What does 'time to yourself' look like for you?

[OhThePossibilities]

How do you get time to yourself? What sort of things do you do?

I've got a baby, toddler with Sen and I'm a teacher. Day to day life is so full on and I'm experiencing some burn out at the moment. Due to my son's sen behavioural issues, he needs a lot of adult attention which makes it very hard for me to leave both children with DH until they're both asleep and sometimes that won't be until 9/9.30pm. Inlaws aren't local and my mum helps when I'm working now and again so that's enough. They have their own lives.

So finding time for me is really difficult but I feel like it's needed. Do I just accept that it just won't be possible at this point in life? How do other people do it?

I’m a lone parent, no ex around. I work 4 days a week so have the 5th day to myself while my son is at school in term times. For me it’s just important to have responsibility-free time where I can do whatever I feel like on the spur of the moment.

If I had a partner like you do I would have an afternoon or evening to myself out of the house once a week so I didn’t get dragged into bedtime routines. Same for your partner, he needs that time too. If neither of you can cope with the children on your own that’s a big problem and I don’t know what you’d do then. Presumably you have to be able to do a grocery shop, doctors appointment etc while one of you looks after the kids? So why is having time to yourself any different? I think for a lot of people it’s about prioritising it and believing that your emotional needs for rest, freedom etc are just as important as any physical needs. As you say, without it, you burn out.

You're absolutely right. A big problem in this is my son's adhd. We do look after both children on our own but it's very difficult, especially in the evening when it's all hands on deck.

Reading, sewing, gardening. Things that are purely for me.

Not having to factor in others in my time. Not worrying about getting tea or picking up children, shopping or appointments.

Just time for my head to switch off for a while.

Me time here is a undisturbed 'relaxing' bath, or 10 minutes to sit in the garden and have a cuppa when DP gets home and can sit with the kids in that time between then and dinner. I have two toddlers and its very,very hard to shoe horn in 'me time' regularly. I definitely feel you with the burn out comment.

Gardening.. Seriously good for your mh. Even a few pots and some basic stuff.

I felt a warm glow admiring my home grown peas last night!!
In time maybe your dc could get involved op?
*have def never chatted to my tomato plants...
😆

It's so important but for me it means working from home and not being the main breadwinner. It means I can have time to myself and I prioritise this in life because it means I can also be the best mother I can be. I can prioritise my child because I prioritise myself.

Sometimes I feel like my 'me time' is when I take 20 mins out at work to have lunch in the staff room where I don't have to think about feeding another little human being, just me 🙈😂 That doesn't sound like great me time though, at work 😂

I work full-time and gave a 4yo and a 2yo, I've also been feeling burnt out lately. Today I took a day of annual leave with DH at work and kids at nursery. Pottered around the house with a coffee, got the train into town and did a bit of shopping, had lunch in my favourite cafe with a glass of wine and now on the train home with a coffee. Lovely.

It's not something I can do every week but I think I'll try do it a few times a year as true time off alone is rare. Obviously since you're a teacher annual leave won't work, but could they go to their usual childcare for a few days in the holidays?

Oh I totally feel you on the work as me time thing!

It strikes me that your evenings must be very draining. Neither of ours have SN but it's similar here. I understand what you mean about all hands on deck. Hopefully in time when your youngest gets a bit older it'll be more manageable solo and you can each take an evening a week fully off.

Going to tesco without the dcs

After dropping the Dcs off at school I have a 40 minute drive to work (when working in the office). I listen to the radio and audio books.

I mostly wfh now and really miss this.

Sometimes I manage to get to the cinema on my own. I love that.

Only when you're actually, physically asleep, but that can be interrupted any time. Sorry.

When my children were around that age I used to go a pottery class and a belly dancing class while working FT. DH used to just deal with them. DH likes to run so would just pop out whenever plus he has a rowing machine at home. I did have a cleaner and I had a rotating food shop so just clicked the button once a week for delivery. I have never ironed anything plus I have always been perfectly ok saying no to anything I didn’t want to do. Classes were within walking distance at a community college sort of place.

@SummerLobelia I totally get this with listening to the radio and audio books, or sometimes I listen to my Spotify playlists. I do that too on the eat to work. It's just a little bit of uninterrupted escapism.

Housework usually!

I feel for you OP. Even if I get an afternoon to myself, I feel guilty for not cleaning/ cooking etc or I get that tight, anxious feeling as I don’t know what mood my DD will be in when I collect her (also has SEN)?”

I'm a single parent with no support and I work a people job. I never have a minute alone when someone doesn't need something from me, and it's draining. DC are teens now so they hide in their rooms late evening, so I tend to just sit in silence, not thinking 🤣 then try not to be horrible if they appear wanting drinks and snacks within ten minutes!