Shall I call her out or leave it?

[CallingOut]

NC

We had some friends over on Friday night for a few drinks.

We we’re talking about the kids and I had mentioned that I caught my 12 year old DS vaping last week. I was saying that I was so upset/angry with him, he got a massive telling off and a lecture never to do it again, etc.

Friend starts laughing and tells me that she knew a while ago that he’d obtained this vape as her DS and mine are good friends, and her DS had told her about it.

Now, we’re quite good friends. Do I ask her why on earth she didn’t tell me or do I leave it?

Its been on my mind all weekend, and I didn’t pull her up on Friday about it because we were in company.

thanks

Laughing at your distress over something that the majority of caring mums would be distressed by doesn't sound great IMO.

Presumably you two will not ever agree on the issue though. Yes ask why she didn't tell you. If her reply is something like "I knew you'd be like this about it", consider the friendship.

They're Y7, presumably?

I'd be pissed off that friend didn't say anything. I really don't think it's something to laugh about!

No that’s what I thought. Yes they’re year 7, it took me by surprise that she knew and said nothing.

Yes, I would call her out. The laughing is also out of order...is she always so nice?

Laughing is taking the piss...BUT as for not telling you there are some things I keep to myself as it would cause trouble between friends so maybe that's why she didn't tell you....obviously anything serious I wouldn't keep to myself but yeah her laughing isn't great.

My daughter has told me things her friends have told her in confidence that I haven't mentioned to her friends' parents for various reasons. So I kind of understand where she's coming from in not telling you, but then the decent thing would have been for her to act shocked and surprised about it, certainly not laughed about knowing and keeping it from you.

Well… it depends on how precious you are about your kids, I would have told you if I thought you would appreciate it and be discreet about it but most mums I know would have hit the roof, accused me of lying before landing my DS in big trouble for being a “snitch” or “telling tales”. So it is a bit of a minefield…

I think you should say you would have appreciated her respecting your friendship and letting you know. Then see what she says. She's condoning your DS's potential addiction to nicotine not to mention there isn't enough research to know what the lasting health effects of vaping are. Would she laugh if her own son did this?

The laughing is out of order, but depending on the circumstances I would potentially have not told a parent friend. And if I hadn’t told them and they’d have found out and come to me to chat about it, I’d certainly not have then blurted out that I knew all along. That’s just asking for trouble.
I tend to keep out of all of this stuff, I’d just draw a line and move on personally but only you know if you want to take this further.