Will I ever be happy?

[Sunflowers2047]

It's 3:31am. I have not been to sleep yet because I struggle so much to get to sleep and to stay asleep. I have now suffered with my mental health for 17 years with only brief episodes of happiness. I have been on 7 different anti depressant/anti anxiety medications. I have seen more counsellors than I can remember to count. I have been under the care of five different psychiatrists. I feel now that I might just never be happy. The thought of that terrifies me to the bone.

What do you think happiness is?

Ok. That's a lot.

I guess there's something behind that.

Which is what you have to get to the bottom of.

The trauma.

You can absolutely be happy. You need to understand yourself though.

It's not something I can help you with.

More therapy?

Do you know what you need?

Is there any pattern to the happiness?

@Aquamarine1029 feeling happy. Not being in the constant state of anxiety feeling knotted sick in my stomach. Not feeling sad and hopeless all the time.