The purpose of endless suffering

[Tabbouleh]

Our family has been in a very bad place for years. If I spelt out all the awful things that have happened, people literally would not believe me, so I won't.

I have lost all hope and purpose. I never had much faith in God to begin with, an now it's gone.. I keep looking at other happy families out in the parks and I wonder when we will ever get there.

If you have endured great suffering, and are not religious, what kept you going? I used to have a belief that every family got a limited amount of bad luck but now I have given up that comforting notion. Some families will go scot free, some will suffer endlessly.

I’m so sorry.
Life just simply isn’t fair.
’Some are born to endless night, and some are born to sweet delight’
I don’t know what to say to you. It isn’t fair and it’s really hard sometimes to accept that.

Big Christie fan and that line speaks to me from "Endless Night". Except the hero in that was a murderer! I feel like we are good people- we pay taxes, do charity, have socially responsible jobs- but just feel completely self-pitying at the moment.

How are you feeling @Tabbouleh
I think it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. Just not for too long!
It’s not you, it’s just the way it is.

There's no purpose to it. It's all random, pot luck. No rhyme nor reason. Nobody knows the purpose.

I find this in itself a comfort, in so much as we will never, ever have all the answers, and there is no purpose, therefore all we can do is keep going, take pleasure where ever we can and see the beauty of life and death and love. We have to see the beauty around us, find it in nature and in the love that people have. It's all we can do. Life is strange, pointless, cruel, fleeting and beautiful.

I used to wonder the same thing: what's the point of it all, why are we here, and why do some people endure so much and suffer more than others? Then I found a book that made so much sense to me and answered so many (all) of my questions, that I'll recommend you read it: Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. Seriously, it's a life-changing read.

I have been pondering this very thing today. I’m tired of life and the things that I’ve battled through and will have to battle through alone. I no longer see the point of prayer, and there are days I don’t see the point of my life or why I’m even here. I’ll have periods where I find the strength to pick myself up, accept things, and then another major episode. I’ve been through life being kind, gentle, and helpful. It just hasn’t paid off. Sorry for my self-pitying rant, but I know what you are feeling.

To answer your question, I suppose my son is keeping me going, but only just.

Take it one minute at a time. Just think about what you are doing now and next. Don’t think too far ahead or behind. Don’t think about the purpose of life at all.
At the end of the day try and find just one positive thing eg you saw a lovely flower, you smelt a heavenly rose etc.

Hello, I actually am speechless coming across this thread as I often wonder the same thing. Ever since I can remember, my family has been dogged with bad luck, chaos and unrest at random intervals over the past few decades. Not all bad and in some ways we've been fortunate but in general we've had a run of almost bizarre events and some downright tragic and sad. Too many and too involved to go into now. For example, my dad was bullied horrendously at school, I was too and now my ds is experiencing some low level bullying at school which I'm currently trying hard to sort out. There seems to be some weird sequence to events but I try not to think that too much. It's like I attract chaos and problems even though I try and live life being kind and honourable. I don't know what the answer is. Sorry for the ramble

@Shitscared123 feel the same! My child is the only joy in my life. Sorry I know this sounds dramatic and I don't mean it in an attention seeking way, it's just the truth. He gives me a purpose, a focus and meaning.
I feel like I'm on a never ending rollercoaster or hamster wheel and it's relentless.

I often wonder why life is so cruel to some, why people suffer and why there is often no justice. Animal cruelty is totally unbearable to me, can never understand why it occurs, breaks me 😪

What keeps me going is the knowledge that suffering is part of the human condition.

To expect to be "happy" is a modern concept.

I'm not sure I qualify as having experienced "great suffering" but I'll never give up on life. No matter how bad it gets it can always get better. I'll work towards that one bit at a time. And of course, now that I have kids, I'll work towards improving their happiness as well.

I think it's important to keep enjoying the good things in life, no matter how small. It can be something as simple as a glass of good wine or stopping to watch the sunset, or reading a good book.

I'm an atheist and I never found that to impact my motivation. I don't think there needs to be some greater purpose to life. I don't think it all balances out - though I do think you reap what you sow. If you're horrible to people they'll be less likely to help the day you're in trouble, this kind of things. But yes some people are luckier in life than others. It's not fair and there is no sense to it, it's just the way it is. You just have to make the best of what you have, good or bad. It's simple, though it can be very hard.

But you don't need a god to keep you going. You just need to want to live. If it's good, enjoy it. If it's bad, survive it until it gets better. Most often it's a mix of good and bad.

Do you ever get angry @Tabbouleh?

I am not religious. What has kept me going is that I am determined to build a good life for myself and my family and to not allow the direction of my life be solely dictated by circumstance. The alternative of just giving in and us all rotting away is just not an option for me.
When times have been really bad I have taken it one breath and one step at a time, having to take satisfaction and joy from the little things. I never ask myself the question 'will I get through this', I always ask myself 'how do I get through this'.
Even though I'm not religious I do believe that like attracts like. If you do good and surround yourself by good people, then in turn good things will happen.
But I guess it also depends on how you measure your success. I have struggled massively financially in the past (luckily not so much atm touch wood). However, money and material possession have never been my benchmark of success. I think a successful life is one when I put more out into the world than I take, be that a mental toll or materialistically. And one where I feel I do much more good than harm. But I'm also quite selfish and i eliminate toxic people from my life in the same way I would eliminate toxic habits like smoking or toxic products in my home. To give you a bit of a metaphor for how I live life - my job for example, is literally to identify contamination and to help clean it up.
I'm not perfect, I dont always get it right, but generally I have found since I've lived this way my life has only ever improved. I still have some very difficult issues in my life, like everyone. But I am now very happy with my life as it is filled with love and what I feel is generally goodness.
I hope you manage to find you're way.

.... also one thing to remember, which really helped me. You say you look at other happy families and wonder how they get there. Remember you are only viewing those people for a single moment in time, and in a place where they probably should be happy - the park. If you went and sat in a police station reception in a busy city, you would see a great deal of heart break and misery.

You dont know what these people have going on in their lives. That smile you see may be the only genuine smile they have all week or simply a mask, hiding how they feel underneath. They might be looking over at you and your family thinking the same - how happy you all look and how did you get there. I know someone who's life from the outside looks like an amazing success! People assume because they appear to have great jobs, a lovely big house and nice cars, they have it all. No one sees the sacrifices they make, working so hard at their jobs. And no one knows their personal difficulties, which they did not bring on themselves and are truly enough to break even the strongest of people.
It's all subjective and it's never what is seems from the outside looking in. You will never know what difficulties other are facing under those smiles.

My life has been so difficult I rarely talk about it. Not because it’s painful but because I am worried people will think I’m a liar.

As an indication of just how exceptionally cruel my Mother was she made my older Brother drown kittens in a bucket of water.the man was traumatised and was talking about it a lot not long before he died in his 60’s.

What gets me through is my DH, DS and friends.

Thanks for all the posts. So sorry for all those who are having or had hard times. I feel I must clarify that I am not envious of other people's wealth or big houses at all. I am not wealthy but am satisfied with what I have. It's other things that are not easily sortable and not in my control.