If you ended up childless do you ever wish you did it alone? Assuming you wanted them

[Jlao]

Just that really. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. Always wanted kids but I’m getting on a bit and no partner in sight.

I think it is easy to assume that having a partner equals having help. My dh didn't do any nights because he worked nights, and has never really 'taken' to fatherhood in the sense of the word that you might hope for. He worked abroad for a year when our child was between the ages of 3 and 4, and you know what, I was fine.

So I say go ahead, and never, ever imagine that having a partner might make it easier. It sometimes just gives you one more person to look after.

I got to the age where I really wanted a child and didn’t want to wait around. Around that time I met a guy. He was nice, he liked me and he was happy to marry and have kids but there was no spark for me. I thought it was enough. It wasn’t and I left fairly soon after the baby arrived. He’s not seen her since. I should definitely have just had a child on my own. It would have been easier all around, more honest, fairer and less messy. The baby made my life but the marriage was not my finest moment.

@Whoatealltheminieggs how old were you if you don’t mind me asking? Does it not help having cms though? If he wanted kids with you why does he not see them? Just wondering as sometimes I’ve wondered if it was the less messy way of doing it rather than more so!

Well, if the partner is bringing some money in, it does make a difference, it is definitely not the same having a partner that works away than being a single parent.

I have a few friends and a married in relative that didn’t have children due to lack of partner. Only one considered going it alone and she waited till she was 44. She did have the money but it was far too late and her AMH, eggs and fertility generally meant it was never going to happen.

Two of them were strung along by men who then left them late thirties for other women, I felt really bad for those two as I had known them since we were at school and they really wanted children. Plus the men messed with their heads and had children with other women.

I have known 3 single parents, all of them had huge money issues. Two received a lot of practical help from their families and one didn’t. I would say one did their parenting in a way that was detrimental to their child’s development. Not unkind, quite the opposite actually but she now has a useless adult DS.

Me and DH almost split up when I was in my 30s because I wanted children and he didn't. I was fully prepared to go it alone - either through adoption or with a sperm donor. Of course I can't say for certain whether I would have but I'm pretty sure I would. I've always had an overwhelmingly strong maternal instinct and I just felt I HAD to channel it somewhere. I was looking in to all the options when he had a change of heart and we now have children. It's a hard situation OP and difficult to know whether you'd regret not having children - or regret having them alone. I hope you can be at peace with whatever happens.

I definitely would not have done it alone.

I think about it a lot as I am a single parent who had children later in life. I loved it when they were small and I had a partner but I hate it now and I know I would never have considered having children alone. It just wasn’t on my radar at all.