DCs refusing to go on scouts camp this weekend...what to do?

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Don't know how to handle this....bit of advice would be appreciated.

DS 13, announced yesterday that he wants to go out with his friends all-day on Sat to celebrate his best friend's birthday . Says he doesn't want to go camping because of this and also because none of his scout friends are going on this camping trip and it'll be boring. As we can't force him to go DH and I said ok.

Now DD 11 is refusing to go because it transpires that her friend from scouts not going. She is not that sociable and is only friends with this one girl really.

What to do??! We've already paid £35 per child. It's not the money so much butDH and I hardly ever get a child free day, can count on one hand. So was really looking forward to it....argh!!

Id want some serious chores done around the house to pay back that money, at NMW thats about 3 hours of proper work, whether it be ironing, washing up, hoovering, cleaning windows, weeding, washing a car. Serious labour

I wouldn’t make them go.

You've paid. They go.

If I'd paid then they would be going. The choice only comes at the time of booking. Once booked, that's it, bar sickness etc.

But the OP doesn't have to fund the birthday. they can cite the £35 they spent on camp and how that's been wasted and they don't want to bung DS another £20-30.

If DS wants to go out with friends instead, and waste his parents money, the he'll have to magic up the money to go out with his mates.

Not unreasonable.

If they consented to going at the point of paying then tough shit.

They don't get to back out. I wouldn't care if the Queen wanted tea with them. They don't get to waste money like that on a whim.

Did they truly get a say at the time of booking or did you just book it for them? That’s really important to how I would manage it.

I'd be really annoyed if they are bailing on camp because of a "better offer", certainly wouldn't be enabling the day out!
DS would have to get himself there, pay his way, and get himself home!

I imagine in 30 years time there’s going to be a lot of posts talking about the time they were forced to go on a camp and miss out on a friend’s birthday or forced to go when their parents knew their only scout friend wasn’t going because the parents wanted some child free time.

Dd1 has gone all the way through from. Beavers and is now a young leader in scouts. Dd2 has gone through and is now a scout. Don't be so sneery pp about scouts. It's good for them

Op I would be saying it's either camp or they go out with no money to spend personally. But in future if its paid for they go

Activities aren’t supposed to be a chore. If they don’t want to go - I wouldn’t make them. I have awful memories of being made to go to stuff when I was younger and just hating it.

I always make sure they did swimming (non negotiable), but everything else - if they tire of it, then fine. I ask them to finish the term. But this camp - they both have really valid reasons for not wanting to go IMHO.

My rule is the first thing they signed up for is the one they do.

If they said they wanted to go when asked, they need to go.

If OP didn't ask them, well, ask them next time.

I don't think you should do something you don't want to. Reasonable to expect people to commit to lessons once they've tried it and asked to continue but going away for a weekend is quite daunting. I wouldn't make mine do it

Same here. DS went to cubs and scouts because his friends did. There were quite a few who didn't really want to go to the (very basic) camp but like OP, it was very cheap childcare for the parents!

My rule with DD is that if its been paid for already, then she has to go, but I always ask her first if she wants to go on the camp (or whatever) so her chance to decide is then. Should make that rule clear from the beginning though, so this time I'd let them drop out but certainly wouldn't be giving any money for the day out.

DS 13 is a reluctant Scout, but when I say that he doesn't have to go, he says he still wants to.

He went to camp last week (not in England) and did a motor vehicle maintenance badge where they were given an old car that they had to get working again. There were ropes courses at the camp, they did kayaking, had to cook all their meals themselves, went swimming in a lake, and he went off in the woods to do a wilderness survival course. DH and I had a lovely week to ourselves without any kids in the house!

That's pretty shit for the volunteers who've spent their free time arranging and planning and delivering this event to have multiple kids drop out at the last minute because they can't be arsed to keep their commitment.

This!

I'm a cub leader, and this would drive me crackers, that a cub's parents would let a child just drop out after all the planning we've done - it's an absolutely massive effort to plan, set up, and take kids on camp - and I'd be pretty annoyed if cubs dropped out due to a 'better offer'. Obviously it's different if they're ill.

Luckily it hasn't happened to us so far for camp, although it has happened frequently by one particular cub for smaller, one day events. His parents often sign him up for things, then pull him out at the last minute. Very frustrating, but if does make me wonder if they asked him if he wanted to go in the first place.