I have been an absolute shell of a person for the last two years. I have had four enormously sad and distressing situations that have all together absolutely destroyed me. I have been living like a scumbag since 2020. Smoking like a chimney, drinking like a fish. My parents have been out of their minds with worry. 2019 feels like a century ago. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I've done to my health. If someone had handed me a crack pipe and told me it would take the edge off I'd have swallowed the fucker. I have been through absolute hell. I'm doing better ish but if I'm honest I'm still not quite right. I still fall off the wagon now and then. Nobody knows in real life. I'd be mortified. I have been dying inside. But one good thing is the stress made me lose two stone in weight and I'm slender again, having not previously been able to see my own knees since I was 25. Fuck me, how great it is to have one chin again! I'm keeping it off because I've adopted some new active outdoor hobbies. Anyway after what feels like a lifetime I finally have a tiny bit of a celebration. I have landed a much wanted new job... and I have dropped Fridays. I no longer work full time, I can have a long weekend every single weekend. This is something I have wanted for ages and I never thought I'd be able to have it. I can run, hike, cycle, paint, write, take my Mum out for lunch. Focus on my recovery and hopefully be just a little bit happier. I'm already planning a long weekend trip in November with my friend. A better work life balance. I really, really want to be happy again. I want my mind to be at peace again. Anyway... it's no big deal to anyone else but it's been a long long time since I've had ANYTHING to get excited about so I just thought I'd share it. Have a nice weekend everyone x