Awful guilt, feel like worst mum ever

[Tryingforallofit]

I am signed off work, am really not in a good way. I’m barely able to function, spend most of my time in bed.

Have a young DD, not even 2 yet, typically lively and full of fun. Normally I do try to have fun with her at the weekend and after nursery, go to toddler groups etc when she’s not there.

At the moment she’s going to nursery 5 days a week and DH is having to have her weekends, but lovely as he is he just doesn’t do much with her. So this weekend my brother took her to the park for a bit and she went to her swimming lesson, the rest of the time she was just roaming around the house and garden, had far too much CBeebies and generally just feeling like she must have been so bored.

I now feel bad as she’s at nursery and I’m home alone. I know it’s the best place for her but she doesn’t necessarily realise that IYSWIM.

Please don't beat yourself up. She'll be absolutely fine. At 2 5 days at nursery will provide ample stimulation and a couple of gentle days with Dad will be nice for her. Just concentrate on getting yourself better xxx

That sounds like a fairly normal weekend though! Swimming, park, playing at home/garden. Don't be so hard on yourself She'll be doing so much fun stuff at nursery that it's fine for weekends not to be absolutely packed full of stuff.

Thank you, I felt like she must have been so bored just playing with the same toys in the same room for hours!

I'll bet she has fun at nursery. They have heaps of interaction there so I really don't think quite weekends are a bad thing. Would you feel guilty about her being in nursery if you were at work? Right now your job is to recover from whatever has you signed off work.

Try and think how you'd treat a friend or loved one in your situation. I expect you'd be supportive and understanding and think they should focus on getting better, not thinking bad things because their DC was in nursery when they were sick?

The best thing you can do for your DD right now is to look after yourself. Beating yourself up doesn't help anyone and you deserve better than that.

A little bit of boredom is good for the imagination but it doesn't sound like she was bored, it sounds like she had a lovely weekend. Now she is having a great time with her friends so try to use this time for you. You matter and looking after you is so, so important for your future and hers.

There's a growing consensus that it's good to allow children to get a little bored as it's good for developing their imagination.
It sounds like an ok arrangement- don't feel bad. Rest up guilt free.

Don’t feel guilty about your DD, she sounds fine and a couple of days at home after a full-on nursery week sounds fine. Children love familiarity, their own toys. It’s great.

Don’t be cross at your DP for not doing things the way you would - don’t forget it’s hard for anyone when you’re suddenly a team member down in parenting, and you’re worried about your loved one (he will be worried about you!)

You sound like there’s other support around, like your brother - that’s brilliant for you all.

I hope you feel better soon - try not to take on any more worries

Can she sit next to you in bed - if it's a physical reason you are signed off - and you help her colour in or do crafts or read a book together? Or have a "film" night with snacks etc - IME it these easy activities that they enjoy the most

OP, my three year old regularly has days like this and I’m not unwell. I feel that over entertaining children deprives them of the chance to learn how to play independently. I also firmly believe that children regularly need time doing very little at home just pottering with their toys and exploring the house. Modern life is intense and they need a chance to relax and not have to interact with things and people they don’t want to.

You’ve pretty much described most of my weekends when I was that age - I’m well rounded and successful. Entertaining your child all weekend long is a relatively modern approach, and one weekend won’t do any harm.

Hope you feel better soon

It's way more than that. There's other kids, who mostly at this age they play in parallel, but still the start of learning social skills. Exposure to people talking to her, other kids, story time all helps speech development. She'll be building and playing and do craft activities. I'd expect the nursery rotate toys too. We have a ton of toys and still my boys will find their favourites and play with them over and over. She won't be bored.

Please don't feel guilty OP. Nursery is about so much more than playing with the same toys and plenty of kids go full time. Just focus on getting better.

If you were the worst mother ever you wouldn't care, so put that thought aside.

Could you have some clean actives in your room - paper and crayons, stickers, simple jigsaws, books, and then you can do some activities with her? Or could you get to the sofa so you can be present if she's watching TV or playing with toys in there?

I was in your position last week.a friend took her in to nursery for me, where she had a whale of a time, then things were calmer at the house. She really seemed to enjoy helping me, picking stuff up from the floor etc, so got lots of praise for that which pleased her.