A pat on the back and some kind words?

[OhYesSheDidItAgain]

I used to be a size 10. After 3 kids and series of unfortunate life events, I’m now a size 14-16. I’m only 5ft 5 so I don’t carry it well.

For the last decade I have shied away and hidden from people I used to know (as a 10). I’ve avoided family events and I haven’t been out to anywhere formal for years.

My confidence is so low, I even avoid going to the supermarket in my old home town to avoid bumping in to people. It rules my life.

I’ve been trying to lose weight for years but I’ve finally stuck to a plan and I’ve lost 7lbs so far.

I felt good so last night I went out of my comfort zone and did an activity with some friends (they are all smaller than me) . This is a big step for me after years of hiding away and declining invites.

Unbeknownst to me, a friend had taken a picture of the group and has posted it on Facebook. I look awful! I’m also at least three times the size of everyone else and I’m so upset. I didn’t think I looked that big .

I was so proud of myself for finally doing something and I still am but less so . It’s really dampened it. I’m so worried others will see it and comment.

Am I being silly?

You are.

In the kindest possible way you are self obsessed and / or anxious and depressed. You are somewhat overweight, sure, but hardly obese. In fact you are probably slightly smaller than the average woman. In no way would you stand out in a crowd. This is a shocking waste of a life.

You need to give your GP a ring on Monday and make an appointment to talk about where your head is at. Do not let the receptionists fob you off. They might suggest a combination of taking therapy and medication to manage anxiety and low mood.

This is only going to get worse without intervention OP so please see your doctor. This is not about weight, it’s a mental health issue.

Well done for stepping outside your comfort zone, that's fab!

But yes as PP said your thinking seems distorted when the average British woman is at least a 16. People don't think about us or how we look half as much as we might imagine they do. I hope you don't let it affect your confidence too much and keeping heading out and doing the things and enjoy life.

I say this as a woman who until recently was a size 22. I still beach, jogged at park run etc, no one looked twice and no one really cares too much about how I look I'm sure.

You know you're being unreasonable. You are clearly not three times the size of the others unless they're toddlers.
I'm a size 24 and have been battling my weight my entire life. I'm almost always the biggest person (male or female) anywhere. I've mostly accepted this after decades of feeling like crap the whole time and hiding too. I have good personal qualities, if people remark on my size in photos that's on them. I don't want to die friendless, lonely and not having at least tried at life.
I'd love to be your size. Please understand you're absolutely fine just the way you are.

You can untag yourself and also set up your account so that you have to approved tagged photos of you before they appear on your wall. I'm not very tech savvy so I may not be explaining well!

Don't let this small blip get in the way of you continuing your progress. It's incredibly sad it's ruining your life so much. I once declined a reunion type event as I was a bit ashamed of how I looked. Not a good way to live.

Thank you for the kind words. The photo is so unflattering it shows all of my sins and I am so upset about it.

I thought I didn’t look ‘too bad’ until I saw it how others will see it. I am overthinking but I can’t help it

Today I will try to forget about it.

A photo is generally unflattering because it is static. In real life you move, your clothes moves, hair moves etc. Our eyes enjoy movement and we are fascinated by it.

Fashion model pics alway show movement and expression - when we take domestic pictures we stand square on which is guaranteed to make anyone look a bit dull
and square shaped.

The photo isn't the real you op.

Try and move yourself back into the mindset when you allowed yourself some love.

You don't have any sins. Your body is not a sin.
Women are taught to spend their lives hating themselves and I'm not doing it anymore. It's boring. Why would I do the patriachys job for it?
I love my body! It's doing it's best for me! I live in it, why would I be horrible to it? You can't hate yourself "thin" or happy, otherwise you would have done already. I love my body so I'm going to be kind to it, give it food it wants, to make it strong and healthy, give it ice-cream because it's delicious, do exercise I like because it's fun and I enjoy it.
You can make changes, if you want to, by switching your thinking to being kind to your body by looking after it properly.
don't waste your time hating yourself.

I say this is the kindest possible way but yes you are being silly.
Just as you are only thinking about yourself other people will only thinking about themselves. So one will be worrying about their hair, another about the spot on the chin etc.
You are doing really well just keep up the good work and feel proud of your progress so far.

Look at it this way, OP. Your friend was so pleased with the experience they posted a photo of them and their mates having fun. They wanted to celebrate a good time; you being there as part of that. They enjoyed your company and thought to say so to the world. They didn’t give a thought to how you looked or what you weighed. It wasn’t something they thought was remarkable.

No one else will think it’s remarkable. People change in all sorts of ways all the time. All those people who used to know you as a size 10 haven’t stayed the same themselves - they’ve changed in ways too. We all do. We also all have insecurities.

You’re enjoying losing weight and you’re enjoying new things with your friends. Keep going. You’re great.

I’m starting to feel a bit better about it after reading your posts. I agree I’m being too harsh on myself; it’s so ingrained in me that weight gain is shameful and although I’m in my 40s I feel like I should still have the body of my 18 year old self.