I'm a widow. We were married for 30 years, have DC in their 20s.
It is definitely true that one of the reasons we were/I am financially secure is that we married young and stayed together, but I always contributed at least half, sometimes more.
We sold out first house after 10 years, having repaid the mortgage in full, by paying my annual bonus into it! Our salaries were about the same during that time.
Because we were debt free, had some savings and both capable of supporting ourselves we didn't have a lot of life insurance arrangements, although there was a payout from his employer.
I do get a very small widows pension.
I have chosen to treat the death benefit lump sum as money for DC. I haven't given it to them, they don't know it's there, but it will at some point go to them either towards a house deposit or for education.
The pension I do see as mine, as it's a (reduced) part of our joint retirement plans, although currently I am not spending it. I'm actually putting equivalent into my own pension, as my (our joint) expected retirement income was much reduced by his early death.
As a widow, I can stay in our home, run a nice car, have a decent life, primarily because of my own job. However, every time I go anywhere or buy anything (most recently a new car) people feel the need to "sympathise" with me by saying "at least he left you well provided for." GRRR.