How do deal with people who assume you're stupid?

[SnowyLamb]

And of course by people I mean men.

I'm the operations manager, it's a jack of all trades kind of job managing HR, finance and premises. I'm not a specialist in any aspect, but I've been doing it a long time and have a good knowledge base. I'm also basically bright, with a degree and Maths and Physics ALevel, so although I don't work in a technical field I do understand what I'm told and can grasp things quickly.

We've moved into a new building. As you'd expect there are snags and it's my job to liase with the contractor to get them sorted. Without exception these men try to fob me off with nonsense explanations on the assumption that I couldn't possibly understand or see the flaw in their argument.

There have been three really major issues which their opening position was that all was well and I didn't understand hiw thing work and 3 months and a lot of aggravation later they've had to concede that I was right, but even so, they're still behaving in the same way on other issues.

I properly lost my temper with one of them this morning, which is obviously not good, but by god they had it coming!

Fellow female ops manager here in a male dominated industry! I'm lucky to be surrounded by a mixed gender team including plenty of male feminists thank god! But I've found my main solution is to do everything by email so I have a clear trail of other people's incompetence, particularly if they're 3rd party contractors!

My actual colleagues wouldn't dream of treating me this way, these are external contractors.

I do use email a lot, I have it all written down that they've tried to fob me off, but that doesn't stop it.

What is an ops manager? Sounds interesting. Is it private sector?

You get them in most industries private and public sector. I'm in a school, basically run everything that isn't teaching and learning!

sign emails with a male sounding name. Ie if you’re name is Julia Surname use just J. surname. Or John. See if they respond differently. Or sometimes I say “(male name) told me there is a problem with x and you’d be able to fix it”… so they think a man found the problem not me.

or get cross and tell them off. (I do often crack and go to this option too btw)

it depends what you want - to get your job done or to correct their behaviour? Sadly if they’re chauvinists who treat you like an idiot in the first place, they just going to thing you’re “hysterical” if you have a go at them.

Some men are pigs.

Yes, I think "hysterical" is probably what I achieved today. I have to meet them in person, there's no hiding who I am.

Pull them up on iit every time. Don't be too polite. Don't smile. If they start to give you flannel stop them and tell them it won't wash. If they continue, change contractor. I find the only way is zero tolerance.

I can't change contractors. They built it and we're in the snagging period.

I do pull them up on it, they don't care, possibly genuinely don't believe they do it

Female surgeon here.... often get called love by patients (and staff)!!!

I use to say something, sometimes I just smile...

Then wait to inform the patient that I'll be operating on them 😬

I am over qualified for my manual job with a mensa iq.
I just let them think what they want tbh, and laugh inwardly.

I've been a computer programmer for 20 years. So I've had many, many men assume I'm stupid. Things I've done:

1. smile, brush off and carry on
2. deliberately work with them on something, so they quickly learn you're not daft as they get to know you
3. steer conversation to a technical subject you are more confident or experienced in (especially easy if you're interviewing them and have their CV. I only do this until they stop being arses in interviews)
4. do something they've been trying to do for ages, but failed (the only risk is they think you're smart but hate you)
5. become an expert in something, preferably backed up with conference talks and blog posts. I knew someone who would barely talk to me until he attended a talk I did, then he was very nice to me. (What a dick.)
6. use an ally man to generally involve in communications. The problem man can address the ally man, and the ally man can reply "what do you think female colleague? you're the expert in this area"
7. work with a man, but do all the work. The man is there to make people feel secure, because he is involved.
8. feed the most respected men around you the ideas you really want to see happen, and hope they steal them (obviously you don't get the acknowledgement, but some ideas are so good, it's worth it to see them have a chance, plus respected man respects you more, which can be handy)

I don't know how well these tactics translate to your situation though. Maybe 3) and try to use your natural brightness against them to give them a bit of uncomfortable, out-of-depth confusion whenever they're treating you like an idiot.

Btw, somehow my current team is all women at the moment. I love it!