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Original poster

Quick decision needed.

26 replies

SnowyLamb · 08/07/2022 18:08

A man I know (not well) through a hobby is going through a difficult divorce. He hasn't really talked to me about it, but I know others at the club have had the gory details. Currently still living in the family home with wife, it was supposed to be sold soon.

He's just posted an uncharacteristic rant on FB about how the sale has fallen through and wife has told him he can't go home until later because she has company.

It's a beautiful evening, I have no plans and my instinctive response was to post "Beer?".

He's nice enough although laterly has been full of bitterness. It's a good night for a drink in a beer garden, I'd quite like to go. However, I don't want to get in the middle of a messy divorce or particularly be the subject of gossip or listen to him moaning all evening. I'm a fairly recent widow BTW. Not looking for anything except an evening out and if I was, it wouldn't be with him!

Would you?

OP posts:
NotMyDayJob · 08/07/2022 18:09

Personally probably not, he'll definitely rant about the wife and he'll possibly get the wrong idea

Emily29 · 08/07/2022 18:09

Yes why not?

coodawoodashooda · 08/07/2022 18:09

Hmmm. If you only write 'beer?' then yeah

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Relationship problems
rickandmorts · 08/07/2022 18:10

Why don't you delete your comment before anyone sees it and gossips and just message and ask if he fancies going for a drink but make it clear it's friends only?

takeitandleaveit · 08/07/2022 18:11

I wouldn't respond to the fb post, no. You could always send a pm.

kiwiandcherries · 08/07/2022 18:11

I would ask but privately, not as a comment on a post that everyone can read

RhymesWithAntelope · 08/07/2022 18:12

Perhaps send a DM saying "Sounds like you could do with a beer. I'll be in X place at Y time if you fancy joining me"

I wouldn't post on his timeline

kiwiandcherries · 08/07/2022 18:12

Cross posted!

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 08/07/2022 18:12

rickandmorts · 08/07/2022 18:10

Why don't you delete your comment before anyone sees it and gossips and just message and ask if he fancies going for a drink but make it clear it's friends only?

I didn't write it, that was my first instinct, buy I didn't act on it.

I'm not sure messaging him privately seems more serious?

OP posts:
SunflowerGardens · 08/07/2022 18:13

Ask if he fancies a beer but call him mate or pal so he doesn't get any ideas Grin

RhymesWithAntelope · 08/07/2022 18:13

Messaging privately means it's no one else's business if you go for a beer with a mate. IMHO.

Itwasntmeright · 08/07/2022 18:13

Some random airing their dirty laundry on social media? No thank you. You want to avoid other peoples’ drama, and by posting it on Facebook he’s trying to include other people in his drama. He might be a right bastard to his wife for all you know.

WafflyVersatileOohOoh · 08/07/2022 18:14

Nope, I’d stay well away.

Situation sounds messy, he sounds messy and bitter.

rickandmorts · 08/07/2022 18:14

No I don't think it seems more serious to PM someone! Honestly if you want to go for a drink just message him 😁

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 08/07/2022 18:15

He's not completely random, I've had a beer with him before, quite a nice afternoon putting the world to rights. But we did have one other person with us.

OP posts:
Original poster
SnowyLamb · 08/07/2022 18:16

rickandmorts · 08/07/2022 18:14

No I don't think it seems more serious to PM someone! Honestly if you want to go for a drink just message him 😁

I want to go for a drink more than I want to go for a drink with him 😆

OP posts:
Heroicallyl0st · 08/07/2022 18:19

I think you might be trying to rescue him, if subconsciously? You don’t really want to do it, but feeing like it would be a nice thing to do perhaps?

I’d avoid, unless you can be super firm in not taking on more than you really want to eg set the time limit you’re comfortable to spend listening to him and stick to it, and keep an eye how you’re feeling emotionally and if you start to feel drained, back away.

rickandmorts · 08/07/2022 18:20

SnowyLamb · 08/07/2022 18:16

I want to go for a drink more than I want to go for a drink with him 😆

Show quote history

I get that 🤣 I'm currently hot and pregnant and would love to go get pissed in a beer garden somewhere!

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 08/07/2022 18:21

Then message him, could open it up. 'Sorry to hear that mate. Fancy a beer? Weather's great if you or anyone else from <inset hobby> is free for one'

keeprunningupthathill · 08/07/2022 18:21

Go for it, nothing to lose and a chat and a beer sounds lovely!

fghj149 · 08/07/2022 18:21

i think you’re best steering clear - see if anyone else you’d rather go out with is up for it?

Heroicallyl0st · 08/07/2022 18:21

Also just thinking, if you’re a recent widow, is it really him you’re wanting to rescue, or is it because you’re actually feeling lonely and could do with some company? Nothing wrong about that (I was widowed a handful of years ago, can relate!) but perhaps be clear with yourself about what you’re really wanting before you get in touch with him.

Original poster
SnowyLamb · 08/07/2022 18:22

Heroicallyl0st · 08/07/2022 18:19

I think you might be trying to rescue him, if subconsciously? You don’t really want to do it, but feeing like it would be a nice thing to do perhaps?

I’d avoid, unless you can be super firm in not taking on more than you really want to eg set the time limit you’re comfortable to spend listening to him and stick to it, and keep an eye how you’re feeling emotionally and if you start to feel drained, back away.

No, this is completely self centred. I'm just looking for something to do, but I appreciate that it might be interpreted as more "care" than I really mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
SnowyLamb · 08/07/2022 18:27

Heroicallyl0st · 08/07/2022 18:21

Also just thinking, if you’re a recent widow, is it really him you’re wanting to rescue, or is it because you’re actually feeling lonely and could do with some company? Nothing wrong about that (I was widowed a handful of years ago, can relate!) but perhaps be clear with yourself about what you’re really wanting before you get in touch with him.

Absolutely, I just want a reason to leave the house, someone to share a beer with.

I have been completely revamping my friendship groups because unfortunately the couples I thought were our good friends don't seem to be around anymore and he'd make a nice addition, as a friend provided he can out the bitterness aside for a while

It's further complicated by the fact that I'm having lunch with him tomorrow. He and I have organised a club event. Somehow suggesting beer tonight when I'll be with him (albeit in a group) all day tomorrow seems a bit ott? Sorry, that's a drip feed!

OP posts:
TheLadyofShalott1 · 08/07/2022 18:31

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 08/07/2022 18:21

Then message him, could open it up. 'Sorry to hear that mate. Fancy a beer? Weather's great if you or anyone else from <inset hobby> is free for one'

This ^^ or
@fghj149 if you really don't want to have to listen to him ranting!

If you go with @MrsRobinsonsHandprints that gets around the problem of how to message him, and could make for a nicer evening!
If no-one can go with you this evening go on your own, maybe with a good book x