I would really like to know what an old flame is up to

[beststepforward]

Should I try adding him on social media or just messaging him on it? I broke up with him about 14 years ago and he was pretty heartbroken at the time. I really hope he's happy/ settled but there's no way of finding out.

I know many of you will say leave well alone but I feel like I need to know whether he's forgiven me (religious reasons). I might not get the answer im lookin for but at least I can apologise and ask for forgiveness (again v important in my religion)

Honestly, I'd leave it! Those sorts of things never end well. Concentrate on enjoying your life not, not hankering for some guy in the past.

Did you do something that needs forgiven or did you just end it?

Your reasons for contacting him are selfish. You want to be forgiven. But he was heartbroken, and you contacting him might open up old wounds for him. It's not fair to contact him.

If you really want to know what he’s up to then a bit of SM stalking or googling is your friend - but don’t contact him, fgs! He will have moved on with his life, hopefully he’ll have met someone else, and you contacting him is not fair on him and his partner. I’m sure he will have forgiven you after 14 years - we all get our wee hearts broken at some point in our lives, but hearts heal and we move on.

V good point thank you. His profile is set to private so no way of stalking!

There’s always a way… but do it online, quietly, like the rest of us!

No, don't. I would find this extremely selfish and intrusive if I was him.

If he hasn't forgiven you, then what?

It's in the past and has no place in your presence or future.

It was 14 years ago. Of course he got over you. Did he not have any resilience, or did you do something absolutely horrendous?

I was his first love and he wanted to get married. I was into him first but my feelings changed

After 14 years, he's not tried to be in contact, I would think he's moved on and forgotten you tbh. You only want to contact him for selfish reasons. Just leave him alone.

Completely agree with @SirChenjins - there’s always a way 🤣🤣 I’ve never let a private profile stop me 😬🤣
But yes, do it online and leave him well alone. Are you happy and moved on or are you hoping to rekindle the old relationship?

I have an ex from about the same length of time ago that I’m still in frequent contact with. He’s a really great friend. We now talk about parent life, how each of our kids is doing etc, and occasionally we’ll bump into each other at the park and we’ll chat over a coffee while the kids all play. Sometimes his wife is there, sometimes my DH is. Everyone knows everything and it’s all very open. I have other ex’s that I’m not in contact with and I certainly wouldn’t go barging back into their lives!

I'm v happy in a relationship that followed his. I have kids now etc.

Then leave well alone.