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I've been a bit petty & now caused neighbourly war (parking related)

25 replies

cindylouwhosplaits · 14/07/2022 20:59

Lived here for 12+ years, neighbours both sides been here longer. Had a few minor issues with our attached neighbour with regards to noise but never anything we've actually complained to them about as I'm
sure we're noisy at times too and I hate confrontation of any kind.

Non attached neighbours (NAN) drive is alongside ours. She has a single drive and we have a double drive with double drop kerb. Opposite is a road junction with flats either side, which means often, cars or vans are parked fully or partly on the wide pavement opposite our homes. There is also a car that parks right up to her drop kerb on the other side of her drive, and a brick pillar at the end of our shared drive which makes getting off the drives tricky sometimes as visibility can be poor.

Tonight, a visitor to NAN was parked part way across our drive. This is a fairly frequent occurrence as her DD comes to pick up and drop of her DGD a few times a week and this visitor also comes a couple of times too.

Being completely honest, it's not a massive inconvenience, still it is annoying as not only would we have to knock to get one of the cars out, it sets our ring doorbell off when they pull up and get out of the car and they also will reverse onto our drive to turn around if one of our cars aren't there which sets it off again. I WFH full time so have noticed this more and maybe have let it build like little annoyances do once you notice them.

So I went and knocked the door and politely asked them if they could move the car forward a few feet so they weren't blocking the drive again. Well, NAN and the visitor both came out asking how dare I knock the door and say this, can't I be neighbourly and then NAN just went on about a 20 minute rant in her house/garden (windows open obvs in this heat) about me. I then saw her go into attached neighbours as they were outside at the time too (they used to work together).

The drip feed is, that the visitor from this evening is actually a carer. She drops off and collects NAN's disabled DC to visit a few times a week and so is parked up for around 30-45 mins on pick up then drop off and needs access from our dropped kerb to get the wheelchair up the ramp into the vehicle.

I now feel bad because although we aren't friendly as such, we've always said hello, had a 5 min chat if out on the front together, given Christmas cards and if we've had a bbq, I send the DC round with a plate of food for her.

Should I go round tomorrow and apologise? I'm a total wuss at confrontational conversations, but I can't stand a bad atmosphere and really wish I'd just left it. At no point did I expect her to get really angry- I just thought if I let them know they were encroaching on our drive, they might be more mindful next time. I always try to never inconvenience the neighbours (park on our own drive, no loud music, DC no screaming in the garden or kicking balls up the fence etc) and now a rash decision means I've shut all the windows and am dreading going outside to the car or in the back garden.

OP posts:
gothsnotmoths · 14/07/2022 21:03

So this almost exact situation happened to me. Next door's carer parked completely over our drive. DP went out to (politely!!) say something as she was blocking our car in. Other neighbour who happened to be in the street starting calling DP every name under the sun for "harassing a carer" (DP didn’t even get a chance to speak to her before neighbour started yelling so...)

I would just ignore it and hope everyone moves on. It's so silly. People shouldn't park over your drive and you have a right to ask them to move. And carers don’t have some exception when it comes to parking! Just budge up and stop blocking driveways

HotPenguin · 14/07/2022 21:04

I think your neighbour is being unreasonable here, clearly they need the carer, but the polite thing would be to explain the issue with the ramp etc and let you know the exact times the carer is coming/going so that you can plan accordingly. That's what I do if I have workmen etc coming, I don't just expect my neighbours to suck it up because the work is essential.

So I suggest you go round tomorrow and explain that you didn't know about the ramp access etc and suggest a compromise so that they aren't blocking your drive.

Theworldisfullofgs · 14/07/2022 21:06

Just go and talk to her. She probably knows that she's encroaching and should have asked/explained (and you would have said yes of course...) and with the heat...Just say what you said here that you didn't understand, wish she'd said and how without knowing that and the ring door bell going off it was annoying. When we don't know we have to guess and your guess was completely understandable.

Hoppinggreen · 14/07/2022 21:08

Bollocks
If they have legitimate reasons they need to park like that they should have the courtesy to come and speak to you before and ask permission

Ponderingwindow · 14/07/2022 21:11

If the only option for disabled access is your drive, then your neighbor could have knocked on your door and spoken to you. Going on a tirade in response to your request that they not block your drive doesn’t make you look bad, it makes her look like a ranting lunatic. The only one coming out is this situation looking poorly is your neighbor.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 14/07/2022 21:13

Bollocks to apologising. They should apologise to you. The only reason for parking across someones drive if it’s an emergency vehicle. Just because it’s a cater doesn’t give them the right to park like a twat

BlackAndPinkNose · 14/07/2022 21:20

So neighbour's visitor could have blocked neighbour's drive but instead blocked yours and then neighbour shouted at you? Like hell should you apologise

KangarooKenny · 14/07/2022 21:24

Can they not use the neighbour’s own dropped kerb ?

nellytheelephantscircus · 14/07/2022 21:25

@BlackAndPinkNose They parked over part of her drive and part of ours too. But there was room to pull forward more so she'd only be a tiny bit over our drive and we could get off without issue.

