Not sure I’m hoping to get out of this but I just need a place to vent.
I have so much going round in my head I don’t even know where to start but basically I’m becoming a total stress head and I can feel the rage in me getting stronger and I’m finding harder to remain calm. I have 1yr old & 6 yr old. Husband goes to work during the day. I’m home with the baby but also part time WFH (very flexible). I feel like since I’ve had the baby I’m just not coping, I feel like I’m doing everything but not doing anything at the same time. The house is a state but no money for a cleaner. I’m always rushing from one thing to another. The baby has started that piercing scream when you put her down 😵💫 Mornings/school runs are the worst. Somehow we’re always rushing and this morning I swore at my poor 6yr old that we were going to be “fucking late again” 😭 it makes me feel like a terrible person and most mornings once I’m back home I just sit and cry once the baby is napping. I feel like I’m working 24hrs which I know is the job of a mum so I must just be shit at it. I don’t get it, everyone else seems to swan in to school carefree whilst I’m puffing through the gates trying to hold it in and the 6yr old is a nervous wreck by this time. I’m starting to resent my husband because I feel he should help more but he has to work 😑 so what’s the answer. I try what to do whilst baby naps but I’m usual so knackered and she’s a contact napper so once I try and put her down it doesn’t usually last very long. She’s a terrible sleeper at night, only sleeping max 2.5 hr stretches. I’ve tried various sleep training and spoken to GP & HV about this at length but she’s just “one of those babies”. So to try and not be up all night I’ve started to go to bed at 9pm. We have dinner as a family at 6pm and bedtime routine starts at 7 (baby) & 7.30 (6yr old). Husband does this so that usually leaves me around 1.5hrs to do whatever before I go to bed myself. If I try and clean or whatever then I would have had literally zero time to myself. I smashed something in anger the other day so I spoke to GP about how I feel and they did a blood test. I was hoping there was a medical reason but nope! I’m just shit. I wish I could run away but also don’t want to leave my babies 😭😭😭