Help me with a plan?

[PenBrush]

I shall only make this one post in this name because it's completely outing, but I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and need some help.

DH died a year ago tomorrow, I've been "OK" but up and down. My boss has given me the day as compassionate leave without me asking 🙂

All last week I had Covid. I was really quite ill, mentally and physically. It was as if everything shut down. I wfh yesterday and was off today anyway. The main covid symptoms are gone but I am absolutely completely exhausted

19yo Ds2 is suffering badly with depression following his father's death. I think I've actually found that harder to deal with than my own grief. I was at the GP with him yesterday and some cock up with the prescription which was promised yesterday means I have now spent a total of 2.5 hours helping him trying to get the tablets. The GP receptionist has finally told me they'll "try" and get the prescription issued today. I may have had something of a melt down. Why are the people whose job it isn't to help people in tough circumstances so determined to make life harder?

With DS2 I'm trying really hard to support him, but a symptom of his illness seems to be lying about ridiculous things. E.g did you send your certificate to work?. He'll swear blind that the did, when he didn't. Lying hurts me, it's one of my things

The house and garden are an absolute tip because I've been so ill. DS2 has tried a bit but he's not doing great either. E.g he didn't have a shower for the days I was too ill to think about making him. Ds1 and his GF are due to stay tonight.

I'm due back at work in Friday and atm I can't get off the sofa.

I know if I just start somewhere, I'll feel better, but where?.

Stay on the sofa! Sounds like you’re wrung out and need the rest. Inspiration and energy will come when you’re ready.

DS2 sounds old enough to learn the consequences of not handing in a certificate and not having a shower. (I say that as someone who has mostly recovered from depression). Can you let go of some worry and control there and just let yourself rest?

from a fellow widow! It’s tough. Go easy on yourself.

Support should go both ways - as older teens your children should be supporting you too. Rota for cooking, cleaning, gardening so you all pitch in. DS2 can sort himself out for the forseeable, if he suffers consequences from his lying it may help him to stop. Mainly, concentrate on yourself right now, you sound totally done in. DS1 can tidy the house when he gets in. Takeaway tonight if you can and ask for sine compassionate leave so you can start getting back on an even keel x

If you can, get Friday off work, compassionate leave or annual leave or sick leave. Stay on the sofa and don't even try to do anything before Monday. We'll done for chasing so hard for ds2s medication, but don't stress about no showers or anything else right now. You have the anniversary tomorrow, but you also have the effects of covid. Go easy on yourself.

Aw DS1 has just arrived home from work with a smoked salmon bagel and coffee for me and a chocolate brownie for his brother. I might have burst into tears

We had a chat. He's told me GF won't care about the house, but he's gone to clean the bathroom anyway and DS2 is getting the hoover out 🙂

I'm going to help DS2 ring the work helpline he can access counselling through. He's been resistant up to now, but showing signs he's a bit more open to it today.

Huge congratulations 🎉 on making it through year 1 OP. It's the worst. I'm 8 years in, two kids.

You're doing so well. Keep going, life will be good again I promise. For me, things got so much easier after the first 15 months or so.