Would you move to be closer to school?

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DH and I are going round in circles on this.

We moved to this area a couple of years ago. There were no places at our closest school but DD (then year 1) got offered a place at a school in the next town. She settled in really well and made good friends so we kept her there even when a place came up at our closest school as we didn’t want to disrupt her. Also the school she’s at (in the next town) has a better reputation than the closer school, although I know these things are very subjective.

It takes about 20 minutes each way to get there (including driving, parking, walking to the playground etc) so it’s really not THAT bad but I’m sick of it! The vast majority of kids walk as they live in the streets around the school. Playdates are fine and we manage but it always involves driving. I just don’t feel such a close connection to the school community compared to our old school where we lived a 5 minute walk away.

We also have a younger DS who is about to start at the same school so the school runs are stretching way way into the future.

As a result I want to consider moving house. This would obviously cost us in stamp duty etc plus the area closer to the school is more expensive so we might have to downsize. DH thinks I’m totally bonkers and can’t understand why I’d consider this extra expense just so we no longer have to drive to school.

He does share pick ups and drop offs 50/50 so it’s fair enough that he gets a vote 😆

For context, it’s unlikely that it would affect secondary schools. She’d probably go to the same secondary whether we stay here or move house as both areas feed into the same school.

So am I totally mad or do I have a point??

I would move closer to the school if I could.

All of the childrens friends would be in the same sort of area, which helps with play dates and going out to play.

It’s less stress with driving. You could walk if it was close enough. So no worrying about traffic.

I'd make sure I was close enough they could walk to secondary.

Don't move.
Moving is huge and more unsettling than you realise. The stress is enormous and I'm really not sure it's worth it.
Your scenario doesn't sound so bad, especially if your DH does 50/50 pick up and drop offs.
I have lived next to the primary, practically on top of the primary, half an hour away from the primary by car, an hour's walk (no transport) from the primary. I've had all the experiences and I can promise you, even when you can chuck 'em out their bedroom window and they land on two feet, fully dressed, at the school gates, you will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get fed up of the school run. Always. It's in the Parenting Contract that we sign (see the small print underneath the section: The School Run Will Always Suck Regardless of Distance).

One of the pluses about having some distance from the school is not running into everyone all the time. You'll find that sometimes, you actually do need that space from school and the families (lovely as they are).

You need to look at overall quality of life... what would you gain vs what you would lose...

You mention down sizing... do you mean losing a spare bedroom or do you mean children sharing? Losing a home office you work from home from?

Less disposable income... what would that effect?

Effect on commuting distances?

I agree having to drive for school is annoying and frustrating.

I genuinely think you are better off staying put ! You and husband have the balance right.
Living a certain distance away is healthy . Gives you a bit of space from the other families .

Living within walking distance of school (primary and secondary) added to our quality of life in so many ways.

Spontaneity of playing with friends, reciprocal help when someone was running late, feeling part of a close community, more independence as the kids grew older and could walk to each other’s houses etc.

Once your younger child is a bit older you will have 2 wanting to do different clubs or play dates and will be a complete taxi.

You are spending over 6.5 hours every week driving! That must be costing a significant amount of petrol.

I would move.

If you are happy in your house then no I wouldn't move if I was in your shoes.

Thank you so much, very interested to see the split of responses!

We are happy in our current house in all other ways, yes. Moving would mean losing a spare bedroom although the children would still have their own rooms.

There is a bus to the secondary school if that makes a difference. You can also walk it in around 45 minutes, a fairly well used track but it’s across woodland so only suitable in daylight.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture. I went to 2 schools that were both about 20-30 mins from my house. It would have been nice to live in the village, from the outside, but with adult eyes I would have hated:

• Losing the fields near my house I loved playing in


• Losing my neighbours who were my out-of-school friends


• Losing the amenities of where we lived. When I was a teen I really loved being able to go to the library on foot, this would have been impossible from the village my primary school was in

I think living near your high school is better as you get that independence, so if you're looking at a move, would you move again to the next place for high school (assuming it's not near where you're considering moving to, as I'm confused as to whether it's a 45 min walk from your current home or the proposed new place). I suppose the big difference now compared to when I was little was petrol was 70p a litre (and went up to £1 shortly after I started high school) so it wasn't such a huge expense.

*I went to two primary schools that were 20-30 mins from my house that should have said.

If you were otherwise going to stay in your home long term then I would stay.
I know you have another child that will be going to that school but the tears fly by so quickly. Yes somethings maybe pain for now but honestly by the time you've taken school holidays out of the year it is not that big of a deal.
If you were thinking of moving at some point maybe sooner rather than later but I wouldnt be giving up spare rooms if you've got that now.

My primary school was in theory about 10m drive from my house but with the traffic always more like 20.
My secondary school was half an hours drive - an hour by bus.

From a child's perspective, I didn't mind at all not living near my friends (maybe I would have done if I didn't have sisters). I would not have wanted to move unless we were moving to a nicer house!

Obviously there is also the adults' perspective (yours) to bear in mind.

Thank you!

To clarify, the secondary school is a 45 minute walk from current house, or there is a bus. If we moved it would probably be a 5-15 minute walk.

I love this, you’re so right about the school run always being a drag!

Hi, I know this was a while ago, I'm having the same dilemma and its very stressful. What did you do in the end ? Thanks

OP here, apologies I’m not on MN that much these days so only just saw your post.

We haven’t moved house. We talked about it a lot but ultimately decided that the cost/hassle wasn’t worth it.

I still think about it sometimes (especially when there are roadworks and I’m stuck at temporary traffic lights on the school run…) but I’m more or less resigned to staying here now and I think that’s the right decision overall. It’s been nearly four years of doing this drive now so it’s kind of become my “normal”.

A few other things have changed as well, which have all contributed to how I feel about the situation:

• The catchment area of the school has expanded, so there are now more parents who drive to school and I feel like less of an anomaly.
• As time has gone on and my kids have got older, I feel like I’ve become less invested in the school in general and it all feels a bit more transactional. I feel less of a desire to be a part of the school community, so not being round the corner is less of an issue for me.
• I changed jobs. There were a whole range of reasons for this but one major benefit is that I’m less time poor and have more time to get to/from work, so the school run is less stressful.
• It’s a cliche but the school years do go by so fast. We’re already looking at secondary schools for my eldest and it suddenly doesn’t feel too long until the primary school runs are a thing of the past.

That’s not to say that if I had my time again, I’d make all the same decisions. Looking back I do regret moving away from our old school, which was walking distance. I don’t think I valued that as much as I should have done at the time. But hindsight is 20/20!