My situation is this. I am a single 37 year old woman... not happy that I don't have a partner but very independent so I can cope without one. I have a good job. Own house. My childhood was loving and secure, two very loving devoted parents. No dramas whatsoever. I do feel pretty lonely in that I spend too much time on my own. Kind of by choice kind of not. The friends I have are decent and real but if I'm honest there are very few people in my life I feel I have much in common with (I've tried to expand and join groups and volunteer and all that bullshit but this thread isn't really about that). I guess other than a partner I fantasise about having a little tribe of people I've clicked with. Really clicked with. Neighbours or a community perhaps. Just people who care about me. Who like me. Although in reality I am hugely introverted and prefer my own company so it's probably all a crap fantasy anyway! Perhaps subconsciously part of the fantasy is me being a more open, social person so that people are drawn to me more or something.
But every so often - quite infrequently - I form unexplainable attachments to people who are little more than total strangers to me. I'm not the kind of person to engage in small talk but on these occasions it just kind of happens and they manage to pull something out of me. Examples:
A few years ago I was stuck in London Euston, train delay. Got chatting to a cockney woman who just made me laugh constantly. Asking me about my love life and telling me about her twat of an ex husband etc, but although I'd usually find people like that overbearing I just adored her! When my train was announced I had to run and we quickly said goodbye take care etc. But I thought about her for ages afterwards and felt so sad I wouldn't see her again.
Another time on a train I randomly got drawn in by a man (no attraction, my Grandad's age probably) who started chit chatting with me but again I somehow didn't mind and we spent a good hour having a right old convo. When I got off the train we were both waving at each other as it went off and I inexplicably just felt like bursting into tears.
At the moment I'm staying in a small hotel. I feel this kind of affection for the lady who runs the place and I can tell even though she's kind of posh and I'm really not, she thinks a lot of me and is always pleased to greet me and chat to me etc. She does this for a living and it's her job to make people feel welcome so I'm nothing special to her but I don't know it just makes me feel... warm. Again I'm heading home tomorrow and I just feel so sad that I'll probably never see her again and when I'm home she'll be 150 miles away. There are probably loads of other examples.
Am I completely nuts?! I don't even know the surnames of these people. It's not like they are enough of an encounter for me to try and stay in contact with them, I would look insane to do so. They all usually live a million miles away anyway. If they were all local and in my area I would happily stop and chat to them all the time and hopefully eventually build up friendships with them! But they're not.
It also doesn't escape my attention that these people are always much older than me. But again I have two parents who are my world I don't need further parental figures... and it's not like I'm super mature for my age or anything. Oddly enough on a holiday with friends a couple of years ago I was forced into socialising with people my own age who we ended up spending the whole week with... I couldn't wait to leave!!
Does anyone else ever feel this softness towards random people?