If you think your child isn't capable of being a bully....

[warofthemonstertrucks]

...but you have been called to school several times because there are concerns they have been unpleasant to other kids-please think about your reactions.

No one wants to think their child is capable of it, but on balance of probability, the school isn't just making it up for no reason.

If you ask for evidence and there isn't much, because it's all been done over snap chat, or it's been very subtle-still maybe try to think-is it possible? Do I need to check what's going on with my kid?

I've just this morning dropped DD15 off at a new school. We have had to change in the middle of her GCSE years, because two girls in her year at the previous school have systematically bullied everyone in her group-but seemed to reserve extra nastiness for her. School were well aware and have tried lots of times and via different methods to stop it-but it's subtle and covert and when their parents have been called-several times-about several different victims-their answers have always been 'not my daughter', 'where's the evidence'...

Two girls in the groups have taken over doses as a result of their behaviour. One of them was my previously very happy Dd.

I can't say anything to the girls. Or their parents. And god knows teenage girls can be vile to each other and I absolutely include my own two daughters in that. I'm well aware they aren't perfect and I pull them up when I think their behaviour is not right. They are under all sorts of pressure that we never had growing up. I get it. But if parents aren't aware or refuse to accept that their kid might not be quite as perfect as they think they are-even when they've been informed several times-then what chance do they have to alter their behaviour.

I'm a bit emotional this morning, having just watched her nervously walk in to a new school where she knows no one, with her self confidence shattered and worried that this might end up being even worse, because who knows? And I'm venting a bit...because it just seems unfair that she had to move when the girls who took it upon themselves to be awful to her, whilst calling themselves her friends, have got away with it- and I'm so disappointed in their parents who have steadfastly refused to consider what might be going on.

Your poor daughter, I was bullied very subtlety by a girl in our group at that age and it still impacts me. But it sounds like your daughter is able to be open with you and have you support her. I wish you both all the best.

I'm so sorry. I really hope your daughter enjoys her new school. My 10 year old daughter is getting bullied at the moment. This same girl has,since nursery bullied a few girls. Numerous parents Inc me have spoken to the teachers but the bully's mum seems to think it's everyone else who has the problem and it's a vendetta against her daughter. 🙄🙄🙄

Yep that was the response school got from one of the two girls mums the first time she was called- head of year probably shouldn't have told me that but I think she herself was near the end of her tether as she says they spend more time in Pastoral team dealing with the Fallout from these two's behaviour than every other student in the year combined!

I get that it's awful to think your child isn't being nice, but once you've been called multiple times, and kids are so distressed they are trying to kill themselves and having to leave school wouldn't the penny slightly start to drop?

@warofthemonstertrucks 💐, DD14 moved last year, the school knew the girls were bullies, doing very little about it, their parents thought I overreacted by removing DD. I remember watching her go in to her new school, full of nerves, within a couple of days she had settled in, it was a very positive move. Thinking of you and your DD, you have done the best thing, the bullies at my DD’s old school went on to physically attacking and I’m so pleased we got her out.

My child's bully was the victim of harassment by a bunch of vile, nasty mums apparently. Nothing to do with the fact that her little darling was so rotten that he was affecting multiple children and all the parents were having to go in to school regularly to try and get something done. Definitely a product of his upbringing rather than SEN too. He was heavily indulged and his mum would do things like take toys from other playgroup kids to hand to her boy, going so far once as to physically lift a playing toddler off a red car and deposit him crying on the floor so her child could have THAT red car and not the identical, empty one nearby.

She would stand by smiling at her high spirited boy's 'antics' as he shoved babies to the hard floor repeatedly to make them cry until their mum's had to take them away to keep them safe when they realised shitmum wasn't going to try and stop her son.

OP, bully's mums and dads create the bullies so will never acknowledge that there's something wrong with their kid. It's awful but parents who actually give a fuck, don't raise bullies in the first place, or are attentive and intelligent enough to recognise negative behaviours and do something about it at the first instance of it. I hope your DD enjoys her new school.

I’m so sorry for your DD Op.

My DC with SEN was bullied like this in his primary. Subtle ways and then when he reacted he would get in trouble and no one would believe him as the bullies were so much more articulate than him. It also happened to other children in the class. Parents similarly not interested/disbelieving. Took school very long time to notice it as well.

school’s solution was for DC to move to the other class. Very very traumatic for DC ( although in the long term it has worked out for the best).

It was very hard even for me as a parent as so difficult to get any ‘evidence’. If DC had been younger I’d have moved schools. As it is can’t wait for end of year 6.

i hope this is a fresh start for your DD and she manages to get comfortable in her new school
as quickly as possible.

Sounds like my sister and nephew. She’s fell out with me because I don’t want my son to play with hers anymore due to my nephews bullying. I’d given her time to address it herself but she never did. She thinks I’m being dramatic. All previous complaining parents from his school have been called something else; weird, a slag, busybody… like any of that is relevant. So yeah, it’s always someone else who’s in the wrong. Never her precious son. I hope your daughter settles at her new school and doesn’t encounter anymore twats

I’m so sorry your DD has had to go through this.

My DD has not been bullied as such but one girl in her class has consistently caused trouble on and off for years to the detriment of my daughter at times. We have now distanced ourselves from them because they are the parents you describe - do not think their children are capable of doing any wrong, don’t hold their children responsible for anything. We’ve had enough.

Every child is capable of getting it wrong in social situations and of bullying behaviours.