15 year old gone

[Noathome]

I just woke up to use the bathroom. Checked on My 15 year old. And he's gone. I messaged him. And he said someone pissed him off and he's in his way to his sisters house.

If someone pussed him of why would he need to leave the house. Everyone is asleep so no one to bother him.

It was also planned as he made a shape in his bed to look like he was in it.

When I asked what time he was going to be at his sister he told me to fucking leave him alone.

He also said his phone is low on battery.

He also told me he's done it before but I never noticed.

Perhaps you should be talking to his sister. She might be the one to talk to rather than him right now. You need to know where he is. If he is there then you can relax a little knowing he is safe.
After that I think you need to be having a conversation with him.

I have messaged her already. He's not there.

Sadly he's near impossible to talk to. He won't listen. Take anything on board. He does not understand the danger in this at all. Or at least refuses to. He can be one pretty aggressive towards me. Have asked for help from professionals/ social services. and they basically could not help.

I know he is fifteen but he is still your child living in your house and dependant upon you.
He is pushing boundaries. You need to set them in stone.
Sanctions for bad behaviour. Rudeness not tolerated. Remove his phone. Don't give pocket money unless it is earned. Start getting hard. He is and he is gettig away with it.
What does his sister say

He said he has done this before but you ‘didn’t notice’? What’s the story behind that?

And do you know where he is?

It sounds beyond that

OP the first thing to do is call police?

check his bank account. I’m afraid my first thought is that he’s caught up in county lines. Sorry.

If my minor had absconded the house and no one knew where he was then I’d phone the police. Why haven’t you done this?

I'd be phoning the police and reporting him missing. He's not at home and not where he said he'd be. He could be anywhere caught up in anything right now.

15 is not a good age for the introducing of new boundaries or sanctions.
It is too late to 'start hard' I think.

I'd say: keep a dialogue going with your son while he is out and might be in danger. With mine, humour usually gets a response (other things get 'phone battery failed - no signal').

For the future - think about the adult he is to become soon? Work at drawing attention to the way that adults tend to let you know where they are going and for how long... and to agree that they'll be back or stay in if that doesn't work for the family. Freedoms bring responsibilities.

Explaining about (unreasonable) parental worry encouraged mine to be 'kind' to me during the horrible arrogant-mid teens. He would do safer things - just to pander to my silly fears - though we both agreed ( 🙄) that really he was manly and invincible.

(I try not to play the guilt card that my own parents were such experts with... but I know where it is.)

I hope you get to hear he is safe soon.

So your 15 year old is out overnight, not at his sisters and he has very little charge on his phone, so if in danger could not call you and you have no idea where he is. Surely you ring around his friends then go out looking for him and call police. I have a 15 year old and that is what I would do. How could you not notice he has done this before?

I don' t know how things are with the police where you are but ours wouldn't be rushing to look for a 15 year old out late of his own accord.

(It wasn't easy to get help with a missing 13 year new old foster-child who was considered 'street wise' 😮because she had taken herself out in the early hours before.)

Yes we are well beyond that . Its not always as easy ad take their stuff away . Wish it was. He's at his sisters now std contacted me to let me know

OP Hope you are OK. is there a backstory to this. Can anyone help you?

Erm because I do a thing called sleep. I can't sit watching him. Do something I did not know he was doing.

And as much as ges my son I'm not walking the streets at this time of night only own . And leaving my younger children alone.

Hes at his sisters now. She let me know.

Just want to answer about the police. I was going to contact them. But then I thought if i phone them and say I noticed he's sneaked out. There was a couple of messages and he said hes going to his sisters but won't tell me when he will be there. They probably would have told me to give it a while and check to see if he had turned up there.

There is a bit of a back story. With mental health . Aggression etc . We are waiting on camhs but that's taking along time. We have tried other stuff forms of support/counselling/social services etc but he was not engaging he's extremely hard work. But he seems to have short phases of being ok/reasonable then he will suddenly go backwards. He's not been to school for a long time . He's meant to be starting college in September and he seems positive about it so I'm hoping that will turn him onto a better path.

He's got to stop doing this. How to get into the head of a fifteen year old who thinks the world is against him ? They think they know it all at this age don't they?
Isn't there anyone he respects who could talk to him? An uncle perhaps?

Does he smoke weed OP

No there's not. Anyone. He's close to his sister. Whos house he's gone to. But he does not really listen. His social worker was male hoped that might help a bit . But did not.

No. Just them stupid vapes. I think I would definitely smell it on him/clothes. I hate that smell so much

Can't his sister talk to him?
Perhaps when he starts college he will grow up a little.

She says bits here and there. But it's difficult as she does not want him to back of and then not go to her at all.

Yes im praying college does change things

The current waiting list for CAMHS In many areas is very long police involvement can actually help If this happens again phone them Let Social worker know about tonight for same reason

I will do that. Thank you.

I had 3 hours sleep last night. The whole situation lasted under an hour. But I was worried sick. And just could not sleep even though I knew he was safe by this point.