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Original poster

Think I'm doing the summer holidays wrong cause this is HELL

37 replies

ItsDangerousInKingsmarkham · 14/07/2022 11:40

Sorry for the dramatic title but I'm at my wit's end with my DC, aged 6, 4 and 9 months.

The baby is fine, she's just her usual self but my other DC are on school holidays and their behaviour is abysmal. A month ago I'd say I had pretty easy, well behaved and pleasant children on the whole. This month I'm tearing my hair out.

They beg for screens constantly, despite having plenty. When not begging for screens they are pestering relentlessly for something else, whatever takes their fancy at that moment, from soft play to a sandwich. I try to play with them or get them to play with toys and they end up just wrecking the house and wrestling until they are both crying. They'll go out to the garden but are screeching/crying/fighting within minutes. Most interactions with them are rude and unkind, quite often they will just answer 'NO!' to a request from me and when I try to deal with it I get 'oh fiiiine' with an eye roll.

WTAF has happened to my children?! This isn't them. I knew the change of routine might be a bit unsettling but they've turned into monsters.

The house is a tip because I'm constantly trying to do housework with them either wrecking the joint or scrapping. I've tried to taking them out places and they're even worse - whinging and moaning the whole time. Giving them a row results in a huge tearful breakdown.

Please don't have a go at me for being a shit parent, I'm doing my best but I'm obviously not managing them well at the moment and none of us are happy.

Any tips?

OP posts:
Mol1628 · 14/07/2022 11:41

Have they just broken up? Mine are dreadful for about a week then they settle down.

Original poster
ItsDangerousInKingsmarkham · 14/07/2022 11:46

Yes - they broke up and we immediately went on holiday with my extended family. They were as good as gold and we had a fantastic time. We got back on Friday and from Saturday onwards they've been awful.

Maybe I just need to sit tight a bit longer and they'll settle down?

OP posts:
Carrieonmywaywardsun · 14/07/2022 11:52

So they had a long, hot term at school ending with the excitement of the last day and then followed by a big holiday? Yeah, they're winding down give them a minute to catch their breath!

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toogoodforthisworld · 14/07/2022 11:57

If they were as good as gold on the holiday and as good as gold at school then They are definitely due to kick off sometime - I feel you bro.
Just walk away gently - when you feel like you can't handle them. You'll only feel bad for being horrible to them.
If by screen time you mean watching tv- I'd let them watch a Disney film. Just so they chill a bit. I wouldn't let them on a device.
Teachers rest = mothers pest haha my mum always used to say that.
And breathe..... x

GoodVibesHere · 14/07/2022 12:09

My children are now teenagers. During primary school years I saw that they were a nightmare for the first week of the summer holidays. It's the accumulation of tiredness and the excitement of six weeks off. They didn't know what to do with themselves and would be whiny whingebags! They used to settle down by the second week (although it was never easy!).

Shoopitypoop · 14/07/2022 12:14

I found that young primary age quite hard TBH. I found my kids thrived on the routine and entertainment/activities on tap that school provides. But they struggled with entertaining themselves at home.

Try and have a loose routine for each day. So breakfast at this time, morning we go out, afternoon is for screens etc. That kind of thing.

It does get easier. Mine are 7 and 9 now and generally on the whole behave a bit better. Although I didn't have a baby in the mix though!

MercurialMonday · 14/07/2022 12:15

They may be over tired and adjusting - though this age I found it was still easier to be out which clearly isn't working for you and I didn't have a baby as well or a heat wave.

I agree with PP popcorn and a film on TV might give an hour of respite or sending them to their rooms if not too hot for a bit if that separates them for a bit.

Original poster
ItsDangerousInKingsmarkham · 14/07/2022 12:22

Thank you all - I think I need to adjust my expectations of them given the change of routine, heat etc.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 14/07/2022 12:27

Get out of the house with them (harder with the weather I know)

Book a few days of holiday club?

YukoandHiro · 14/07/2022 12:28

And please ignore any arsehole who tells you to enjoy every minute

Thereisnolight · 14/07/2022 12:30

A routine and outdoors as much as you can, even if just a daily walk/bus trip to the shop or park.

Mol1628 · 14/07/2022 12:31

Ah if they’ve just had a holiday as well they will find it hard to adjust to the slower pace of life at home. Mine are always the same.
I would allow a bit more screen time than usual, maybe let the small things go a bit more and just try and get through it. I bet they settle down and won’t be like this all summer.

Ori1 · 14/07/2022 12:34

This will be me in about two weeks & counting. Must book that holiday club. My younger son is fine, he’ll quite happily play by himself or watch TV with me for periods of time. But the 8yr old …….he needs constant stimulation, usually in the form of other people. He is not happy in/with his own company, cannot entertain himself & if he gets bored resorts to poking other people for fun which is a trait that I really dislike.

On the days I’m working he will be going to holiday club. Fact.

