Ds is 24 and feeling actively suicidal at the minute after 4 years of very low mood - possibly triggered by the loss of his dad in 2017, and possibly exacerbated by smoking weed (which he isn’t currently doing).
He and I think he has ADHD and/or bipolar disorder. He has never been formally diagnosed but does display a lot of associated traits. For example, extreme health anxiety (eg, he had an ache in his back recently and within a matter of hours had convinced himself he had cancer of the spine), very reactive to lack of sleep, sensitive to noise, obsessions with things (eg, foods, exercise), inability to stick with plans, easily bored/distracted, losing items daily (eg, bank cards, car keys, wallet etc), is very black and white in his opinions etc.
He recently had some blood tests done which showed that his testesterone levels are very low, and we do appreciate that this could account for many things. But I think his issues go deeper than this and am feeling desperate on his behalf.
He is very resistant to the idea of taking medication but has spent 4 years trying many other things to help him get out of this awful state, eg reading self help books, trying various supplements, exercising strenuously. His abiding passion in life has always been exercise and fitness, and he has always been extremely fit. But now he’s even saying he can’t be bothered with that and that he doesn’t have the energy or motivation.
He does seem to me to be deteriorating - he is now having severe panic attacks, has some facial tics, says he feels pressure in his heart and his head etc.
I am filled with foreboding that he will give up - he has attempted suicide in the past, and has said just today that if he wasn’t too stupid to tie a noose he would hang himself, or if he had access to firearms he would shoot himself.
He is also now saying that he can see no point in life, has no optimism, can’t be bothered to fight anymore, feels like a waste of space etc.
Although he says he doesn’t want to take medication (I have tried to tell him that his fears about this are largely ungrounded), he has agreed to “speak with someone”, but not the gp. He saw her about 3 weeks ago and she apparently told him his issues were all down to lack of sleep, he needed to leave home, and referred him to citizens advice! I tried to speak to the gp today but she said she had to speak to him. I asked her to refer me to someone but I don’t know how long this will take.
I really thought today would be the day I lost him (and the day isn’t over yet) and am so frightened for him. Please, what do I do? I don’t know where to go from here. He won’t come to A & E with me - he says he doesn’t want to be committed.