Hate my new job! So depressed

[user1495964242]

So I really need some help, I've made a terrible life desicion and now it's negatively affecting every part of my life😫

So I was working full time mon-fri 6.30am - 3.30pm and every other Saturday 7am-12pm at a motor factors. I really enjoyed my job and had some great friends there.

My other half also worked with me but was offered a job as a trainee composite laminator, working 7.30-3.30 Mon to Friday.

Fast forward a few months and he is loving life there, and they opened the trainee scheme again, so excited at the prospect of not working weekends and Bank Holidays meaning more time to spend with my 2 children (10 & 12) I decided to leave my job for this one.

Well to say I am miserable would be the understatement of the century. I cry every single day, I've had multiple meltdowns at this new job about how much I absolutely hate it and wany my old job back. I tried to get my old job back 2 days into this new one but they had already got the contract signed by my replacement.

I honestly know I can't handle staying where I am now and I can only compare the anxiety and depression I feel now to what I did when my marriage broke down.. I know we cannot afford for me to be out of work, but I don't know how long I can carry on feeling the way I do.

It's ruining my relationship as I blame him for encouraging me to leave my job and go there, and he resents me for creating this awful situation by leaving..

I've applied for around 11 jobs and heard nothing back from any so far, I'm very limited to what I can apply for as I need to pick my children up from school 3 times a week and be there for them on the weekend so I need a 3.30/4.00 finish like I had before but they seem to be like a needle in a haystack.

I just feel so desperate and down, I know it's only a job but without a job we'll lose our house and its all snowballing so quickly!

Sorry I really needed to vent, if anyone made it this far thank you just for reading x

How long have you been in the new job, what is it about the job thats making you feel like you do?

Its been 2 weeks today, its just everything about the job, its in a factory using tools and chemicals., its a very manly job and there is zero room for error where the parts being made are for supercars. We make carbon fibre parts for maclaren/Gordon Murray/singer etc alot of the parts are very big and heavy.. its just the total opposite of anything I've ever done before and honestly I have no interest in it what so ever x

Have you given it long enough? Is it just so different that you're missing the predictability of your old job? I wonder whether you've allowed enough time to settle into it.

Would your old employers take you back?
I have wondered the same today!
Im 3 weeks in to a new job, well in the 3rd week. I moved to be nearer my house but I liked my old job. They do say you have to give a job 6 weeks before you can really assess. So. Ill try not to feel any regret for another month.

can you arrange a meeting with HR at your old job and basically plead to be re-employed at any position if that’s doable

I wondered this myself but I honestly think as much as I miss my old work, I do hate what I'm being asked to do.. I'm a very girly girl and working with tools and knives and nuts & bolts is so not me and I know I'll never grow to like it :( Its totally my own fault for having tunnel vision on working no weekends that I didn't consider what could go wrong :/ x

I went back to my old boss 2 days into my new job and begged for my job back, he said he'd be more than happy to take me back but it had to go through HR and he called me the next day to say HR informed him the contract had already been signed by the new person so there wasn't a vacancy anymore for me to come back :( he's promised to keep me in mind if anything comes up but I know this new person won't leave anytime soon!x

You poor thing, what a pain! Could it be that you are on a bit of a steep learning curve? No one likes doing things they’re not good at but if it’s skilled work, it means you are going to need some time to get into it. If you were really good at it, could you imagine yourself enjoying it more?
Some people who have perfectionist tendencies can find the repeated frustration and “failure” that comes with developing a complex skill really challenging at first but grow to love it once they see progress. Could that be you?

I definitely understand what you mean as I am quite like that in terms of I like everything to be perfect and get very frustrated if it isn't so that part makes perfect sense, but on the other hand I know even if I was easily able to do the job, I physically hate every step of it and I think I'm so sad because I know I'll never like it and that I've made a huge mistake😔 everyone I've spoken to there seems really excited about the parts they make and how they go on high end cars and I think you need that enthusiasm but for me I have zero interest so I can't drive myself to want to make it perfect as they want it when all I do is fantasise about walking out the door and not going back! Some people who started training with me and dropped out (which is 6 out of 10 so far!!) have described it as prison work and I do understand what they mean by that xx

Ok, so on what basis did they recruit you? Interview? Skills assessment?

