Working 4 days with small kids - someone tell me it's going to be ok

[TheHeartGoesLast]

Just got offered a new job. It's a grade up, significantly more money, and a role I'm really excited about.

But it's 28 hours a week, and my request to compress these has been declined, so 4 days a week. I currently only work 2 and a half. This means a day and a half less with DD2, I can only do one school pick up for DS4. I am so worried about the impact on them, the transition to being there less, and fitting everything in like housework etc. However we need the money so I need to take the job.

Has anyone been in a similar position, did it all work out?

Kids will be fine.

your other half will have to step up more.

get a weekly cleaner.

Yes it’s fine (went from 4 days to full time when mine were 3 and 5).

Good childcare, and if you have a DP then sharing the household running tasks fairly.

I always refused to feel guilty for something a man would not feel guilty about.

Almost everyone has been in this position. They're called working parents. Your kids will be fine.

Single parent. Worked 4 days for 3 years. Its fine. Again why should I feel guilty when his mainly absent lazy father doesn't?

Worked full time since my kid was one, she’s 9 now. Used wrap around care, positive experience for her, and I just juggle everything else. It’s just me though, if your husband/partner steps up to help, will be less stressful.

i agree with the other poster, men never feel guilty for working, why should I?

The main things to focus on IMO is the logical stuff - school runs etc. Perhaps there's afterschool club/childminder who can help? All the other bits, housework etc, you tend to middle through, lower standards, batch cook etc.
Speak with your DH, take the job, and good luck!

I never had any school pickups with ds, he was in afterschool club and loved it.

You and your dh need to share the housework burden, be more aware and keep tidy/clean as you go along/lower your standards/get big storage boxes for toys/reduce clutter so it is easily to keep tidy (and/or get a cleaner). Save time by using online grocery shopping etc.

At this age compressed hours might let you pick up more often but leaves less time at night for homework etc. Something to consider, if you did 5 shorter days would you get back earlier?

The biggest problem I would think will be if they are ill a lot and you and dh have to take time off work, we were lucky ds was rarely ill so it wasn't a problem.

dniece was frequently unwell so DSIL ended up becoming a SAHM for a couple of years until it settled down.

I went from 2.5 days to 4 days when my kids were 3 and 5, and now they're 4 and 6 I'm going up to 5. It's an adjustment - and I think some of the responses here have been pretty stupid not the acknowledge that - but it's worked well for us.

She isn't doing compressed hours.
The job 28 hours a week. It's a 4 day a week job.

She wanted to compress it to 3 days but they said no. She is doing a normal work day for 4 days a week so she'll be home for homework and dinner.

Kids are adaptable. They will learn to appreciate family time more and that you don't exist purely to be their slave. I can only see benefits here. Congrats on the promotion!

Here’s my take. If the 2 year old is already in nursery 2.5 days, increasing that to 4 full days seems like a bigger deal to you than it will to her. She already has an environment where she is happy and comfortable and at that age they don’t have the same concept of time. You still have a full day at home with her just the two of you.

Is the older child already in school? If already in after school club, same arguments about familiar environment apply and he’s old enough for you to explain why Mummy has to work more. If he’s only starting school in Sept you just package in 4 days after school club as the way things are from day one and part of the new routine.

Perhaps if you are lucky enough to have a grandparent close by he/she could pick him up one day a week just for a bit of variety and wait with him at yours until you finish work?

To me the really important thing here is that you are excited about the new role. That’s worth it’s weight in gold and shows that you have a career opportunity here as well as just needing the money. You should not waste that, now is as good a time as any because things will not much change logistically for you while both kids are in primary school.

Housework- depends how house proud you are. If you were doing it all before then it’s time for DH to pitch in. Keep progressing at work and soon you’ll be able to afford a cleaner!

My top tip if you have a partner is to make sure that you renegotiate the domestic load so you don’t keep doing all the stuff you are doing now plus working an extra day and a half. A lot of men are great at ignoring the reality of changes like this.

I've worked 4 days since my eldest was born and now going back to five days with a 2yo and a 5yo, albeit with a much smaller commute which will help more than a whole day off would. I also am keen to get more money coming in.

