My sister thinks mum is showing signs of vascular dementia

[MultiBird]

She's basing that on how her DH's aunt was around the time she was diagnosed.

Mum is rude, short tempered, defensive. DSis says her tone is just like Aunty S. She's always been like that, but she mostly had the good manners to mask it. As she's got older (76) she's become one of those older people who don't care what people think.

She's a good kind hearted person too, one of those "heart's in the right place" kind of people, but there's no doubt she can be very frustrating.

I'm not concerned, to me it's how she's always been, but I live locally and see her regularly, DSis sees her less frequently so perhaps sees changes more than I do.

It doesn't really make a difference as there's no way mum would agree to see a doctor, but do you think the concerns are valid?

You could write to her GP, explaining why you're concerned and asking whether they could call her in ostensibly because of her fall but do relevant tests/checks as they think appropriate?

MIL got her diagnosis ultimately because she had a fall in town and got taken to the hospital, who spotted indications of confusion and then followed up. We'd all had our suspicions beforehand but she wouldn't go to the GP.

Your DSis could well be right, but what will it change? All you can do is keep an eye on things.

My DM had dementia and now my MIL has it, different diagnoses (DM had vascular dementia MIL has Alzheimer's as well) in neither cas was increased grumpiness a sign, but I wouldn't rule anything out.

You definitely pick up signs much sooner second time around and in any case it can take years before it has any serious impact.

Number one piece of advice is to see if your DM will agree to give consent for her GP to consult with you and your sister in future if necessary.