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Preteen secretly eating

4 replies

Moveonward · 10/07/2022 17:05

i have just been through my pre teen DD’s room as it’s permanently messy and wanted to sort through all the end of year detritus that’s in her various bags.

among the scraps of paper, face masks broken pens etc is an alarming amount of biscuit and sweet wrappers. I’m not talking individual wrappers but wrappers for family size packs of custard creams etc. I had noticed that she has put on a bit of weight recently but didn’t want to raise it as her weight fluctuates with growing etc.. the secretiveness of this has really upset me.

she had a history of this a few years back where a tin of sweets stored for Halloween was found virtually empty and when questioned she owned up to sneaking them to her room and eating them.
She seemed deeply ashamed of her behaviour at the time which in hindsight was worrying in itself, but it appeared to stop and so I’ve given her more freedom and trust her more now.

the problem is she is now nearing the end of her first year at secondary school and so has more freedom to use her bank card and go to the supermarket next to her school before she catches the bus home.. how do I tackle this in a way that isn’t going to do further damage?

she is at her dads this weekend and I plan to speak to him about it but he had a really disordered approach to food growing up that I worry may have an impact on how he will react to this.
She hasn’t been unduly stressed or anxious recently to my knowledge but is quite chaotic in the way she approaches looking after things and tidying away etc which I just put down to her age.

does anyone have any experience of this and how did you approach it. I don’t want her to feel shame but want to try and get to the bottom
of why this is happening.

OP posts:
FlipFlops4Me · 10/07/2022 17:36

Have you tried asking her if there's anything worrying her? She might be a comfort eater (like so many of us) and if there is something - even relatively minor - she might be eating her way through the stress.

Moveonward · 10/07/2022 17:56

Shes at her dad’s and I won’t see her now until Tuesday evening. I will definitely do this first before coming down hard but need her to know that I have to trust her if she wants more freedom. It’s so hard to get the balance right

OP posts:
FlipFlops4Me · 10/07/2022 19:04

It could be something like falling out with peers, or getting unpleasant messages on her phone - she needs to feel loved and supported whatever her reason because disordered eating isn't something that's easily controlled, and overeating in secret is as much a problem as any other eating disorder.

In addition, once it's started then even if the root cause doesn't exist any more, it can be so very difficult to stop. I skin pick - it's a stress thing and I know it but if I am stressed I pick even though I know it's unsightly, it's surprisingly painful and it's not my choice. Same sort of thing. And once it's flared up then I keep going even if I've resolved the stressful situation.

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Moveonward · 10/07/2022 19:46

I absolutely agree with your advice- my husband is very black and white and wants to go straight to punishment but I can see this must stem from some sort of underlying anxiety.. I bite my nails and still at 41 can’t control it and especially when I’m stressed out. I plan to try and get her to open up- something she is normally reluctant to do. Thankfully her dad is on the same page and we hope to tackle this together.

I know disordered eating can be really complicated

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