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Original poster

Dog being put to sleep - child present or not

23 replies

NoodleDoodleDo · 01/07/2022 05:54

We sadly need to have our wonderful dog put to sleep today. It's been very sudden. He was fine until three days ago.
Our nearly 9 year old son was present when we rushed him to the vets yesterday evening. He is aware the vets can't do anything and he was crying last night before he went to sleep.

We are wondering if we should allow our son to be present at the vets today or if it would be best not to? To send him to school to keep him occupied?

I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do for the best

OP posts:

Branster · 01/07/2022 06:10

I'm so so sorry you are going through this OP.
Having been in a similar situation, we agreed for DC to remain at home and wait for us. DC didn't feel comfortable coming to the vets for the procedure, which led the decision. We also suggested no school on that day but after a couple of hours they decided they wanted to go to school so they went in late. I think that helped in a way because they had friends for further support.
I actually went in to work too, late but still went because I couldn't bear not having the dog with me at home.
Although a traumatic experience, the process was peaceful but still marked us, the parents, in a significant way. So it might be a bit too much for a young child. Ours were similar ages at the time.
We had a long time of children crying and missing the dog and we supported each other.
One DC made a photo collage in a little frame that went in her room a few weeks later - it's still on the wall now! That helped a bit.

kittythames · 01/07/2022 06:14

I'm so sorry, it's absolutely the hardest thing. I have only been through this once and it was so so hard. I don't think DC should be there. It's awful enough to know it's happening without seeing it.

Cocoaone · 01/07/2022 06:15

I probably wouldn't tbh. We had our 16 year old cat PTS when our DD was 8. She wasn't in the room when it happened but had come to the vets with us and we took the cat away after to bury her. It was the hardest thing - DH was crying his eyes out! It's very difficult to see them 'here' one minute and lifeless and floppy the next. And I imagine hard for your son to leave your dog there too (assuming the vet is dealing with it)
Can you have a lovely goodbye cuddle session this morning before school? That will be DS last memory.
I'm sorry for your loss x

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dizzygirl1 · 01/07/2022 06:22

My dc are slightly older 12 and 15. We had to put our cat to sleep recently. Both of them asked to go to the vets, both of then were part of the decision making and both of them were stroking and kissing her when she passed.
They asked to be in, afterwards they said it was awful but they were so happy to have been able to be with her. They wouldn't have forgiven me if I had done it without them.

daretodenim · 01/07/2022 06:26

I think it depends on the child and your family's attitudes to death. There are possibly ways to do it too such as child isn't in the room for the injections but comes in afterwards to pat him while he's dying. It's a very peaceful sort of death so I'm not sure it would be traumatic after that. But it would be something that you're very comfortable talking about and very open about how sad it is - because it is. And the child himself is massively important - one of mine would definitely want to do that while the other probably not.

Having him at home and bringing Ddog home is also a good idea. If DS is to see him dead then it's not a bad idea that he sees him when he's still warm, at least a little bit. I remember touching Dcat when he was stone cold and it was strange.

Another option (if Ddog won't be coming home after) is that DS draws him a picture or writes him a letter that can go with Ddog. My DC did this when they were younger (Dcat - more recent cat - was PTS at home so body was there) and it was a good way for them to say all there goodbyes to him.

There's no wrong way really. And many more options that above, they're just expected I've had to give some ideas. Whatever you do it's horribly sad. Go with your gut.

I'm very sorry this is happening today.

Wotrewelookinat · 01/07/2022 06:30

So sorry to hear of your sad news. I’m a vet. I think this depends on your son really. Do you know the process of how euthanasia happens? Can you explain it gently to him so he can say whether he’d like to be there? I think the main thing is if he is going to present, he mustn’t have any surprises/shocks. Everything that might happen should be explained to him (hopefully by the vet). I’ve rarely had a child present for a euthanasia of your DS’s age, it’s usually teenagers who choose to be present. A lot of vets will now do a paw print in plaster afterwards, which might help.

catwithflowers · 01/07/2022 06:32

I had to have one of our cats put to sleep last year as she had been run over and was badly injured. I asked my adult son to come with me but owing to Covid regulations, only one person was allowed in the surgery at a time. Not sure if this is still the case.

