Weird message from acquaintance following the Landmark Forum - anyone got any clue what it’s about?!

[TheBoogie]

I used to work with a woman in my early 20s for a few years and am still very loosely in touch with her on a group chat of ex-colleagues. She was pleasant enough but is one of life’s people who always has things happen to her - you know if you have a headache, she has a migraine, that type of person. I don’t think she’s actually asked after me in about 10 years but any message received from her is always on send, talking about her but rarely asking after others. For this reason I wouldn’t really classify her as a friend but someone to keep at arm’s length as an acquaintance.

Over the weekend I had the oddest message from her which says that she’s been on this “personal improvement journey” at the Landmark forum and as a result has been reflecting on her life and needs to tell me that she has always been jealous of me to the point where she’s made several huge life decisions to try and compete with me. I should say, I have a very nice if quite unremarkable life, so it seems totally random that I’ve been plucked out of obscurity and am in any way to blame for things like her quitting her job and breaking up with her husband (seriously!!) in pursuit of a life that could “compete with” mine. The message was half complimentary but I feel like it’s slightly passive aggressive to basically blame someone who you actually don’t know that well for your life decisions.

She goes on to say that this has been weighing heavily on her mind and in order to free her mind and open her heart and nurture our relationship going forward she had to tell me this and hopes it will build our friendship forever more blah blah. Obviously if she was actually trying to do this she might ask me how I am generally but no, it’s a load of self serving waffle.

ive not replied and doubt I will, seems like a totally nuts thing to say to someone who you have a pretty dead friendship with and this is the final nail

i have googled the landmark forum and it almost looks like a brain washing cult thing. Has anyone heard of it? Has anyone been on the receiving end of something so nuts?!

I'd block someone who sent me messages like that. Life's too short. Dodge the drama!

Yeah, it's one of their steps. Landmark is a culty load of bollocks built around paying for endless 'seminars' and recruiting others. It derives originally from EST. Writing to people from one's past to speak some truth is an early step. Unnecessary and intrusive, but they are a bit nutty.

Wikipedia says:
During the course, participants are encouraged to call friends and family members with whom they feel they have unresolved tensions, and to take responsibility for their own behavior

Could it be that?

I also wouldn’t reply, she sounds unhinged

She an deal with her shit and whatever she chose to do because she had an unreasonable reaction to something you did/said. It's rude because it's her that created the issue and she should deal with it privately.

Nutcase.

Block.

Yes, this is exactly what she says, that I haven’t actually “done” anything but her reactions to just my life have triggered her somehow. So weird.

Yes it’s exactly her issue and I completely agree she should deal with it privately

I’ve blocked her for now! Think I’ll stay on the group chat though as I don’t want to break contact with other ex colleagues

Landmark is simply a money making con - a "friend" convinced me to go to a course many years ago. The end times were really late (unadvertised) and when making the point how are people supposed to get home across London at 1am in the morning and be in early doors tomorrow I was hugely criticised by the course "leader". I remember sitting there when the massive revelation was that "everyone was acting in their lives as "machine/robot""!! (which loads in the room seemed to think was amazing) There was LOADS of pressure to buy more courses and get friends to attend the final evening, which of course was a hard sell to get them onto landmark!

And yet there was loads of crap about calling people etc.
Avoid.

Landmark Forum is a culty MLM that sells psycho-wank pyramid schemes to middle class gullibles. They get a load of newbies in a room, don't let them eat or drink, keep them late at night by which time they are desperate to DO ANYTHING to let it be over - including telephone their baffled friends and acquaintances with laundry lists of their perceived faults. You're encouraged to forgive everything (even abusers) and buy more courses.

To be clear: not a fan.

Have you discussed it with any of your fellow chat group members.? Chances are she's doing to others as well. She sounds utterly bonkers and definitely needs blocking!!

I would be surprised if you were the only one she's written to/blamed. Personally, I wouldn't block her but I'd say something like "I'm glad you could get past this" and then just not engage with her further.

I have not, I don’t really want to gossip about her tbh given as I never think it’s that pleasant and I’m not sure who else she might have written to

She is very active on social media though and I’ve seen her harping on about how brilliant the course is so will definitely be keeping an eye there for potential victims!

A couple of friends have done this years and years ago. They had 'breakthroughs' or whatever, fine, but the methods were a bit suspect to me. Lots of pressure to spill your heart out to strangers and work through things in front of the class. Quite dangerous, psychologically speaking, I now think.

But the real kicker was that they were materially incentivised to recruit people. That is a big old culty red flag.

That chimes with my only experience. My friend from school participated in it and certainly up until 6 months or so ago was still attending courses and took it as a cue to write to everyone in her life explaining to them in some depth about how they were responsible for everything wrong in her life.

She has always been a bit of a victim who I have tried hundreds of times over the years to help and support, financially and otherwise (her sleeping with my first boyfriend was a low point though and probably when i should have pulled the plug) and I know several others on the receiving end of this wanking bile had also tried to as well.

We are now 50, this was a good 25 years ago and she is still a total victim blaming everyone else for her poor choices and her inability to take responsibility for her own actions.

She had two childhood friends left. I have just this very week decided to wash my hands of her because I am fed up with the soul sucking misery exploiting drama of it all. Our other mutual friend is giving it until Christmas.

Landmark caused a very difficult situation between me and a very good friend when we were both vulnerable.

They are a cult. And unethical bastards.

I got rung up, out of nowhere, to be told how cynical I was. I told her I yam what I yam, and she knows why, and she can either take me or leave me.

This could absolutely be my situation, this is exactly how I’d describe her. She always has to make herself centre of everything and fails to take responsibility for anything. She also has multiple fake illnesses which miraculously leave to be replaced by something else (a self curing cancer was a particular high / lowlight)

Good for you for ending things with her, that’s exactly how I feel too!

My ex boyfriend took me to one of those years ago... they kept asking me questions and I just kept answering back it's a cult I don't want to be here

So they asked me to leave, ex was furious 🤣

My ex boyfriend took me along to one of these meetings! Its definitely a cult and you are strongly encouraged to seek out people you've had issues with and apologise in order to gain your " break through " moment. It was absolutely mental, one woman who got up to speak told us that she as a child, had watched her father shoot her mother. She was petrified and froze to the spot, understandably! She was told by the instructor that she wasnt really frozen, she could have helped, and that this " story " was just something her brain had made up. I was absolutely gobsmacked.
Be careful - she will continue to contact you and probably invite you along to a meeting ( again you are STRONGLY encouraged to do this )

Just to come back to this - one of my ex-colleagues has reached out to me to ask if I know anything about this as other ex-colleague has sent her some messages too. This person has a lifelong auto-immune disease and suffers with chronic pain etc, ex-colleague has suggested that going to the landmark forum might help her “clear her path forward and recognise some of the issues that are holding her back from addressing her illness”

What a fucking piss take honestly!

Someone in my family did some of the Landmark courses and it was actually pretty good for him. He admitted that he'd been a selfish twat and apologised and then asked people for honest opinions of him. He got a few that probably surprised him, but he made an effort to be a better person than he had been. I found him asking gave me a good opportunity to speak about some things he'd done that had massively pissed me off. He did try and get me involved but I firmly told him that I didn't need or want to and he accepted that. At the time, the rest of the family were horrified and thought he was getting sucked into a cult, but I think he was just exploring other ways of thinking. Anyway, it didn't last long, about a year, and then he backed away from it all and carried on, except without being a twat.

That is repellent. To try to peddle this bullshit to someone with a chronic illness and suggest that the limitations of their mindset are keeping them ill! Unforgivably exploitative.