Realistically what will life be like with a baby and this setup?

[Twoups]

Single mum, difficult ex, he wants no involvement. I have quite a big mortgage but can’t move before the baby is born. If ex keeps his current job I should have around 900 in CM, though I expect he will be difficult and could be a long process to sort.

My job currently pays well but I will go part time after maternity. I have arranged a night nanny once a week and two afternoons of childcare from 12-4 from month one.

I live around fifteen mins from family and they’re nice enough but no emotional support will come from them. They are quite practical and cold!!

The house is in a remote place where there’s lots of walks and a few pubs but basically not much else.

I just want to be prepared as to how awful this will be? When ex left my family have said I will be lonely and struggle alone and that I will have no free time etc. I feel very daunted and can’t see anything good about having the baby anymore and just want to be as prepared as possible for what I will be facing.

12-4 pm

What do you think will be awful? You’ll have more support than a lot of people. How much free time do you think you’ll want?

It's going to be ok. Perhaps a bit isolated, but ok.

It seems like you have money, and that's the key as if you have the funds, everything else can be organised. I would think about moving though as a remote location isn't ideal if you're on your own as it seems like you would benefit a lot from baby groups, 'Mum friends' etc.

I'd also do some maths without that £900 CM, could you still manage? I'd try to move somewhere with much more going on that was completely affordable, CM or no CM

Good luck!

Difficult to be sure as it’s different for everyone.

What is certain is that you’ll be dealing with the exhaustion that comes with labour and birth, hormonal changes, and sole charge of a tiny little person. Who you are likely to be besotted with.

Are you planning to breastfeed? If you are open to bottle feeding it will mean that someone else can help with feeds which will free you up.

A night nanny once a week and childcare twice a week sounds very sensible. In the early days try to use these times to catch up on sleep.

You say your family is cold which is sad but if they are at all practical then that could be very helpful. It can be a godsend when someone drops off a dinner or folds all the washing. Mostly though people come to hold the baby and are not much help 🙄

Try to let the housework go if you can, it’s important to keep up your strength and it isn’t for long, maybe three months, before you will have a bit more time to catch up on tasks.

If it was me I’d be looking for a new mother’s group as I really enjoy social contact. Nothing like the bond between new mothers!

Why are you going back part time? If you are on a good salary surely full time would be better.

I disagree.
”Most people” have a partner when the baby is first born.

It’s not going to be awful at all. You sound sensible and you’ve planned ahead. Get the CM forms prepared in advance if you can, as your brain will be munched by lack of sleep in the early days. Join a few groups and get out for some fresh air as soon as you are physically able to. I could walk far int he early weeks, but it made such a difference. A sling can be a godsend for getting things done and going out and about.

It won't be awful but it won't be what you expect. Whatever we tell you here, something will be different.

Some things to consider

• have you got a cleaner? If so, can they do more hours and more laundry etc? That is a job that is v good to outsource.
• do find mums groups - you will need them. There are online groups if travel is hard.
• consider the work/money situation carefully. What would you do it exH lost his job or refused to pay? Will staying FT give you more promotion opportunities and career growth in future?
• definitely get your family lined up for practical help.

Sorry things didn't work out with your partner but onwards and upwards!

Sounds like you are really capable and have the funds to support yourself. Night nanny will definitely be key along with a bit of childcare during the week.

Babies sleep (hopefully!) Quite a bit in the first couple of months and then it is up and down. If your family are looking to be helpful I always found the morning a bit difficult in terms of trying to have a shower, get dressed and have breakfast.

We have a cleaner come once a week who also makes us a big meal like bolognase/chilli etc. This is a massive help as some can be frozen so we always have something to whip out. Last thing you want to do after a tough day is cook a meal!

Definitely try and join some baby/mums groups so you've got some regular things to fill up your week.

No idea if this is still a thing with brexit but as the baby gets a bit older into toddlerhood it might be useful to have an au pair/ live in help to get them off to nursery and picking up/dinner/bath etc.

Your house sounds idyllic to me! But if you're worried aboit being isolate could you rent it out and rent somewhere smaller and more central for a couple of years? I live zone 1 London and love being able to walk to the shops, all my sons baby classes, nursery etc but have never tried anywhere where I needed a car so 🤷‍♀️

All the best xxx

thanks! It is the emotional side of things I am worried about mostly. There is a baby group down the road once a week and then it’s a ten minute drive to a town. Family would probably help out with dinners dropping round but not with the baby.

You’ll find your feet, as new mums do.

One tip is I would spend the equivalent of the night nanny money on daytime assistance. You’d get more hours, and I think more regular naps beats one possibly good night (which it might not even be - if you breastfeed, for example, you might want to feed overnight to prevent engorgement and to make sure your supply stays solid).