Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Step daughter and self harm.

8 replies

Scatterbrainbox · 30/06/2022 18:38

My lovely step daughter is 15. She is a very anxious girl (always has been), worries excessively about her grades, spends hours making sure she hasn't got a hair out of place. She's a lovely kind and empathetic girl.

Over the last year we have noticed some cuts on her arms and asked about it but she kept saying she had had random accidents. She has also been sating she hates school. She can't pinpoint why, she just basically describes it as completely overwhelming.

She began to have episodes where she would get completely overwhelmed and just shut down at school. OH and her mum (amicable coparents, 50/50 time with each) went to school and had a meeting with head of pastoral and DSD. She admitted that she had been cutting herself as it made her feel calmer. School put some support in place and made a camhs referral but she's still waiting to be seen. At home all sharps are out the way, we've all been giving her lots of TLC but she's so quiet, just a shadow of her usual self.

Tonight she has cut herself very badly and OH has taken her to A&E.

Does anyone who works in the field know what help might be given now things have gotten so bad? We're all so worried about her and none of us know what to do, the camhs waiting list is forever, she's escalating. I'm honestly so scared that the next call will be to say she's taken her own life.

OP posts:
AnImmenseDislikeOfPeople · 30/06/2022 19:39

I'm afraid I can't offer any help - my DSS is currently being let down by every service and now his mum won't let us see him - but didn't want to read and run.

You all sound like you're working together really well to provide a safe and stable environment. School gets really stressful at your SD's age and hopefully she'll soon be done and able to breathe again. Sending you all lots of love in a horrible situation xx

breathslowly7 · 30/06/2022 19:41

Sorry to hear this OP. Watching with interest as our DD has just started doing this too and feel overwhelmed

breathslowly7 · 30/06/2022 19:42

However I wouldn’t wait for CAHMS, our experience was worse than terrible.

AlwaysHopeful · 30/06/2022 20:10

So sorry to read this. My DD - 14 - was cutting herself for about 6 months starting in October last year. It's the most frightening thing... you have my sympathy.

CAMHS waiting lists are insane, unfortunately, so don't wait for them. Do school have a counselling service, or can you find a private service?

For you, these people may be able to offer you advice and support: https://www.youngminds.org.uk

For your daughter there are counsellors associated with this service https://www.kooth.com

Also, the best book I found was this one https://www.waterstones.com/book/you-dont-understand-me/dr-tara-porter

I hope this helps. A&E may also point you at resources. Our school's safeguarding team were great at offering anxiety reducing strategies for DD but she rejected them all because she didn't want to stand out as needing special attention. Now she'll have scars all over herself gif the rest of her life. It breaks my heart.

AlwaysHopeful · 01/07/2022 09:07

Also these people. I've no experience of using them because DD wouldn't engage but it seems worth a look to me.

Aluminaa – Alumina is a service provided by selfharm.co.uk_ enabling individuals to sign up to a 7-week course. Alumina groups are online support groups made up of 8 young people and 2 leaders and meet online once a week for 7 weeks. They offer a friendly, inclusive, non-judgemental space where they will offer support, tools and ideas helping to more people towards a life free from self-harm

Scatterbrainbox · 01/07/2022 15:07

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.
They patched her up and have made a (new?) Camhs referral.

I'm going to get her to look at that website today thank you.

I'm hoping the summer holidays will give her a bit of respite from the pressure at school.

OP posts:
Beamur · 01/07/2022 15:12

Can you afford private therapy too? My friends DD was in a similar position a couple of years ago. CAHMS offered weekly sessions and they paid for a 2nd.
CAHMS didn't advocate hiding sharps which was unexpected.
After several very difficult months, she's on the mend.

reluctantbrit · 01/07/2022 15:26

DD is in treatment now, anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm and she wasn't "bad enough" for CAHMS, their waiting list is insane. She was moved to councellors with a waiting list of 18 weeks then offered an online group session.

We moved her to a private psychologist, expensive but luckily my work's private health insurance gave us a block of sessions.
She is there now since beginning of May and we can see progress. School's pastoral support is also overwhelmed, she just had mocks and the demand for quite rooms and extra time has increased by 500%!

Maybe with the hospital appointment she can access CAHMS easier but I would see if you could access private treatment.

Big hugs, it's hard not only seeing them suffering and it also causes stress for the family which again makes DD feel guilty for feeling anxious.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread