The dread of work the next day

[GorgeousLadyofWrestling]

I never used to feel like this, I used to love my job. I work at a start up and report directly to the CEO. I used to think he was wonderful but over the last couple of years, I realise he’s actually not that nice. Unintentionally toxic behaviour, as someone else described it. It’s chaotic and the hard and he keeps changing his mind on how to do things. When you’re on his radar, you just get talked and talked at. He’s not unkind but it’s not great either.

It’s just relentless and my confidence is waning. I’ve seen him get rid of people many times over and how he’s slowly undermined them. Now it’s my turn. I’m planning my leave but it takes time to find a new role. Until then, I have to gee myself up to work each day, anticipating being ground down every day.

I don’t really know what I’m after, posting this. Commiserations on that horrible dread of the next day, maybe. I don’t know. I feel so worn down by it all. I don’t even know how I will get back into interviewing and presenting myself well enough to get another job.

You need to make finding a new job your job. Find time in working day to do this. Fuck 'em.

You're doing the right thing by planning to leave (I always did this when the Sunday night dread came).

You're giving him too much power, you need to take this back so uou have the confidence to be successful in your job hunt.

Solidarity @GorgeousLadyofWrestling - feeling the same here. I landed my dream job just over a year ago, and have recently grown to hate it. Colleagues who I now see are toxic, work that has become mundane and tedious, no desire to progress…the money is great but that’s about it. I’ve started working with a careers coach to try to figure out my next step but that doesn’t make having to face the day to day any easier.

Ah @GorgeousLadyofWrestling I could have literally written this, it's so hard isn't it. Just sending solidarity. I don't even have the balls to leave as I'm on great pay / hours etc but omg it's killing me.

Sympathies OP.

I made finding a new job my top priority, when it got to the point that I was spending every Sunday afternoon crying because I was dreading the week ahead.

Hope you find something better.

Just reading these posts is making me feel so much better. Not because you’re all struggling with it too but just because…solidarity I guess.

@MacaroniBaloney youre right, I am giving him far too much power. When he messages me and says he wants a chat, my heart sinks because I know what’s coming. I’m senior leadership for god’s sake! An old colleague suggested saying I didn’t want to talk right now but that seems impossible to say - surely I have to speak to the CEO when he wants me to? I’m quite new to senior leadership so not sure what’s acceptable to push back on.

@WombleOfWimbledon2022 how much did your career coach cost? I feel so messed in the head by the chaos of where I work, so burnt out, I don’t know where to even start thinking about what new role. Just that I need to leave.

@FluffingMarvellous sorry it’s so bad for you too. I am also on great pay but just can’t take it anymore. I can see myself being undermined like the others (who have now gone). I can literally see it happening and just don’t want any part of it.

@GorgeousLadyofWrestling around £1000 for 6 sessions over 3-6 months (pace led by me). Not cheap and I did see others who were less pricey but my coach specialises in coaching people in my profession and she used to work in a role quite similar to mine. I thought it would be more useful going with her (and paying a bit more) as she seems to understand exactly where I’m at and has made me realise I am definitely not the only one in my profession who has gone through this!

I approached her feeling exactly how you do - burnt out, jaded, frustrated, no idea about what to do or where to start. I’ve had two sessions and although I don’t yet have an answer it has been really beneficial to start to work out what I find fundamentally important in terms of my career/what I do and to open my mind to other possibilities both within and outside my current profession (rather than just look for the same/similar roles at other organisations in the hope that “this time it will be different”).

When he messages me and says he wants a chat, my heart sinks because I know what’s coming. I’m senior leadership for god’s sake!

OP you have seen his MO with other people and can see 'it' coming, so (assuming you believe that the writing is actually on the wall) one way you could take some sort of control is to prepare yourself for 'the conversation'.

The 'it's not working out/your role is no longer required' comes to most people at a certain level at some point (for many different reasons), so take the time to think through what he might say, what your responses would be, how much you would be looking for, your negotiation strategy, what comms you would want etc

Role play the conversation with yourself until you can take as much shock and emotion out if it as you can. It reduces some of his power and means that you are as prepared as you can be.

It doesn't make Sundays any more bearable at the moment, so a handhold for you

@myuterusistryingtokillme that’s really sound advice, thank you. I’m the second person in this role, promoted up after the first person was let go. I’ve come into the role inexperienced at this level but have been doing it for a year and have had a huge amount of growth in my skill set and I am thankful for that. It’s given me a lot to take into another role.

I just wanted to chime in as, although I know this won’t get better until you can change your job, I have found there are things to do to make it bearable in the meantime… I used to spend half my weekend dreading Monday which was a complete waste of my weekend!

DH and I basically got into a routine we’d look forward to every Sunday … simple and inexpensive stuff starting with going to a country park or similar with our dog and going for a walk (usually with a stop off for a half at a nice country pub), going home and having Sunday dinner, bath, fresh pyjamas and fresh bedding, something we’d look forward to watching on tv that was light hearted. It sounds silly but I did find it really helped until I could fix my job situation!

The only other thing that helps me out when I’m stressed is running (and generally getting out in the fresh air as much as possible).

Hope things get better for you soon.