Could see her knickers under the table in a work meeting - would you tell her?

[ProperCupofTea]

That's it really. Was in a large-ish meeting sitting at tables in a U shape. Work colleague who I don't know well (from another team & I'm fairly new) was wearing a perfectly nice, rather loose, knee length summer wrap dress that had ridden up and parted when she sat down. She was sitting quite 'legs akimbo' and slouching in her chair and I could see right up between her legs with lots of inner thigh exposed, to the point I could see the colour of her pants.

All the people on my side of the "U shape" were females so I don't feel so bad not saying anything. I'm not sure how I could have anyway, without making it a bit obvious by going over to speak to her on other side of the room in the middle of the meeting. But if there had been men there I might have done. It was 2 hours long with no breaks - and I'm sure the 4 other people on my side could see too.

If it was me I'd be a bit embarrassed but prefer to know so I didn't do it next time. She left soon after the meeting ended so I didn't have a change to decide whether to say anything. Thoughts?

definitely do not tell her this! Everyone else will forget and I doubt there will be similar situation that requires warning to not repeat. She’ll just be mortified!

No I wouldn’t tell her and I wouldn’t have been looking or taking any notice.

I think it's probably too late now. To search her out now to tell her might make it look like you think it's serious rather than trying to be helpful. I always try to tell people but, sometimes, situations mean you just can't. And it wasn't like the dress was see-through and will always be a problem. Hopefully, it was just a one-off.

Telling her now would be a bit like walking up to someone and saying
"i saw you yesterday with your skirt tucked into your knickers" I would be embarassed and probably upset that you didn't mention it at the time, when it could have been sorted.

I think during the event if you could do something subtly and quickly before others see then i would have. But after the event when it’s too late to stop others seeing then I wouldn’t say anything. She’ll be mortified and there’s nothing she can do about it so no good would come of telling her

How can you not see these things? I was invigilating a school exam and the girl at top of the column was sat in a skirt that hardly reached her thighs, with her feet curled round the legs of her chair, legs wide open. I defy you not to see that! I didn't keep looking and I moved away. But if I was in a fixed seat opposite her, it's very difficult to ignore.

Do speak to the manager who is responsible for furniture. The table obviously needs a modesty screen. These are very common, particularly for receptionist's desks. Everybody knows that when a woman sits down wearing a skirt or dress, her attire is liable to either ride up or drape in a potentially revealing way. WHICH IS WHY MODESTY SCREENS EXIST!!!

Modesty screens used to be pretty much standard with office furniture, so if this table doesn't have one, it needs one.

What I mean is I wouldn’t have been looking in that direction once I’d noticed the situation in general.

This woman is presumably an adult and responsible for her own comportment as my dgm would say.

Modesty screens are not generally incorporated in modular furniture within meeting rooms, as it impacts the flexibility. This was a U shaped configuration, but the tops could be flip top for storage or completely removable, neither of which would be possible with modesty panels.

I would have expected any professional person to be aware of their posture when sitting at a desk or table, and ensure that they aren't on display!

I would still tell her. It's obviously a work dress so likely to happen again.

It's not that shocking is it? Some of her female colleagues could see her thighs and a bit of her pants. I don't think anyone needs to feel "mortified". You're all adults, nothing obscene was on show.

You're new, it would have been awkward and a bit unnecessary to make this into a thing. Perhaps one of her work friends might mention it. I wouldn't bother personally.

Wrap dresses are the worst for this!

Problem is, you’re new, so can’t be sure how she’d react.

Would I tell her? If I was confident and secure in my position at work then yes, if I was a newbie, probably not.

Why on earth did you have a work meeting in the first place not a conference call would be my first question, depending on the line of work. Especially when a call might save some travelling, not nice if you are in the south of England with current temperatures.

Assuming it is really necessary, then the modesty screens should be added.

Thank you for the replies. The majority opinion is not to mention it, and the time probably has passed now. I might sit beside her next time so am not faced with any more dilemmas.

@SmileyClare I wasn't 'mortified', just felt a bit awkward that I couldn't say anything in the moment though if men had been sat next to me in the sightline I might have tried to let her know as subtly as possible. If it had been men next to me not women would that change your view? As it was only fluke the men were all sat where they couldn't have seen, so if she doesn't realise that dress or slumping posture causes the flashing it could happen again, that room is used all the time.

As for why I didn't 'not look', well firstly for one section of the meeting she was speaking about an item & answering questions so we were all angled in her direction which is when I first noticed. Also, it was a 2 hour meeting and oter people next to her also talking to items, so hard to not glance that way from time to time.

Modesty screens are a good idea but doubt it's an option, s @ajandjjmum says the tables are flexible types for different layouts and stacking as it's the main large meeting/training room/Boardroom. Doubt SMT would see replacing them as a financial priority somehow, though I'll suggest it to Facilities anyway.

And @balalake we have to go in at least once a week at the moment (blame Jacob Rees-Smug) so in my wider team we tend to choose days when there is a regular meeting. Plus the office has air con and my hot, sticky flat doesn't so a shortish journey on the Tube is worth it for 8 hours of coolness. I'm actually intending to go in more often whilst this heatwave lasts - next Monday especially looks alarming...

If you were concerned you should have tried to alert her at the time, if that was possible. It's too late now.

Rule of thumb for me is, if they can change it there and then let them know otherwise, leave it.

But being practical, how would you do that in the scenario described? Exaggerated facial expressions? Eye widening? Head pointing? Waving? Mouthing "I can see your pants" across the room and hoping she's a good lip reader but nobody else is?

I can't see how you would communicate that without drawing even more attention to it. Especially if she or someone else didn't get the hint and interrupted the meeting to directly ask you what you were doing?

It's probably a scenario where the least bad outcome is that everyone tried to politely not see.

Why would you not tell her? Better from you than an ogle eyed sex pest staring at her pants...

Text her? Email her?