I'm so sorry about your dog. I dread the day we have to do this with ours.

Minutepapillon · 01/07/2022 06:36

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It is hard. I would (and have) let the goodbyes happen at home together, then send your son to school. It depends on the child/you though, I suppose.

Akite · 01/07/2022 06:50

I wouldn't. I had my cat put to sleep years ago and it was a very traumatic process because they couldn't find a vein in her paw so injected into her heart instead (it was about 10 years ago, I think that was what they said). Sadly it wasn't the peaceful end you'd hope for and I found it really hideous to witness.

Suddha · 01/07/2022 06:56

Definitely do not have your child present. Your dog deserves a peaceful end with as little stress as possible. Ideally just adults present who can stroke him and speak in a calm comforting voice. A child is likely to get upset and start crying and wailing, which will stress the dog.

LovelyDaaling · 01/07/2022 07:14

Not present. I'd send him to school so his mind is taken off it.

Paq · 01/07/2022 07:29

Definitely not. It's too much for a child to witness.

ifonly4 · 01/07/2022 07:47

I was present at age 9 when we had to have three of our cats put to sleep. All had caught cat flu, on top of which my DF was in hospital fighting for his life. The vet (who we knew) was coming out twice a day to rehydrate and that decision but three couldn't be saved. With everything else going on, it was the least of my worries/stresses and I wouldn't have had it otherwise.

Not an easy day for any of you though. It won't be easy to see through today, but try and hold onto all those lovely memories you have of your dog.

CalistoNoSolo · 01/07/2022 08:09

Can the vet come to your house so ddog doesn't have the stress of going to the vets? It will be easier on everyone that way.

DinasCopUniform · 01/07/2022 08:13

I had to have my beloved boy pts last month. It's the first time I've had to do it, and I wouldn't have even taken my 16 year old ds tbh, although I did give him the choice. It's hard. I'm so sorry x

pumpkinpie01 · 01/07/2022 08:25

Our lovely dog had to be put to sleep in the first lockdown it was very sudden ( we didn't know she had incurable cancer ) our son was 6 at the time we didn't take him with us and I wouldn't take him now . So sorry for you x

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/07/2022 08:25

I wouldn’t have young children there. Dd2 of maybe 20 was there when our poor old dog was PTS at home. Dd was a rock at the time - better than me - but absolutely in bits right afterwards.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/07/2022 08:26

Meant to add, so sorry, OP. It’s a truly horrible time.

NamelessNancy · 01/07/2022 08:52

These sites have a lot of good information on pet bereavement and what to expect when a pet is euthanased. You might find the information in them helpful in making a decision. The first one (the Ralph site) was set up by a vet when he lost his own pet. It's very informative. The second is the blue cross site who have a lot of good bereavement support. I know they have a leaflet about talking to children about euthanasia so I expect that information is on the site too. Good luck with your decision..it's such a hard time.

www.theralphsite.com/

www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

Original poster

NoodleDoodleDo · 01/07/2022 13:55

Thanks everyone. My gut instinct was not to take him and most of you felt the same. He was fine going to school and I messaged his class teacher to let her know. She was lovely.

We couldn't wait to have a vet come to the house. It needed doing as soon as possible as he was continuing to have seizures last night and this morning. They had taken too much of him. It wasn't fair to wait. He was never anxious about the vets thankfully. He was too out of it to know this time anyway.

He's at peace now, my beloved furry friend. Me, well I'm a mess

OP posts:

balalake · 01/07/2022 15:34

Sorry to read of the loss of your dog and you did the right thing both for him and for your DS.

Scarlettpixie · 01/07/2022 15:51

So sorry for your loss Noodle.

Mariposista · 01/07/2022 16:06

dizzygirl1 · 01/07/2022 06:22

What lovely, mature DC you have. Losing a beloved pet is one of the hardest things you ever have to go through.

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