Living alone

[BiscoffSundae]

Generally I see threads on here from people that love living alone but does anyone else get anxious living alone? I have lived alone since I left home at 16 so should be use to it really (as in only adult in the house) but I still feel quite anxious about it especially in the evenings, like tonight I had a knock on the door at 10.30pm obviously wasn’t expecting anyone at this time so I didn’t answer and came upstairs, the knock woke my son up who said it looked like a deliveroo driver obviously I did not order anything, I know realistically it was just the wrong door but it still made me paranoid as he didn’t look lost or try any other doors. How do you stop yourself feeling anxious when living alone? (If you do...)

I don’t live alone yet but that day is fast approaching, and the other week I was alone for the first time in I can’t remember how long. I was a bit anxious the first couple of nights but then I got used to it.

How old is your son? How is your house security? Do you have a ring doorbell? I have a lock on my bedroom door and I always keep my mobile close to hand.

First of all, and I mean this gently, you don't live alone, you live with your son. This doesn't automatically allay your anxiety, of course.

Are you satisfied your house is secure? Can you see who's at the door? Like you, I wouldn't answer the door at 10.30.p.m. but then any visitor would set off the motion sensor garden lights so I would see them. Then they'd set off my large bark dog who'd go bonkers.

I know anxious feelings like this are not automatically soothed by practical interventions, but it's good place to start. I've lived alone for six years since my DH died and immediately after, was overwhelmed by fears of intruders and general security. I took practical measure with locking side gates and very strong fly screen doors, and let much better.

Good luck.

Felt, not let.

That’s why I said single adult, living with children doesn’t make you feel more safe, just to clarify I did make it clear as in being the only adult

My son is a child, no ring door bell but going to look into it

I have read your post a couple of times and you didn’t! Your won’t live alone. Repeating that might calm some of your anxiety if you are fixated on it.

but back to the actual issue. I live alone - properly alone, no other person in the house. There is cat. Y no

I felt anxious about it at the start. It only lasted a few weeks.

a deliveroo driver rang my doorbell at 4am a few weeks ago - I looked out the window, saw who it was, opened the door explained he had the wrong house. Easy.

but it’s also ok not to open the door.

what exactly is it you are concerned about? Is it a break in? Chances are very low but if you are worried up your home security.

is it having no one else in an emergency? Make sure your smoke alarms always have batteries, sort your escape routes. Have a fully stocked first aid kit. Do your have family and friends close by?

I used to leave Radio 4 on very low, plus I have a timer for a small lamp in the hallway to come on and off. I would sometimes leave lights on all day so I wouldn’t come home to a dark house either.

Yes, do this. Then you can see who is there and speak to them before opening the door if unsure.

Also, security cameras. You can set up a fairly inexpensive system all around your house using Ring equipment.

I live alone with my children, as in the only adult in the house. I don't feel scared. Also, do you know your neighbours? If I had a bad problem I could call neighbours who would come to help.

Not very good at reading then are you if you read it a few time’s and couldn’t see I have lived alone since I left home at 16 so should be use to it really (as in only adult in the house) only adult in the house, it’s literally the 4th line.

No I’m not Friendly with my neighbours it’s not really that kind of street everyone keeps to themselves

I live alone with just my dog. If anything I’m too casual about security!

My biggest issue is dealing with any problem neighbours and street politics by myself. I’m likely on the spectrum so personal interactions aren’t my strong point.

Okay I apologise.

I dope you are able to make some friends in your neighbourhood.

I live alone - apart from three cats - and no, I don't get anxious about it at all.

I do occasionally react with ohhhh to hearing anything unexpected but can usually 'self-settle' myself again afterwards. Sometimes have to consciously breathe out again to stop myself holding my breath.

My biggest concession to being the only one around us to answer any unexpected rings at the door from the upstairs window above the door.

It's never anything interesting but I can't quite bring myself to ignore it.

This might sound callous but I realised not long after I first started living by myself that my house doesn't have to be impossible to break into, it just has to be harder than the neighbours'! After that I felt a lot safer because I realised that even just things like the unruly bushes in front of the windows would probably be enough to deter would-be burglars from choosing my house, even though they wouldn't be much of a physical barrier to someone who was determined to get in.

Ive lived alone except for dogs for 10years. Ive got a footpath running at the back of my house but actually I dont think about it! I think I have massive misplaced confidence in dog deterrent 🙄

I would love a dog but know they are a big commitment so wouldn’t be fair on it really but it would definitely make me feel safer, I guess a lot of it is my area it’s quite a rough part of south London and there are often break ins or warnings of dodgy people coming round to doors so don’t feel that safe and not having the back up if someone tries to break in

I live alone with 5 cats. House is alarmed at night. I never answer the door if I don't know who it is ( not anxiety related, just CBA )
Thinking of getting a Ring door bell
I've lived alone for at least 30 years. I wouldn't have it any other way

It used to be a huge source of anxiety to me, and I don’t know why as I lived alone for a long time. Probably too big a fan of real crime. I still get jittery now (although I have a son, but that adds to any lingering worries as in the event of an intruder I’d have to save him first!)

I don't get anxious, but have a number of things I do especially in checking keys in pocket at all times, more checking that things are turned off, which I'm sure I would do less of if I lived with others.