They must have seen some potential or aptitude. Even if you don't see it in your panic.

You're uncomfortable because you've stepped out of a familiar 'safe' environment into something alien and your brain misses the old routine. Your brain will adjust and then you won't feel panicked. You're homesick, but your new place can become home.

You're also telling yourself you can't do the job - which is self-fulfilling and making you even more anxious.

I don't believe there is nothing whatsoever that you can't master in your current workplace that will make you feel more capable and less anxious. Even if it's just walking into the building and feeling confident - the more times you do it and stick with it the easier it feels.

Pick one small tiny element of the job or workplace to get comfortable with. Then another. Set a goal to learn something tiny and only focus on getting good at that one thing (rather than ALL the stuff you don't know all at once). It is satisfying to master things, however small (as long as you're noticing the fact that you're mastering them!).

Find one positive you want to take from this workplace. Giving it your best effort to learn what you can despite how intimidating it felt would be such an accomplishment (and interesting story to tell in future) even if you decide to put a 6 or 12 month time limit on working here.

Setting a 6/12 month time limit to give it your all and then move on might make it feel more manageable too.

While you are doing those things, explore your other options so that next time you make a calm informed decision. If you make a decision while you're panicking you'll just jump into something worse.

Take control, focus on the positives - you'll feel better

but on the other hand I know even if I was easily able to do the job, I physically hate every step of it and I think I'm so sad because I know I'll never like it and that I've made a huge mistake

That's a story you're telling yourself though, it's not fact. And that story is changing how you behave in ways that prevent you from succeeding. (Or if you can predict the future that accurately what are the winning lotto numbers please? And why didn't you foresee how you feel today?)

What if you told yourself a different story? Why do you need to care about high end cars to feel accomplished and capable through mastering something unfamiliar? Why can't you feel proud at becoming the most precise or becoming someone who can teach others?

I couldn't care less about cars either but I can see how it would be incredibly satisfying to produce quality work that other people trust (and other people couldn't do!). That sounds amazing.

Tell yourself a different story and you'll feel different, which will make you behave differently and then you will get an outcome that is better.

(Or you can choose to keep telling yourself this catastrophic story that is making you feel shit.)

oh dear, prison work, does not sound like the dream! Is there any chance you could have a chat with HR and tell them you love the company but you know the work isn’t for you but you would love to be considered for x position if it comes up? Maybe you could do a deep dive into which department would be a good fit for you and would have scope for training/career progression? If other people have just left the training scheme they probably know it’s not for everyone but they might appreciate the fact that you want to stay with the company.

I don't really understand why you applied. Surely you must have known you'd be making parts and whether that was something you'd be interested in or not. Did your partner not tell you what would be involved and that it'd be mostly working with men? It all just seems rather odd.

@Crinkle77 to be fair, OP has said that she made a mistake and has come here explicitly for help and advice. I’m not sure how much an explanation of why she made that mistake will help us in helping her. I imagine, given her description in the original post, it had something to do with how positive the experience was for her partner, the better hours and, it being a training scheme, the better prospects of career progression. People over estimate how much they will enjoy a career change all the time, sometimes it just takes trying it out to learn that.

I went there because of the hours and not working weekends, I knew I wouldn't love the job or be passionate about it like my other half is but I definitely thought I'd be able to tolerate the job and be able to see it through for the hours but I didn't realise how meticulous and demanding the job really is.

I went there because of the hours and not working weekends, I knew I wouldn't love the job or be passionate about it like my other half is but I definitely thought I'd be able to tolerate the job and be able to see it through for the hours but I didn't realise how meticulous and demanding the job really is.

@allgoodabc thank you, you're completely right the reason I left my job to come here was purely the hours, and no working weekends which meant more time with my children.. I thought I could just get used to a job I don't particularly like for great hours not realising I would absolutely hate it as opposed to just not liking it :( x

Can you look for a different new job with similar hours?

It's always good to learn more about what you hate doing so you can avoid it in future!