I also wouldn't mind if they blocked the complete drive for less than 5 mins to load/unload but it's a lot longer than that most visits as I think they must have a cuppa and a chat as you do. I was trying to suggest they could park further along after unloading but never got the chance to suggest it.

nellytheelephantscircus · 14/07/2022 21:26

@KangarooKenny They do park part way over their drive but wouldn't fit the vehicle onto the drive as it's too narrow an entrance with a brick wall at the end.

cindylouwhosplaits · 14/07/2022 21:28

Whoops! Name change fail there.

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 14/07/2022 21:28

Do you want to smooth things over for the sake of neighbourly relations or are you not really bothered?

That will determine whether you say ‘fuck it’, be the bigger person, and go and apologise, or whether you say ‘fuck ‘em’ and let her stew.

Personally I’d do the former - but if she was less than gracious about my apology I’d quickly move to the latter.

KangarooKenny · 14/07/2022 21:28

It is a tradition to supply a diagram for parking queries.

Peterbear · 14/07/2022 21:32

I've worked as a carer- doesn't mean you can park like a dick! Having said that probably not worth the stress of an argument really so might be wise to take the high road on this!

GinIronic · 14/07/2022 21:36

Do not apologise. Tell her and the carer and anyone else that wants to park on your drive - to get the fuck off my property.

MaggieFS · 14/07/2022 21:36

Wot no diagram??

cindylouwhosplaits · 14/07/2022 21:46

Apologies! Here is the diagram. The road is a little wide in scale and is just a normal residential street so not so much room to squeeze past.

I've been a bit petty & now caused neighbourly war (parking related)
OP posts:
nellytheelephantscircus · 14/07/2022 21:49

@SirChenjins This is my thought now. My DP was a bit "WTF" when it all kicked off and although he hasn't said, I think he'd rather I at least try to smooth it over

Allthecoolusernamesaregone · 14/07/2022 21:51

Surely being neighbourly works both ways?
She should also have been a good neighbour.
If her carer really needed to partially block your drive to manoeuvre the wheelchair then she could have politely mentioned this to you, preferably beforehand. Also the carer should then have moved her car if she didn’t intend to leave immediately.
You are not at fault here, and did not deserve them both behaving as they did.

Hercisback · 14/07/2022 21:56

I think you could deflate the situation tomorrow by popping round to clear the air. You weren't to know, and they aren't to know how annoying it is for you.
Go round, say that you want to clear the air, you didn't realise why they needed the space and tell them about the ring doorbell. I wouldn't directly apologise unless you were rude.

FixTheBone · 14/07/2022 21:58

I wouldn't apologise.

You didn't even ask them to move.

If the subject comes up again simply say 'I wasn't trying to be difficult or rude, I was just mentioning it so that you could avoid the situation arising where I would need to disturb you in order to get on or off my drive'

Drivebye · 14/07/2022 22:14

It is irrelevant who is parking there, they should not block your driveway. I would not be apologising. They should have come to you and asked you if it was ok and explained. But then I've had a life of people taking the piss re parking so don't tolerate anything anymore.

Why does it always seem to fall the person whose driveway it is to try and reach a solution. People are just so entitled.

Allicando · 14/07/2022 22:20

She needs to sort out wider access to her own drive and have the council drop the kerb the full width. I would not apologise.

Catsdrool · 14/07/2022 22:22

I’d try and clear the air to be honest you do seem to be a tiny bit unreasonable. They don’t park there for long and if your DH didn’t need to get his car out they weren’t really causing a problem. It’s not really that much of an issue if your ring doorbell gets triggered you just look at your phone and see it’s them - not exactly a hardship.

given that you ignoring it is making their lives quite a lot easier you could probably cut them some slack. If they’re parked there when you do need to get out one day just ask them then to move the car - or use the car that’s not blocked in.

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 14/07/2022 23:22

I'd go and apologise but make it clear you didn't know the situation. "Sorry we had words yesterday, I didn't know it was your DGC's carer parked there. I was only annoyed thinking someone was going to park there for ages, but I don't mind the carer parking there if it makes things easier." If you can't face her, maybe a little note through her door.

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