When did you last get an invite?

[NoInvitesEver]

Feeling a bit delicate today as our situation has been dawning on me over recent weeks.
When did friends last invite you to do something? I am really feeling a total lack of invites ever. I love having friends and put in effort but nada in return.
There's me, DH, DD15 and DS14. I think I'm feeling it as the DC are more independent (which is great) but it's highlighting our own lack of social life.
Recent examples

• long term friends, we all have a great time when we get together, and the DC all get on brilliantly, but the friends make zero effort. They come to ours regularly but on recent occasion when we didn't proffer invite after they said we were overdue for get together they invited us to theirs (a perfectly nice house from the rare times we've see. It). Awesome. Day before they messaged to say could we get a takeaway and do it at ours as they haven't had time to sort anything out! We agreed because we were all looking forward to it.
• same friends, since the above, we sent 2 messages 2 weeks ago suggesting we do a couple of things (shared interest). No reply. At all. No acknowledgment. I'm certain if we'd invited them to ours they'd come. They suggest holidays together but I end up organising. They make effort with others as far as I can see.
• various other friends we invite for BBQs or drinks. They all come (not at same time). Never reciprocated.
• other friends who just seem to use me. My job knowledge is useful to some - so I have an ex colleague who calls me constantly for advice which I give happily but makes no effort to meet up and rarely returns my calls if I want to discuss something. I have stopped answering her calls now.
• another friend invited self over at weekend but turned out to want my knowledge for a personal situation.
• for 3 years we've organised weekend exclusive use camping for a large and varying group of friends. Hard work to organise, collect money, etc. Everyone eager to come and badgering me to organise again. But these people include all the above and others. No reciprocation or suggestion to get together from any of them in between.

I feel exhausted by being the only one who puts in effort. I work and am no less busy than anyone. Our house isn't better or grander. If I don't organise we wouldn't get to do anything with anyone other than us 4. I genuinely can't remember the last time someone messaged to say "Hey, do you fancy doing xyz" We're determined to stop this cycle - it's exhausting (mentally not to mention tidying before visitors) and expensive to always be the hosts so we are not inviting people now. But a long lonely summer stretches ahead. We have each other but there's only so much time teenage DC want to spend with us. We have stuff booked for us - trip to London, theatre, holiday but doubt we'll see any friends at all. We're social people without a social group! Is it us?

It's not you no. I was in your situation a few years ago and took a step back to let other people do the organising but of course they didn't.

I guess for some people, they would prefer not to socialise than to have to organise that social lives for themselves.

Could you just join an organised group with a shared intererest?

I've recently had a baby OP and the lack of invites since I was pregnant/had my baby has been non existent. I got quite upset about it post partum. So much so, that I've actually cut a friend off as a result. They where a very close friend however when I fell pregnant he wasn't around. Met him once for dinner after I had my DD and it's been 4 months since and he's never met her, and didn't turn up to the baptism. But came to the conclusion that I'm happy with a few close friends who I see now and again, and happy with my partner who is my best friend and we do everything together. I did speak to my close friends about how I was feeling and they have since made more of an effort. X

Thank you for the replies. I do wonder if I feel down about it because I'm getting a pre-empty nest syndrome! As a family we do have good times but sometimes we like to be social too.
We did in fact raise it once with the long term friends but they were very defensive - lots of "we're so busy" or "we're disorganised " etc. None of that explains why last 2 messages (and many before) go unacknowledged. It takes seconds to do a quick reply.
We certainly do need different friends I think, but I just feel like it'll all happen again. I am thinking about what I can join to perhaps meet new people. I'm not very good at the shared interest though (and I won't improve)!

It sounds to me like they all know you are brilliant at organising so are quite happy to come along when something is organised for them but lack the imagination/effort to organise things themselves . Do the friends have you get children than you ?

Most of our friends do have children, yes. Some because we met the friends through school or through the children's hobbies, and some by coincidence when we've met them through shared interest or known them for many years.

Some people are the organisers, some people just aren’t, if that’s someone’s personality than that’s just them 🤷🏻‍♀️

@NoInvitesEver my last sentence should have said do they have younger children ? Just thinking if their children are younger than yours then they probably have less free time or things take more organising so they just wait until something is organised for them . I feel like that sometimes , I'm
an organiser but it is nice to have a break from that and be organised and invited sometimes!

Ah sorry, no, our DC are 14 and 15. Youngest DC friends have is 13 I think, so not much difference. Others are roughly same as ours.
But yes, I'd just love someone to ask US to do something for once.

Was February last year, for an activity/day out we usually do once or twice a year. Nothing. Happily came to my bday and bbqs that dh organised though.

Another yearly event is this Saturday, heard not a peep, not that I'll actually be in the country but they don't know that funnily enough. Sure I'll hear from them quick enough when they need a favour.

Guess I don't have any friends anymore.

I think the middle years of life with work and children are just really busy and so socialising is something lots of people don't get round to organising. The pandemic hasn't helped. I still see my family (all live far away so a bit of an effort and usually organised by me) but e.g. I've not had a night out with one of my friends since January, we said about a month ago we should do something but still haven't organised anything and reading this thread I remembered I need to.

I feel like I'm in a very similar situation! Always the inviter never the invitee! We recently moved abroad and have been making the effort making acquaintances and trying to build friendships we've had people round for dinner and no reciprocations! They are always very pleased to be invited and happy to see us and have even said we must have you over for dinner and then nothing! I know people are busy and know life gets in the way but it's painful!

Since covid, a lot more people are just cocooning at home and seem to avoid home visits. Maybe some kind of residual continuation of covid rules, and maybe it's because they spend more time at home during the week? I'd suggest rather than taking the load in your personal space, just suggest meeting somewhere neutral next time and see how that goes.

Hmmm. I don't know about other people, but I have just really fallen out of the habit of having people over. I used to do it regularly but it is quite a lot of work. My husband works 7 days a week so everything falls to me, planning, cooking, house, garden, drinks, snacks etc...and I work full time with a long commute and just don't seem to have the capacity for the added stress at the moment.

I did (via WhatsApp) suggest 2 meet ups to same friends in a neutral place. That was 2 weeks ago. Message read by both the DW and DH - neither replied or acknowledged it. They're always keen if we invite them here though.

Sorry, who's deez nuts?

Sorry to hear that @swedex It's rubbish isn't it! I also feel we put the effort into having a social life but if we didn't, we'd never hear from the people again.
I know Covid affected behaviour but why then not respond to messages. I'm accepting we're not that valued as friends if people can't even reply yet are happy to come over if we host.