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Why her? And not me?

2 replies

SFrancis1 · 26/06/2022 11:49

My oldest sister (9 years senior) was obsessed with becoming pregnant from the age of 14. She has learning difficulties and my parents were told it was against human rights for her to be sterilised.

Fast forward 26 years and she is now 40, with 4 children (all with different special needs) in foster care and unfortunately had numerous terminations. Her children have been in care for 10 years. She never sees them. Grandparents, Aunties and cousins have regular contact. (long story why grandparents were unable to care for them) I spent the weekend with my 16 year old nephew who was in tears because he has moved placement, again. Hello, 7th carers! All of the children live in different placements, separately. Why did the doctor never consider their human rights? Their suffering?

Today I am finding it really hard because I keep on asking myself why her? My partner and I have been trying to conceive for a year, with no luck. Yet my sister falls pregnant at the sight of a man and never sees her children. Even classes herself as not having children (broke my heart when she said that). Yes, having your children taken from your care is horrendous and I don't know how anyone would cope with that. I am not ignorant to it, honestly. ALOT of support has been given to my sister, the family revolved around her.

I know I am being selfish. I have not spoken to anyone in my family about this. I am just struggling in my own journey and finding it hard to cope with family dynamics.

*for those who wish to comment "why didn't you take them in?", " I would never let my grandchildren go into care". Please don't. I obviously have not posted my whole life story and every little detail in this thread. There is alot more to the story.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/06/2022 11:51
Sad

Life just isn't fair and humans are incredibly fallible.

Flowers
Piscesmumma1978 · 26/06/2022 11:57

Unfortunately that’s how it works sometimes.

My nieces baby was found to have broken bones at 6 weeks old. Police investigation found nothing. She’s now had 3 more children. The baby was adopted by her partners family.

My other niece can’t have children. Many failed ivf rounds etc. They have now adopted.

I do not understand how life works. It’s unfair, you are right to feel what you feel. Have you considered counselling to help?

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