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Tell my head to sort itself out!

7 replies

SuperTea · 29/06/2022 08:51

I'm widowed and happily single. If opportunity comes I'm happy to have a date, but I'm not looking and I certainly don't want to "settle down" again.

I know a man, divorced for c. 8 years and makes no secret of the fact that he is not happily single. To my knowledge he's had 3 "serious" relationships in that time and done a lot of searching.

He's nice enough, but a bit dull. Comes across as a bit moany and miserable, can't often see the good in things. If I bump into him in, say Tesco, we'll chat for a few minutes, but it's awkward, nothing flows. It feels a bit like a business networking thing (which I hate) where I don't particularly want to talk to the person but it's my job to make an effort! Occasionally we'll message about something in the news or the football, but it's very bland impersonal messages and no long threads.

On the plus, he has a good group of varied friends (m&f) who all seem to think a lot of him, despite him not being the life and soul, he's moderately good looking and takes care of himself, in good shape for a man about to turn 50. Solvent and intelligent.

But he's not for me, there's nothing "there" and I don't want what he wants anyway.

So why is he always on my mind?!

OP posts:
hamstersarse · 29/06/2022 08:55

Maybe you aren’t ‘’happily single’ after all

I’ve been ‘happily single’ and it took me a while to fully admit I’d actually prefer a partner and life is better shared

Sorry for your loss, the pain of that loss is enough to put anyone off committing to a partnership for sure.

SuperTea · 29/06/2022 09:17

Even if that were the case, I wouldn't want old misery guts 😆

OP posts:
JuneJubilee · 29/06/2022 09:22

It's weird isn't it.

I'd seriously advise you to stay away from him!!! Don't 'see where it goes' or 'just one date' or anything!!

Maybe part of your head thinks YOU could make him happy then he'd be a better prospect.

fuck knows what sometimes causes a strange attraction to someone when the other 99% of us is screaming...NOOOOO...

All I know, is it's FAR better to just STAY AWAY!!

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Whereswallywonka · 29/06/2022 09:56

Sounds like Act 1 in a Romcom!

SuperTea · 29/06/2022 10:27

Oh dear . How does it end? 😆

OP posts:
hamstersarse · 29/06/2022 10:44

SuperTea · 29/06/2022 09:17

Even if that were the case, I wouldn't want old misery guts 😆

Yes, he's not for you

But maybe he's firing up your desire for some sort of action Wink

sleepymum50 · 29/06/2022 11:15

Maybe @hamstersarse is right that he’s firing up a desire that you didn’t know is there.

There are so many posts where a husband has strayed, and it all started with him receiving attention outside the marriage. It will always be an ego boost.

I think there’s a thing called the Halo Effect, where you think better of people if you know they like you. In your case your head is firmly fixed in place, and it’s not working.

Or alternatively, knowing he likes you and wants to take it further, makes you feel guilty, because you are denying him the potential for a happier life. But it’s not your responsibility to worry about a virtual stranger.

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