Career Girls- when does it become really “worth it”, if ever?

[Toothbrush9860552022]

Can’t believe it’s only Monday and I’m typing this thread 🤦‍♀️.

We are early thirties and have a teenage daughter. I Got a job at entry level several years and have done quite well and moved along. Salary is now breaking the £50k barrier and DH earns the same in another field but just as fast paced.
Firstly I feel no way near as well off as I thought I would with that kind of income. I was on gardeners leave so we took the opportunity to have a months travelling which I’m pleased we did as chances are we won’t ever have the chance again. But this has left us with a few thousand pounds of debt- not lots but we need to pay off a credit card and overdraft so despite the newish job we are being quite frugal.

However, I just feel frazzled. Parenting, commuting, running a home- I just feel like there’s no time for anything. We really need to outsource somethings, but want to pay debt off first. There are things that need doing in the house so it doesn’t feel like we are going to see the extra salary for a good while. My house is not as clean as I’d like, garden doesn’t look as good as I’d like, we are spending lots of money on more convenient healthy meals as less time for cooking from scratch.

I guess the question is- I’m looking at my managers job and thinking “do I want to push for that kind or role”. Is it worth it by the time you add the extra time, responsibility, stress etc- and then pay for all the stuff that needs covering whilst we are both working very intense jobs? Where do the scales tip? Has anyone ever stopped pushing forwards career wise because there’s things you are not prepared to compromise on family wise?

I don’t know- guess I’m just looking for other peoples experiences really.

It gets easier once all kids are 16 plus. Once you’ve paid your travelling debt off you’ll feel better finance wise as well.

I’m on a similar salary and have certainly stopped chasing/wanting promotion. I’m comfortable with what I’m on and next level up might be another 10k and while I don’t think the workload would increase the stress actually at work looks awful.

I'm on the same sort of salary, no kids, but feel similarly. I'm in the public sector where salaries are fairly transparent, so I know my manager is only on about 10k more than me but has to answer to so many more people. Maybe I would feel differently if there was a possibility of my income going stratospheric!

Yes- I think that's what it is. Even £10k pay rise, by the time it's taxed etc and maybe you have to commute once more a week or something it really isn't a whole lot more money in your account every month.

Maybe this is just where I'm supposed to be job wise and am not cut out for more 🤷‍♀️. When we had DD we were so freaking poor and we just put our heads down working and didn't really look up. I'm disappointed in my self that I feel I don't really have it to keep progressing up. I'm just exhausted

It’s an expensive time OP, but remember you had your daughter very young, so you have a ton of time to keep building your income when she has grown up.

For now I would focus on making life manageable, if your house isn’t as clean as you’d like, either lower your expectations, or look at getting a cleaner (I know that’s a peak mumsnet remark, but you probably just about can if you really want to - and you will never look back), you could probably also get a garden maintenance guy in 3 times a year to do the basics (hold on your gardening ambitions for a few years, you will get to it.)

Could you possibly do a day from home?

If it’s a couple of thousand from travelling (well worth it), can you just shunt it around 0% credit cards and pay it off v slowly?

Basically time is on your side, so make life easy now, to protect your earning potential in the future.

I don’t think you should feel disappointed by earning 50k a year, it’s a decent salary.

my brother always says work to live, don’t live to work. He jacked in a high flying managerial job for something much lower paid. But he’s happy.

I stepped down my career when I had kids into family friendly/wfh roles before wfh was common

It was fine for the first few years but then I got super bored and frustrated. I kind of got stuck between levels for a few years (pandemic didn't help) and struggled for progression until last year when I got back into a managerial role.

So my career stalled for apx 10 years but I don't think I'll regret it looking back.

More senior doesn’t always mean more work. In fact it can be quite the opposite…..

Game changer for me is that I now work full time from home .
I can get some chores done while working - I get food prep done when I’m on boring Teams calls 😀
fold laundry etc too !
can you try to work from home a few days ?

Thank you. Everyone is being so nice.

To be honest, we are a bit rubbish on credit cards and do know much about balance transfer (clearly we don’t work in finance!). But I can look into it, although ultimately it will freak me out with it sitting there anyway.