Bagpuss2022 · 14/07/2022 12:35

put the two eldest in holiday club/camp a few days or afternoons a week kids that age thrive on routine and structure but yes a long term and a holiday on top of this heat they will
be grumpy if all else fails get them to bed early pour yourself a wine/coke/coffee and take things a bit easy
you have my sympathies I’m out the other end now youngest is 12

SeaToSki · 14/07/2022 12:40

Some suggestions (take inspiration from this, it probably wont work for you as a whole)

I would sit down with them after and together plan a timetable for the day.
breakfast x time
tidy up x time
screen time x time
garden play x time
lunch x time
flat rest x time
activity somewhere out of the house x time
dinner x time
screen time x time
bath and bed x time

Place screen times strategically through the day in short bursts to add incentives to the tidying up times you are going to put in just before them. Then you also have several ‘consequences’ ie removal of screen time at your disposal every day

Flat rest is an amazing concept I learned from a summer camp. It means dc have be on their bed, they do not have to sleep, but need to be in a flat (ish) position and entertain themselves quietly (card game/reading/playmobil people/fuzzy friends) but def no screens. Then you can have a quiet cup of tea and the baby can nap.

Also brainstorm idea on what the house rules should be for the summer holidays and consequences for breaking them. Some of the rules should apply to you as well!
Get them to come up with a list of things 15 they like to do at home and 10 places they like to visit. Then when they are bored, you can tell them to look at the list and pick something to do.

Write everything down (or get them to) and stick it on the fridge. When you are at you wits end, look at the lists/timetable

Steelesauce · 14/07/2022 12:44

I usually do up and out first thing to burn off any energy then unlimited screen time in an afternoon to give us all some downtime! Works pretty well. They are usually horrors the first week or 2 though. And then again the last week as they're itching to get back to school (and so am I!)

Mol1628 · 14/07/2022 12:51

I love the flat rest idea!

I call it ‘don’t talk to me ‘ time but your name is a bit nicer 🤣 they have to play something quiet and calm in their bedroom that isn’t screens and leave me along for a bit. Then after that we do something fun.

Spanielsarepainless · 14/07/2022 12:51

My mother insisted that my brother and I argued and fought in the garden. She didn't want to hear it. Neither of us ever got hurt. A bit of benign neglect wouldn't go amiss.

Tunus · 14/07/2022 13:04

It’s the constant bickering that gets me. That and taking them places that are supposed to be fun for them and them whinging and complaining (and bickering even more)the whole time and not wanting to actually do whatever you’ve gone to do just wanting to eat all the snacks. Our holidays haven’t even started yet but you’ve reminded me just how fun they really are 😬

99ProblemsButAnIncelAintOne · 14/07/2022 13:07

A good solution I used last summer and will again this year is at the beginning of every day let them choose their daily snacks. They choose one fruit, one crunchy (crisps, popcorn, mini cheddars etc) and one sweet (little packet of biscuits) and fill up a water bottle for them.

Then they can have those at any time in the day without asking.

At first they will eat it all straight away and the you have to listen to them asking all day for more, but if you stick to it and don't give them more then after a few days mine saved bits for the afternoon without being told to.

This year I'm going to let them have 1 icelolly a day too without having to ask.

It gives them some control and power and I found it really helped them to regulate themselves.

hellswelshy · 14/07/2022 13:13

Mol1628 · 14/07/2022 12:51

I love the flat rest idea!

I call it ‘don’t talk to me ‘ time but your name is a bit nicer 🤣 they have to play something quiet and calm in their bedroom that isn’t screens and leave me along for a bit. Then after that we do something fun.

That made me laugh! I used to say 'mum is having quiet time now' and basically tell them no queries or chatting to me for a good half hour! 😆

The2Omicronnies · 14/07/2022 13:22

@SeaToSki I have actually taken a screen shot of your post! I love the timetable idea, and had already begun compiling lists of sunny vs rainy day activities for us to reference when we have no formal plans.

When my two were approx 5 and under they would love to do educational things / Orchard toys type learning, but after two years of on-off homeschooling and greater awareness of screens, they couldn’t give any fucks about that sort of activity 🤦‍♀️ I thought it was supposed to get easier, but at 7 and 8 I’m finding it harder than ever 😂

FGSWhatNow · 14/07/2022 13:25

99ProblemsButAnIncelAintOne · 14/07/2022 13:07

A good solution I used last summer and will again this year is at the beginning of every day let them choose their daily snacks. They choose one fruit, one crunchy (crisps, popcorn, mini cheddars etc) and one sweet (little packet of biscuits) and fill up a water bottle for them.

Then they can have those at any time in the day without asking.

At first they will eat it all straight away and the you have to listen to them asking all day for more, but if you stick to it and don't give them more then after a few days mine saved bits for the afternoon without being told to.

This year I'm going to let them have 1 icelolly a day too without having to ask.

It gives them some control and power and I found it really helped them to regulate themselves.

Ooooh I like this idea! I'm sick of being pestered for food every five minutes (especially when I know they won't eat their tea if I let them have more snacks) - I'm going to give this a try!

AmbushedByCake · 14/07/2022 13:28

This has reminded me that my kids are always complete dicks at the start of any big school holiday, thank you, I can brace myself for it now!

Mol1628 · 14/07/2022 13:31

AmbushedByCake · 14/07/2022 13:28

This has reminded me that my kids are always complete dicks at the start of any big school holiday, thank you, I can brace myself for it now!

Same! It’s easier to cope with if you have faith it’s not going to be like that the entire summer!