Roe vs Wade - very triggering for ectopic pregnancy

[Superstorefan123]

Deep down I know I’m being over sensitive but just feeling upset and can’t discuss this with anyone in real life :(

To start this off I want to say I am 100% pro-choice and believe in access to abortion for any reason.

I’ve found the language used by lots of celebrities in response to Roe vs. Wade very triggering (see the below image, posted hundreds of times, saying ‘treatment for ectopic pregnancy is abortion’).

I understand in principle that the treatment for ectopic is the same as treatment for abortion - you terminate a pregnancy - but it feels so awful to label it in such a way when many women (myself included) have absolutely tortured ourselves over the termination of our much loved and wanted babies. It is an abortion in medical terms but in physical (your life is at risk) and emotional terms the outcome is often very different.

Of course it’s a massive concern that ectopic treatment could be at risk of being disallowed in the states, with life threatening consequences. So in a way I understand why they are saying this. I don’t know - it’s just left me feeling rubbish and with an even greater weight of blame than I felt before :(

'Abortion' carries no shame.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Ectopic pregnancy is only coming in to the debate because the USA is an insane backwater with people in positions of power who think ectopic pregnancies can be reimplanted into the uterus or that it is better to let a woman die than terminate even a non-viable pregnancy.

In sensible countries the only debate is over when the legal cut off point should be for a termination for non medical reasons. Ectopic pregnancy doesn't even feature in the debate because we are not batshit insane.

I agree with you OP. The whole situation is horrifying but the wording of that message is really misguided and I'm not quite sure what's it's trying to say tbh. That those treatments won't be available anymore? Because as I understand it, they will still carry out medical intervention when the woman's life is in danger.
It's not a helpful message and I'm sorry it's upsetting for you and I'm sure many others.

@thisisit77 I 100% agree and would have had an abortion myself at a different stage of my life no problem. But ectopic treatment felt so so traumatic and is often already guilt riddled (for me personally and many others I know) that this seems to be adding to that :(

Because as I understand it, they will still carry out medical intervention when the woman's life is in danger.

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

You don't need to torture yourself and your ectopic pregnancy was never going to result in a live baby. You did the only thing you could to save your life. You did not abort a baby.

The facts on that poster do need to be broadcast loud and clear however. There is a real danger that these treatments could possibly be ruled illegal in future resulting in the death of many women. Highlighting how unsafe this would and hopefully making lawmakers realise that they cannot be counted as an abortion is absolutely essential. Sadly after the appalling decision of the Supreme Court last week anything is possible.

I thought the concern was that they wouldn't do an abortion (ie removal of the pregnancy) if there was a heartbeat. So if you've got an ectopic pregnancy that has a heartbeat they're not going to do the abortion until either the heartbeat stops or the mother's life is at risk (ie the fallopian tube ruptures). Like that woman in Malta who was told her pregnancy was unviable but as it still has a heartbeat they wouldn't do an abortion and she was worried about getting an infection etc.

America is a very scary place right now. I think the language is helpful as it highlights the broader consequences of this ruling. Noone can read it and think "that won't apply to me, I'd never have an abortion".

It's because access to them for medical reasons can also be controlled, and I wouldn't be so sure that it won't be which is horrifying. I do see what you are saying but the reality is that for whatever the reason the procedure is an abortion and swept up in these changes potentially.

@HonhKongPhooey i do agree it’s important for people to realise the implications of the ruling and that is could effect anyone - pro abortion or not. So I guess I just need to desensitise a bit.

It’s just so hard as I already feel so tortured by what has happened - I wanted my baby more than anything and reading the phrase again and again just feels so triggering

I think I probably framed my first post wrong - I can see why it’s important to raise awareness and on principle the post is correct - it’s just brought up a lot of feelings of shame and sadness I wasn’t expecting and have been very triggered by :(

I'm sorry you are still hurting so much @Superstorefan123 . Would you be willing to say what you feel guilt or shame about? Ectopic is just sheer shitty luck, it is nothing caused by anyone. I have not experienced ectopic pregnancy but have had a lateish miscarriage (11weeks) so I do understand how painful it is to lose a much wanted baby

Hi OP.

I’m “recovering” from my second ectopic pregnancy of a very, very much wanted baby.

I now have no tubes left.