We do just fine. I'd like a cleaner tbh but we do keep on top of housework and laundry. DH and I both pull our weight. I don't feel like I miss out on my children and we've put routines in place that suit our schedules and have plenty of fun together.

I did 4 days when I went back to work with 1 year old and a three year old. It was tiring but worked just fine. I was able to take and pick up on my non working day and was great to have a guaranteed day with them each week in the holidays too. When they are little four normal days worked so much better than three long days. I could be there for breakfast, drop off or pick up from childminder and tea and bedtime every day. I wouldn't have been able to do that with compressed hours

I went from 3 to 4 and I think it was quite an adjustment- I don’t know why you’ve had so many spikey comments. I think 3 days was better for my children and 4 days has been better for me with work. I’m actually less stressed and able to do a good job- something I didn’t feel I was doing in 3 tbh.

I have firm boundaries around my non working day. I think it affects my eldest more than my youngest. It’s fitting in reading, socialising, all of the ‘come to the school for x events’ etc. I’m debating whether to shift my 0:8 to 5 days with 2 1/2 days once my youngest goes to school to be around a bit more in the afternoons.

You’ll get used to it and will benefit from the money but I’m not going to pretend it’s that easy if you’ve been used to less.

What is going to happen in school holidays?

Have they given you a specific working pattern or is it that they want you minimum on 0.8 FTE. I work 0.8 but do it as 3 full days and two half days so I have 2 days when I finish at 1 and can pick up kids. It's a brilliant arrangement. It helps that my DH does the same (obviously different days are his half days) so we only use after-school clubs one day a week.

She’d already have to have covered those with leave. She will get more days’ leave when her working hours go up so there should not be any practical difference.

I am in a similar position and am debating whether to up my hours to 4 days from 2.5 when my youngest starts school in September
For us it's a little easier as husband is fully wfh and I am 90% wfh so we can do school drops offs and pick ups pretty much between us only having to use after school club a little bit
My only worry is the school holidays
Mainly the summer. We have 2 weeks annual leave all together and go on holiday. This means that we're not able to take anymore annual leave during the summer not even the odd day here and there so it would mean 4 weeks of 4 days a week at holiday club. Which I know lots of other children do I just worry
Would need some holiday clubs days too durinf Easter and the other half terms
My older children won't go to holiday club anymore but they are happy at home while we are working but my youngest definitely wouldn't be
It's difficult

Of course it will be fine. Lots of dc have working parents. You are still working part time, albeit more hours. Lots of families manage fine and work full time.

We have a 2 year old and a 6 year old and we both work 5 days a week, always have since both maternity leaves ended at 6 months. 6 months out and back to 5 days a week FT work for us both, with both kids.

not sure what the worry is! Solid childcare - good quality time at home with them - and lots of juggling!

@HaveringWavering not all DC like holiday club so won't want to do more days. Some areas, like mine, don't even offer holiday club so more working days mean even more juggling of childcare. Maybe OP was using relatives to cover some of the holidays, they may not want to cover more days.

I did 4 days from when I went back after DS. He was 14 months. I won't pretend it wasn't sometimes stressful, but it worked fine. He went to a wonderful nursery that provided him with far more opportunities to develop than I could have done, and though it was long days (8 - 6), he always managed fine - plus, it meant he was better prepared for school days than many of his peers.

School has been equally fine - we use wraparound care provided by the school, but paid for privately. He has never been that thrilled about breakfast club, but he's not exactly a morning person, and loves the aftercare provision. Again, it all works fine.

DH and I always have, and continue to, split the pick ups and drop offs evenly between us. It usually means one of us starts and finishes early, the other starts and finishes late, due to the length of our commutes. If this is a consideration for you, make sure your DH fully understands this will be required, and that you both have enough flexibility from your employers to allow you to do so.

I didn’t mention holiday clubs?

I do it - 4 days and 33 hours. Kids are fine and it's not too hectic. We make the most of weekends and I still have one weekday off with the youngest.

Kids 1yr and 5yo. Been doing this since had my first and when had second been doing it since he was 7mo.