Help me relax and calm down please

[blackheartsgirl]

Things coming to a head tonight, my 1st wedding anniversary and the first anniversary of my husbands passing coming up next week, I’ve just an almighty screaming row with my exs gf over thier daughters and my daughter ( they are back together after 20 years, it’s a very unusual and weird situation and absolutely horrible for my girls) very long and unpleasant story.

I am close to breakdown, I’ve done nothing but cry, my heart is fast, won’t slow down and is chucking extra heart beats in for good measure (all part of the condition I have) and I’m so wound up, help someone please talk to me, feel so crap

anyone 😭

Firstly, if you have a condition, what usually helps calm you down?
can you try deep breathing exercises? (Sorry hope that doesn’t sound patronising)
I cannot imagine how hard this week must be, you got married just before your DH died then?

Yes we married in hospital 8 days before he died

i have tried deep breathing, it works a bit then I get anxious weird I know.

usually I’d crochet or watch a film but I’m too agitated to do both.

so many memories 😢

Oh I’m so sorry. You really need this time to grieve, the firsts are always so hard.

how old are your daughters?

Do you need physical help? If you need to just talk it through then we’re here. I know alcohol doesn’t solve problems but I’d have a large wine here

I'm so sorry, op

When I'm this agitated, I find a way to move.
Brush my hair, make a cup of tea, have a shower. Movement helps break the physical tension and doing things like this are quite self soothing.

I listen to or watch something which helps take me out of my head just a little bit. Usually something light hearted - Horrible Histories on iplayer has been my go to lately.

I’m ok for physical, it’s more my state of mind tbh, once I calm that down my heart will settle. I’m on medication and I’ve just taken them. I’m just very anxious.

I haven’t got any wine or I’d be chugging it down.

my daughters are 19, 15 and 12. I have an older dd but he lives with his gf and thier kids.

I have so much going on, my poor younger girls are going through the mill with thier dad

talking helps, I can’t talk to anyone in real life

That sounds really hard, I’m sorry. Ideas from me:

Exercise- i know it’s the middle of the night but download a HIIT routine from the internet and wear yourself out/use up the adrenaline

A glass of milk and some sort of carb

A stiff gin!

Do some cleaning

Any of those grab you? None of them fix anything but sometimes it’s just about getting through the night x

sending calm vibes OP, and I’m sorry things are so hard.

Warm drink? Even if you don’t really drink it, just a warm mug in your hands

Fwiw, when I was often awake/fearful at night during a challenging period a couple of years back, I couldn’t watch anything with a plot, but I found episodes of the Repair Shop (with the volume low) really gentle and calming — just watching people mend stuff. It helped me get down to a level where I could sleep.

A useful breathing exercise for panic attacks is 7 breaths in, count to 6, 8 breaths out.

Also try to ground yourself, here are some techniques; mentalillnessmouse.tumblr.com/post/29402354876/grounding-techniques.

Start small. It's horrible but you've managed to post here, so I bet you have the wherewithal to 'reboot' yourself

I love the repair shop!

my dd 20 has just made a cuppa, she’s really upset for her sisters ( thankfully my older 2 has a diff ent dad and he’s pretty great)

I used to love late night cleaning. I’m dog sitting my mums dog, my own dog is on the bed and both are snoring thier heads off plus the pup I’d wake them up. The pups doing good though, makes me smile

Thanks plentyoffool I’ll have a read of the link

im due to see a heart specialist in Liverpool soon, I have arrhythmia and there’s someone wrong with the electrical impulses in my heart. My blood pressure is being controlled by meds. I’m just a walking disaster

@007DoubleOSeven

yes I normally find a very gentle walk or pottering about helps, it’s a bit harder at night. Ijust can’t stop my arms and legs from moving about, very agutated

Watch Glastonbury on iplayer?

Have you tried yoga? Perhaps listening to calming music with soothing videos? Something like this https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCg9mYCi93pwm0aFqwGneaSA

Can you go for a walk with your daughter?

Get on YouTube and listen to a hypnosis/meditation video by Jason stephenson or stevie Jo Harris. They are MAGIC!