Feeling so lonely these days

[Anywhereelse]

Since I’ve had DC and been a SAHM so many friends have fallen away, moved away, lives gone in a different direction etc. We also moved just before DC was born to an area where we didn’t know anyone. I have made many of what I would call ‘acquaintance friends’ through DC nursery and school - so we meet up sometimes if the kids are involved but have only a handful of times as adults - perhaps 3-4 times a year total.

It just brought it to the forefront when I was standing at school today talking to two school mums who I’ve known for about 5 years since nursery, when another mum walked up to us (also known for same time but don’t often see around) and said to both of them were they free for drinks next Wednesday and then the three of them started discussing when/where etc. I clearly wasn’t invited (which is fine, I don’t expect to be). It just really made me realise how no one values me as a friend and adult anymore. I’m just ‘X’s mum.’

I volunteer in three charities, one for nearly a year and the other two for about three months now, but no one is interested in anything other than a vague chat and some leave in two’s and groups together to wander into town. I want to return to work but childcare in our town is critically short but even then so many on MN like to sneer at making friends through work or at the school gate.

I go to the gym but most people stay in their friendship groups or do their own thing; I have been in a book club for about 8 months and while the people are lovely, the only person I really connected with moved away. I was on the PTA but they were a very much a clique of which I was not welcome so I left after a year.

I’d just like to have friends to meet for coffee, a wine and dinner, cinema, shopping, days out etc. I’m not opinionated or a gossip, I’m just an ordinary person with a good sense of humour and a good listener. I have a broad range of interests, widely travelled, follow the news etc, (before anyone brands me as a SAHM who does nothing but talk about her kids).

It seems like having DC was the death knell for my friendships and I just don’t know what to do anymore 🙁. I don’t really know what I’m asking but people just don’t seem to like me anymore (also, I’m not a competitive mum who talks about their child etc- I don’t talk about this sort of stuff at all).

I think you need to get out their more and build a wider circle away from children. An evening class?
Also re school mum's , start inviting people to you for coffee?

You sound like my kind of person @Anywhereelse I can only suggest that you become a bit more proactive about inviting people out for coffee. Some will accept and some won't, so don't take it personally if you get knocked back a few times.
I met one of my friends at the school gates when our lads were seven, and they are grown men with families of their own now. We're not ultra close but we have a good old chat when we get together.
I've recently made a new 'coffee mate' at work too, simply because we got along well when we worked on a short project together. I felt like I'd like to get to know her better, so I asked if she fancied a coffee. She did, and it turns out we're at similar life stages have a fair bit in common. It's nice 🙂
Try it, and good luck

I’m really sorry I don’t have the answer for you, but I completely understand how you are feeling (similar situation since having my twins). You’re not alone - even if it sometimes feels that way. Don’t know where you’re based, but apps like MeetUp could be a good way of meeting like-minded people if they have groups in your area? For what it’s worth, you sound like a nice person and good company, so hope you find a new gym/coffee/shopping/movie buddy soon.

And incidentally, the other mums were abominably rude.

If they weren't prepared to invite you too, they should have waited until you weren't present.

I was thinking the same too. I feel quite lonely aswell. But unfortunately some of the parents that I've met use you or hang out with their siblings...

I thought that too!

Hi OP , I know how you feel and I’m in the same boat as you only different is I work 3 nights a week and I was hoping to make friends at work but no and I know few mums at school whom I talk to and they seem to use me only and not inviting me to anything now I have just decided to stop all the play dates and only chats with them in the playground than waisting my time. I stayed at home to look after my DC’s for 7 years and went back to work a year ago and was so excited to go back and meet new people but most of them are in groups already. Now I have just decided to keep myself to my self and do things alone.