Wasn’t expecting to feel like this!

[Sfuandtired]

So DH started working away during the week a few months back, his idea, I wasn’t too keen at the time but went with it, however I’ve now realised I actually prefer it when he’s not here, don’t miss him, and the household is calmer and tidier , I don’t like to admit that but it’s true, I’m not sure where this leaves us?!

I feel the same too. Much prefer when OH isn't here. Wish he would leave me alone. He aggravates me and I hate sleeping with him. I actually don't love him and told him so in January. He told me I didn't know what I was saying suggesting I had lost my mind. We don't gave sex and he's asking why. He's holding me emotionally hostage and I dong feel normal anymore. All I do is work.

I do enjoy husband being away but I always look forward to him coming home. If you dread it then it's worth addressing.

And THIS is the secret to a long happy marriage !

This is why I love having a dp I don't live with.

That sounds quite troubling and very unhealthy. I hope you're able to get support

CandyLeBonBon don't really have alot of support. Two of my friends are aware but what can they do. It's difficult staying in a loveless marriage and the worst thing is I've been feeling like this for a few years already.
I checked out along time ago but he would rather play the charade.

If your feeling like this I'd go and see a solicitor for a free hour and take advice; this is not what to live - life is too short

I think a lot of women feel the same. It's not an unhealthy thing at all - at least it isn't if you enjoy it when he comes home too.
I know a few marriages where one or the other spouse travels a fair bit, and they all seem to quite like the time apart (at least the one at home does). Time to themselves, doing things the way they want, not needing to take another's feelings into account. But it is also with the knowledge that the spouse is coming back and they can look forward to that too.
If it's something you want to make permanent- well that's a whole other thing.

Thank you for your replies.

Same happened with XH.

In my case it was night/evening shift work. I slowly realised i preferred life on the weeks he was working lates and i hardly saw him. I was quite happy doing all the parenting of our 3 under 5s and chilling out without him.

It was the start of the end tbh. Divorced him.
Happily re-married now though 😃

Gotta be honest - this was a catalyst for me in my divorce. Was having a chat with all my girlfriends about 5 years ago, where we all agreed we preferred it when our husbands weren't there. I just thought, what on Earth are we doing then. Luckily he had an affair, it was all logistically possible, children all fine - so now very happily divorced and so much happier. I'll never have to sigh when I hear his key in the lock ever again. Bliss.

I feel the same. When my husband is away, the kids and I are in a great routine. Everyone is happy and calm.
When my husband is home, all routines are thrown out of a window. There is madness in the house.
I love my husband... but I also love when he's not around.

It makes me wonder if men make women's lives harder?

I think this is a very interesting question.

Firstly i think there isn't going to be one answer fits all because i have 2 different experiences myself and everyone's lives are different.

As i said above:
XH - we had 3 under 5s, and he chose to do shift work which meant he missed 95% of the parenting. I slowly realised i was fine without him around. Our relationship had always been ... cool though. No heart thumping romance. Just jogging along. I simply liked it when he wasn't there to be messing the place up, having dibs on what was on TV and generally being a waste of space. I stuck it out for 12 years and then left him. No big fireworks (just like the marriage!) DCs came with me. He had no interest in them and didn't manage to fake it any different and contact with them had dwindled to zero by year 4. (this is 13 years ago).

DH 2. Love him madly. Married 10 years. Fabulous step dad and fabulous dad to our DD together. The thought of him still gives me butterflies in my tummy and he's my best friend and lover. I do love the peace and quiet and order in the house when he's not here BUT - i also count the hours till he's home as well. That's the difference. I enjoy the house calm, but i love it when he's in it too. I accept his mess and noise happily too, because i feel as if he has my back and we are a team. Didn't have that with XH and the negatives slipped into outweighing any positives.

Oh, you are me! In 2019, DH travelled all over and was probably away for about 4 months in total (not one long stretch, though). That was a bit much and I felt frazzled as I work and we have 2 kids under 12. After Covid hit, he went NOWHERE EVER and it was awful 😂. Since mid-21, he travelled a little and it was great. Like others said, you get to just focus on you for a bit. Then he was on gardening leave so at home all day in the week but with nothing to do. It's been hard work for me as he hangs around while I'm working, wanting to chat! He starts a new role next week as is off to Europe for the week. Perfect 👌. Don't feel bad. You're an independent human being and it's OK to be happy alone so long as you're also happy together.

I think if you’re introverted or just even not 100% an extrovert then it’s lovely to have the house to yourself. I lived alone for a few years when I was single and I loved it!

Even when DP and I were in the early honeymoon period of our relationship my heart would skip an excited beat if he was going to be out for the evening 😂 and I see his eyes light up whenever I have to go to dinner with the girls etc. I don’t think it’s a reflection of love for each other to treasure alone time! As long as you’re not dreading his return.

I was thinking the other day that I hope in my winter years I am a widow while I am still fit as a fiddle and can enjoy my last few years pottering around and eating when I want to, catching up with the girls, maybe living in a house by the sea with girl friends like in practical magic. We can all go in for a 24/7 carer haha.

I used to like DH being away during the week too. There was more time to just relax and less to do. I still looked forward to the weekends when he was home.