What does someone mean if they describe you as 'striking'

[surlycurly]

As per the thread title, close to me someone regularly describes me as 'striking'. Unfortunately it doesn't feel like a compliment. I'm on holiday at the moment and was commenting to them about the cultural differences re catcalls beeping horns etc, when they said well 'I suppose you're quite striking. And Italians are boobs men and you have big boobs. It's probably that'. To be honest, I've never heard that kind of stereotypical crap before, and I'm not a teenager who needs to get compliments from random men. It's just that this person regularly describes me as 'striking' rather than attractive. Are the two synonymous to you?

I’ve been described as striking multiple times. I don’t ascribe any value judgement about whether it’s a positive or a negative.

Surely it just means ‘memorable in some way?’

Possibly related — people sometimes seem to have a hard time determining my ethnicity.

Think Frida Khalo. On a picket line.

I find AngeIina to have a weird, creepy glare and don't find her striking. Each to their own I guess.

Not that I matters but I am travelling alone, and the person I was speaking to was my mum. I told her I loved it here but I'm glad I didn't come here when I was younger as I was taken aback at how much attention I was receiving and it wasn't particularly positive. I also said that I wouldn't want my daughter to come here alone. That's the context of the conversation.

Not to drip feed (as I had wanted to keep some semblance of anonymity about the post), unfortunately my mum has spent my whole life making comments about my appearance. Her comments do not surprise me and she uses 'striking' about me as a negative. She needs constant compliments about her own appearance actually and I do feel that's she has her own insecurities that she spreads around. And again, not that it matters, I do not have an overly inflated ego; I'm autistic and will tell you information that's relevant, not because I'm cunningly compliment hunting on MN. How I look is pretty straightforward- I am not insecure about it because I see it as factual. I'm a chubbier, older version of the good looking woman I once was. Any other opinions to be had about that are just that, opinions. I'm not going to buy in to the false modesty bollocks that some people have, nor am I going to tell you I'm a stunner. I'm just me. I do carry myself with confidence because I am confident in who and what I am.

Well now, family therapy aside, thanks for the helpful feedback. I didn't like the nuances of the language she used but I appreciate opinions/ examples.

It might have been relevant to mention all that in the op. If you already know your mum uses that word as a negative about you that’s obviously relevant context to asking what she meant by it.

I didn't want my own perspective on it to skew opinions. I just wanted to know if people felt that 'striking', objectively, was a compliment or not.

I am 5'11" with one red hair and when younger got this allll the time. I realised over time that it is meant as a compliment but at first reacted like you.

long red hair, not one red hair - that would be striking!

Ha! @NeedASolution that would indeed be striking.

Objectively it’s probably a compliment. But from someone who uses it as a criticism and regularly criticises your appearance it’s obviously not a compliment.

Do you ever say anything? You know like ‘mum why do you say these things? You know it would hurt your feelings if someone criticised your looks so please stop doing it to me.’

As everybody else has said, not conventionally pretty, I've always thought that Barbara Streisand and Jennifer Aniston look quite alike! except Jennifer is more conventionally pretty and Barbara is striking.

I would say actresses like tilda swinton and Gwendoline Christie are striking. They stand out, they catch your eye. Attractive but not conventionally so. I'd take it as a compliment.

She's a complicated woman. I understand where a lot of it has come from (in her past) so I am forgiving of most of foibles and so I choose what I argue over. And I would argue with her. She has no capacity for criticism. And I genuinely felt that she had been using this a negative for all these years, what's the point in calling it out now? Were I to confront her, she'd state that she was giving me a compliment, and make me the bad person for seeing the worst in her. Pointless waste of time.

I've quite sharp features- think Meryl Streep/Angelica Houston- and have been called striking.

Not conventionally beautiful. I think Angelica Houston.

@surlycurly
Anything could be used both as a positive compliment and as a negative put down through context and how it is given.

As has been mentioned a couple of times there could be underlying issues or jealousy that are masked by a ‘compliment’

On ‘striking’, to me it describes the unknown element that is going to make me look again, or that makes someone stand out and memorable.

To me it’s not the classically beautiful, or not necessarily the perfect but could be just one thing or the combination or small elements, it could be the single imperfection that pushes the rest off the scale.
It could be a feature or nothing tangible - a smile or an expression

Anjelica Huston is a spot-on example!

I just wanted to know if people felt that 'striking', objectively, was a compliment or not.

Definitely a compliment. And I can't see how she meant it as a criticism. You're getting attention because you look good.
Never look a gift horse in the mouth, just say, "thank you mother, I am pretty gorgeous." 😊

Is this my Mum?

I remember asking my Mum when I was aged about 9/10 if I was pretty.
She told me I wasn't but I was attractive then went on to list my friends who were pretty.

It has had a huge impact on how I see myself.

I've always thought it was a compliment, attractive in an unusual way rather than typically pretty

I get told I’m ‘striking’ all the time, always have done. I turn heads. I’m loud and extremely tall. People notice me. I’ve always taken it as a compliment.

I am mixed race and born in the 50s . There were not many people who looked like me when I was young . I was often called striking . I took it as a compliment.

I can only join the chorus saying that as a rule, striking is a compliment - something about your looks that means people always look again/notice and remember you.

I can see how someone could spin it as a backhanded compliment though - because it's being used to suggest that you're not classically pretty, and if you're the type of person for whom fitting in is important, rather than standing out, then it could be seen as negative.

My dad said this to me once after (now I'm older, creepily!) going on about how amazing my best friend was....I was 19, she was 25 at the time....
I didn't take kindly to it!