We def need a cleaner and someone to do the garden. They are both very small, but the cost still adds up, doesn’t it?DH has been in his salary for a while, so it’s mine that has had the “big” jump, about 15k, but I think that’s what I’m getting at- but the time you out source certain things to cope with the job, and you’ve paid tax- you have a much more stressful job for barely any extra money! Not that it’s all about money obviously, at all, it just feels like I’m working so much harder and sacrificing more, and still don’t feel “there” if that makes sense!

The more senior you get, the more flexibility you tend to have as well - so you might be replying to emails at 10pm, but you made it to the school sports day and do all the school drop-offs. Do you care about that kind of flexibility, and does it apply in your industry (airlines not so much perhaps, IT yes)? With seniority comes options, don't disregard that.

I'm in the same position as you in so far as a move up would involve taking on some responsibilities (managerial) that would add a lot of stress. In my case I don't think it would be worth it as I know I would be miserable. I am therefore happy to stagnate, which gives me more time to dedicate to DC and generally life outside work.
The one difference though is,my wage is enough for me. In your shoes, I'd be asking myself whether to go for next role up and all the stress/workload that comes with it, or whether I am happy to bring my outgoings down.

Thank you- I don’t feel disappointed as such. I guess I just it still doesn’t feel as easy as I thought it would.

I find myself forcing myself to reflect back to a decade ago where things like food, petrol, birthday presents were really tough at time, just to not feel disappointed. With NI increase, cost of living, cost of everything- it feels like the goal posts keep moving on more as to what comfortable is! I’m aware I’m sounding self absorbed….just feel exhausted with it, and the weekends spent getting ready for the next week and catching up, doing something with DD and then it all starts again.

That’s a good point actually. I manage people now, 9 of them. But I manage them very much at their day to day operational tasks, so I have to be there 9-5. Head of service or managers manager seem to directly line manage less people, and work is more strategic and less operational. That’s a good spin on it.

I’m at home 2 days a week. But sometimes it seems harder to be honest as I’m not sat with the people I oversee. It’s fast paced- I don’t stop for lunch- let alone meal prep or putting washing in unfortunately!

Bloody reply function hasn't worked 🤦‍♀️. Hopefully you can figure out who I was replying to. Appreciate all your comments

‘I’m pleased we did as chances are we won’t ever have the chance again.’

Think hard about what you said there.

my advice is:

as a PP said, the more senior you get the less you have to be present and the more flexibility you get so it is worth it but don’t take it too seriously
definitely outsource cleaning and gardening for sure
get the cards on 0% - that way you’re paying off the debt every month, not interest
i promise you that once you can throw money at tedious domestic shite life becomes easier
This book is excellent
(the premise is work smart not hard)

wishing you luck. Also, prioritise what makes you happy. Even when we were really broke we went out for dinner sometimes, it was important for our morale

Also

stop aiming for perfection and go for “Good Enough” at work and home
say no as often as you need to
have a plan
make sure dh pulls his weight

Also you’re early 30s, don’t give up now, you’re young!

Thank you. Trouble is "good enough" at work is not really enough to keep moving forwards. But I do get what you mean. And to be honest, I could just maintain at this job for a few years.

DH 💯 pulls his weight thankfully.

I really want to know how people get those jobs.

I thought my career was everything until I burned myself out and had a breakdown…..

didn’t go to uni (upset my parents doing that!) felt like I had to ‘prove’ myself after dropping out of school after GCSEs. Was a single mum at 22 so felt like I had to prove myself even more.

fast forward to turning 30 and was in a very good job earning £60k+ a year. By this point I had 2 kids, now engaged, was getting up at 6am out the house by 7:30am, to commute into London. Job was full time and demanding (but yes I enjoyed it, well most of the time) but I’d be dashing out of office at 5:05pm latest to ensure I’m on time to pick kids up. Home by 6:10pm, sort dinner, get homework done, put kids to bed and back on my laptop working before going to bed…..

it got too much, I crashed and burned big time! Mentally I couldn’t cope any more and I paid the price!

fast forward another 5 years and I’d quit that job, moved out of London, work part time, spend more time with my kids and have a better quality of life!

I thought being a career girl was worth it but now I see it wasn't!

When you’re 50 and are doing something that gives you real satisfaction and are treated with real respect, and can choose to retire whenever you want to.