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Original poster

Would I be an awful mum to leave DD at home?

13 replies

Funkyslippers · 08/07/2022 19:57

My birthday is coming up. I'd like to go out for dinner to a more expensive place than we would usually. The last several times we've eaten out DD (13) has been truly horrible and ruined the experience but I don't want to stop eating out as I really enjoy it usually (we eat out around once a week in just one of the local pubs, pretty cheap, nothing fancy).

She's pretty surly and grumpy at home but at the pub she moans about everything -the noise, people eating noisily, me getting her off her phone, the time we're taking to finish our drinks etc. And this is wherever we go.

I really don't want my birthday meal to be ruined. Should I just leave her at home if she doesn't sort out her attitude?

OP posts:

Lalosalamanca · 08/07/2022 19:59

If u think she is mature enough to be home alone then absolutely yes.

ApolloandDaphne · 08/07/2022 20:00

Have you got other DC that would be going with you? If it is just you and DP/H then that would be fine but It wouldn't be great to leave her and take siblings.

MolliciousIntent · 08/07/2022 20:01

I certainly would not be treating her to nice meals out if that's how she behaves!

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Discovereads · 08/07/2022 20:04

Your DD may have sensory issues. I do and cannot stand the noise of pubs and busy places. Her phone may be a grounding/calming coping mechanism. How is she in quieter places/times?

minou123 · 08/07/2022 20:05

I can't see it being a problem.

Don't parents often go out for dinner without thier children?

The only problem is if you have other children and take them, but not her

Greensleeves · 08/07/2022 20:06

I would talk to her - can she tell you why she finds the pub such a difficult environment? Is it really an issue if she uses her phone to regulate herself?

I would probably have a conversation with her about your plans, and offer her the choice of coming or not. She may behave better if she feels she has had some agency over the decision to attend rather than being told to, and if she really doesn't enjoy eating out for sensory reasons, she will have an opportunity to explain that to you.

SunflowerGardens · 08/07/2022 20:08

Not if you're taking other kids.

MushMonster · 08/07/2022 20:11

Just take her and speak to her beforehand that you want a quiet and nice evening.
Also, have you tried to find out which is the reason why she moans so much?

Original poster

Funkyslippers · 08/07/2022 20:12

Thanks for the replies. No, no other kids going. From now on if we're just popping to the pub is probably leave her at home but I don't want her to think I don't want to celebrate my birthday with her. I do but only if she's not being a little horror! I don't think she has any sensory issues, she just loves moaning! That's the only way I can say it really

OP posts:

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/07/2022 20:13

I don’t see the problem at all, she doesn’t enjoy it, you don’t enjoy it with her being there. Why would you not?
I don’t even think it matters if you are taking other siblings. Our teen regularly stays home rather then being out with us and his younger sibling.

InFiveMins · 08/07/2022 20:35

I'd be honest with her and tell her you'd love for her to come but only if she behaves, otherwise she can stay at home, and make sure she knows if she misbehaves then she'll be sent home (and stick to it).

Georgeskitchen · 08/07/2022 20:46

At the age of 13 I remember dreading being seen anywhere in public with my parents. It just wasn't cool at that age, particularly if we passed a good looking lad from my school.....oh the shame and embarrassment 😑

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 08/07/2022 21:28

Funkyslippers · 08/07/2022 20:12

It's not about not wanting to celebrate your birthday with her. It's about wanting to have a meal out with your significant other where you are the focus and not her. Family meals are very different to a meal with your partner (or friend or whichever other adult you choose).

You are allowed to want to do that, she can be pissed off all she wants. Have some cake for afternoon tea, and then have a nice evening out.

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