I understand your feelings very much. I’ve had other miscarriages too and the term “spontaneous abortion” really upset me on those.

I think it’s important to show (idiots) that what they are banning is actually life-saving procedures.

Weirdly, a part of me wishes this would prompt some better research into ACTUALLY finding a way to make some ectopic pregnancies viable.

I knew with both of mine that there was no chance of them becoming a take-home baby. Maybe in the future women will get their right to bodily autonomy back, and maybe science will get better at helping what has been seen as an insurmountable biological error.

But none of it is important when you’re grieving, I know. Look after yourself.

@Superstorefan123 I can understand seeing that must be difficult for you. It sounds like your ectopic was quite recent. I have had two ectopics (one treated with methotrexate and one surgically after it ruptured) and I can tell you that the pain will lessen and you will feel less raw about it with time. Maybe try and take a little break from social media if these messages are flying around.

I do completely agree that it is SO triggering all round:
As a woman
As a woman who has lost a wanted baby
As a woman who had a surgical abortion
As a woman who believes strongly in my own and others' rights to have an abortion, for any reason.

@TheDaydreamBelievers I guess so many people have said to me that I had to be treated for the ectopic pregnancy to save my life - it makes me feel like my life was prioritised over the baby, which has made me feel so guilty as I would have given my life to save them 1000x over :( I know deep down they wouldn’t have survived and we both would have died without treatment but I can’t shake the feeling I am a crap mum for not saving them :(

sorry very emotional at the moment! It’s all so fresh

@LividLaVidaLoca all language around pregnancy is so crap isn’t it :( ‘spontaneous abortion’ ‘geriatric pregnancy’ ‘incompetent cervix’ - it’s like they are going out of their way to make you feel shit about yourself!

But it was absolutely right for your life to be prioritised over the baby, @Superstorefan123.

And as you say, it wasn't either or, because the baby could never have lived.

@Superstorefan123 I am so sorry for what you have been through. Like @HonhKongPhooey I would encourage you to treat yourself gently and give yourself time. A year later and I'm still sad we lost a baby but I don't blame myself anymore for it. If 6 months down the line you still feel the same, I'd encourage you to consider counselling - I had some and it was really useful.

I lost both my tubes and 2 babies (with heartbeats) to ruptured ectopics

I was just reading an article on it actually where by the law in Texas won't make treatment for ectopics illegal it's just that the giving of methotrexate I believe you can get over the counter and some doctors are wary of proscribing it in case it hasn't been confirmed that there is no viability?

Ruptured ectopic pregnancy is a life threatening emergency. I still remember the patient who came into A and E just after midnight on April 1st, years ago.
I half thought the crash bleep was going to be an April Fool’s joke - fortunately I ran down anyway and found the poor woman in cardiac arrest after losing almost her entire circulating blood volume in internal bleeding. It took six pints of blood by rapid infusion to even get her fit to anaesthetise.

It absolutely enrages me that ignorant anti abortion campaigners want to interfere in any way whatever with the treatment these patients need.

If your experience is very fresh, I would avoid all abortion discussion. It's bound to be upsetting.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Our bodies can be very cruel and disloyal

I just wanted to say that I totally empathise with you and your feelings are, of course, valid. A lot of the language around pregnancy loss is really difficult. Take care of yourself and maybe disconnect from your socials for a while?

I mean I’ve found the mention of ectopics in this debate triggering, but more because it brings home that there are women in the US who will go through the same thing I did who will die, who will leave children like my DD motherless. That’s the stark reality of it.

I do understand where you’re coming from. Medical language can be blunt. A miscarriage is also known as a “spontaneous abortion”- had a few of those too and my knee jerk reaction is always “but I wanted those babies” until I can remind myself of the context.

I think the way that comment in the OP is framed is to show that ‘abortion’ doesn’t always equal a woman skipping into a clinic because she doesn’t fancy a baby, it encompasses lifesaving treatment. I’m ok with that because the alternative is that we allow the scenario I’ve alluded to above happen without argument.

Just to say thank you - everyone has been very kind in the reply - posted during a particularly dark moment post ectopic. Will heed advice to stay off social media and hoping for brighter (rainbow baby filled!) days to come ❤️

except, they wont.

in one state - only if they can reimplant the embryo. Which they cant. So women will die