Is anyone awake?

[tomissmymum]

Trying to deal with seriously ill mum (dementia), got call this afternoon that her mum has died suddenly too, am beyond devastated and don’t know what to do with myself . Lying on a relative’s spare bed stunned and feeling very, very strange indeed .

How can one be almost gone and the other already gone? It doesn’t make sense .

Yes, I'm awake, it's too bloody hot to sleep 😭
Sorry to hear about your loss and that your mum is ill 💐

I'm awake. Had a hysterectomy this afternoon, so am in hospital and my room feels like a billion degrees.

Really sorry to hear about your mum's illness, and your grandmother's passing.

I'm awake. My dad died yesterday so no idea what to do with myself. 3 kids so I'll get up and keep going I imagine but I just want to stay in bed forever. My dad's mum only died 3 years ago so this feels particularly cruel x

Sorry for your loss.
Your feelings are totally normal - it doesn't really make any good sense after all. It is normal to feel sad and devastated. A wide range of other feelings would be normal as well - feeling numb, tired , empty, angry...

Be kind to yourself, mourn if you feel it like that.

It’s the weirdest feeling . I keep forgetting and then remembering and feeling sick . I can’t sleep at all, can’t settle . It’s horrific . It was hard enough just mum . This is horrendous .

@whoami24601 I’m so sorry

@DoingJustFine hope you’re not in too much pain xx my relatives house is just the same, cooking!!

I am awake too. DH died four months ago, I can't believe I am never going to see him again. Things keep playing through my head. All your feelings are normal , I am sorry you are going through this.

I'm awake too! For no good reason - just can't sleep. So sorry for your losses, all who have shared them. And about your mum OP. My dad is very unwell with dementia. It's a cruel disease.....

I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you strength for dealing with your mum.

I’m so sorry

I’m absolutely exhausted beyond belief, but can’t sleep no matter what I’m doing . Scared to sleep . I keep thinking bad news comes in threes and terrified of what the third thing will be .

It is hard and probably will be hard for some time.

When my grandma died, I was switching between numb, small moments of forgotting and moments of sadnes and shame for that forgotting, this circle repeating and repeating.
Your feelings don't have to make sense, it is just something through what you feel your loss and general situation.

Try to take care of your physical needs - not being too cold, too hot, drinking enough water, some food when you'll feel like that.

There's no sense or fairness to any of it. My mum has dementia too. I feel like I'm losing her a day at a time.
I'm so sorry about your grandmother. There's no right or wrong way to deal with it. Death knocks your confidence that each day will just be mundane and every unexpected phone call, every cough, unwelcome fleeting thoughts, unhelpful adage of things coming in threes(!), are harbingers of doom. Take it one day at a time, have no expectations of how you'll feel and be kind to yourself.

Sorry wrong thread. Really sorry for your loss op. It must be incredibly overwhelming. Take a day at a time and if a day seems too overwhelming take an hour at a time.

So sorry for your loss and your mums illness. I'm awake with my one year old whose got such a high fever I've been holding her till she falls asleep in deep sleep.

What a difficult time. Remember the dawn brings light, which is physically and emotionally comforting. I don’t know if you are religious, I’m not massively, but I do find myself in the small hours needing to say a prayer, or a collection of thoughts even, and whilst physical existence/return of a loved one cannot happen, praying for comfort and reassurance at a difficult time I find is always responded to… sending you some prayers x

Relative suggested that too . Both mum and granny are/were religious, relative said a wee prayer might help . I don’t know which prayer to say .

im finding myself absolutely terrified, my granny was my last sort of ‘phone me anytime’ person and now she’s gone, and I feel so alone all of a sudden . Absolutely terrified . I phoned her four times a day, every day . I don’t know what to do . My friend has told me the day after tomorrow to get the first train to her and she’ll look after me for the day, I can’t calm down no matter what I’m doing .

Im meant to have a hospital appointment at 11.30 but don’t know if I’ll go .

Someone’s made me a GP appointment too at 9am . See if they can give me sleepers or something .

I'm so sorry OP 🤍

If docs don't give you sleeping pills or they don't work, try Asda's Sleep Aid pills. Over the counter from ASDA Pharmacy. They're brilliant.

Sending strength x

I don’t know which prayer to say.

It doesn't need to be a ready made prayer. I have 4 prayers my parents used to say with me every night before I slept. I say them now sometimes because they comfort me, organise my thoughts and help me to sleep. But I often just have a chat with god. Tell him how I'm feeling, ask any questions. Tell him off. And my lovely dad who passed away a few years ago, I chat with him regularly.
This has just happened and your mind is still overwhelmed. It will get easier, and I don't know if you ever get over it, but you do learn to live with it. It just takes time. Quite a bit of time.

I'm awake too. Tonight was the night I was supposed to catch up on sleep - poor DS woke me up vomiting all over my bed! I guess I'll sleep later in the week then!

Sorry for your loss OP. You're dealing with a lot. How advanced is your mums dementia? I found doll therapy really helpful for my grandmother with Alzheimer's- it transformed her life really.

@bloodywhitecat I think of you often

Hi all, hugs ang good wishes.

Shall I open the cafe? I can make you iced tea and coffee and fruit smoothies?

I’m so sorry. A sudden loss is such a shock, it affects you physically and emotionally. Lots of different things go on in your body and brain that can make you feel numb, disorientated, distant or incredibly wired and sensitive to every little noise. It was described to me like lots of different hormones and chemicals being poured into you and shaken up. It’s a horrible , awful feeling but it will settle eventually. You won’t always feel this bad, I promise.
For now it’s one minute at a time, one breath at a time if necessary.
Don’t worry if you can’t eat ( I didn’t eat for 3 weeks after DH died in a RTA) If you can manage the odd biscuit or some chocolate that will help.
Drink lots. I didn’t and became ill through dehydration so drink all the water you can.
Lean on your friends who can help you.
Be very kind to yourself.