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Original poster

One of DS's school friends has just been convicted for paedophilia

29 replies

MultiBird · 25/06/2022 13:45

And sexual acts with a pet.

He's only 20 and the earliest of the crimes is from 2 years ago, when they were still at school.

The man (when he was a boy) has been in my house. DS went camping with him.

I think their friendship fizzled out as they got older. He was always a bit odd (although I never would have imagined this) but DS liked him because he was clever with technology. They built things together, DS was a friend to him when he didn't have many friends.

The news report says he shared images in an attempt to find other young people to share his interest. I'm really concerned that DS might have been "involved" in some way.

He's 21 now and seems well adjusted, but if 21 years of parenting has taught me anything it's never to get smug/complacent.

Do you think I need to do anything re DS1? Presumably if the investigation had found anything that involved DS, he'd have been contacted/called as a witness, but I feel like I should check everything's OK / whether he has seen anything? Or does that sound like making accuasions?

OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 25/06/2022 14:23

Huh? I'd leave well alone.

Saucery · 25/06/2022 14:28

Nothing wrong with opening a conversation with “I assume you heard about X? How awful” and seeing if your DS wants to talk about it, but don’t push him if he doesn’t. If he had been involved in any way the police would have been in touch, so I wouldn’t be worrying about that.

It’s sad when people we knew as children do horrible things, so nothing wrong with a brief reflection on that and then move on.

Idiotintraining · 25/06/2022 14:28

Firstly how horrid.

Secondly I would speak to him and try and be as honest as possible. Say that they used be close and maybe he will tell you the truth. If he knows he won't get angry then maybe he will be open.

balalake · 25/06/2022 18:18

I think if he does not know he should be.

GrazingSheep · 25/06/2022 18:20

I’m fairly certain your son knows.

Hallyup89 · 25/06/2022 18:48

I wouldn't get involved. You don't know how bad it is. Was he 18 looking at almost 16 year olds, or almost 6 year olds? There's a huge difference.

Octomore · 25/06/2022 18:53

Hallyup89 · 25/06/2022 18:48

I wouldn't get involved. You don't know how bad it is. Was he 18 looking at almost 16 year olds, or almost 6 year olds? There's a huge difference.

He had sex with a pet!!!

That's pretty bloody bad.

mistermagpie · 25/06/2022 19:01

The pet thing is very odd.

I would do as a PP asked and mention it in a general way, maybe just a 'did you ever get a weird vibe from him or anything?' to give him an opening if there's anything he does want to share?

Hallyup89 · 25/06/2022 19:04

Octomore · 25/06/2022 18:53

He had sex with a pet!!!

That's pretty bloody bad.

Show quote history

That's not what the op says.

Try again.

Octomore · 25/06/2022 19:07

Ok, "sexual acts with a pet"

There is no way on earth that that isn't bloody bad. For a start, pets can't testify - so physical evidence would likely be needed.

antelopevalley · 25/06/2022 19:32

In this general situation I would simply tell him about the sentence and say did you ever get any signs that he might be into something like that? Maybe jokes he made?

But you say you are really concerned DS might be involved ins some way. Why do you think that? Are there signs that you ignored at the time that now make you think hmmm?

dontgobaconmyheart · 25/06/2022 19:36

Your DS is an adult, presumably if you know about it he also does. No harm in bringing it up as presumably it is now local knowledge but I can't imagine you're going to get much in return other than that he had no idea, agrees it's vile.

I do think the whole ' he was always a bit odd' is unfair and not really relevant. Plenty of people are socially awkward, neurodivergent or what some would consider strange; doesn't mean they are a more likely candidate for vile acts such as this individual has committed.

Notbeinfunnehbut · 25/06/2022 19:36

He’s probably feeling mortified it will be the talk of the town

if a conversation is had then do it from a supportive angle not an accusatory one.

Booklover3 · 25/06/2022 19:50

I’d bring it up in conversation and watch his reaction I think.

Original poster
MultiBird · 25/06/2022 21:45

antelopevalley · 25/06/2022 19:32

In this general situation I would simply tell him about the sentence and say did you ever get any signs that he might be into something like that? Maybe jokes he made?

But you say you are really concerned DS might be involved ins some way. Why do you think that? Are there signs that you ignored at the time that now make you think hmmm?

Oh no, I don't think DS is involved personally, but I wondered if he might be one of the young people who had images shared to him iyswim.

I'm also aware that this boy's mother probably had no idea and all my safeguarding training does remind you that it could be "anyone" and that it does happen "here".

OP posts:
Original poster
MultiBird · 25/06/2022 21:46

dontgobaconmyheart · 25/06/2022 19:36

Your DS is an adult, presumably if you know about it he also does. No harm in bringing it up as presumably it is now local knowledge but I can't imagine you're going to get much in return other than that he had no idea, agrees it's vile.

I do think the whole ' he was always a bit odd' is unfair and not really relevant. Plenty of people are socially awkward, neurodivergent or what some would consider strange; doesn't mean they are a more likely candidate for vile acts such as this individual has committed.

I agree completely, but it does seem that when it comes out they are always a bit odd. No one could say Jimmy Saville wasn't strange.

OP posts:
Original poster
MultiBird · 25/06/2022 21:48

Octomore · 25/06/2022 19:07

Ok, "sexual acts with a pet"

There is no way on earth that that isn't bloody bad. For a start, pets can't testify - so physical evidence would likely be needed.

There was video apparently. I don't know what exactly happened, obviously, but he got 2 years suspended, so, well I don't know, I can't really think of anything within those descriptions that should get such a light sentence, but there we are.

OP posts:
lljkk · 25/06/2022 21:50

That is super sad. Just another life ruined. :(

PAFMO · 25/06/2022 21:53

If your son "had images shared" to him, the police would probably have been round.

notapizzaeater · 25/06/2022 21:55

PAFMO · 25/06/2022 21:53

If your son "had images shared" to him, the police would probably have been round.

But presumably they wouldn't need to share this with you as your DS is an adult

ekinsu · 25/06/2022 21:59

Hallyup89 · 25/06/2022 18:48

I wouldn't get involved. You don't know how bad it is. Was he 18 looking at almost 16 year olds, or almost 6 year olds? There's a huge difference.

what the fuck

gingersplodgecat · 25/06/2022 22:16

lljkk · 25/06/2022 21:50

That is super sad. Just another life ruined. :(

I reserve my sadness for the victims of crime, not the perpetrators.

antelopevalley · 25/06/2022 22:18

MultiBird · 25/06/2022 21:45

Oh no, I don't think DS is involved personally, but I wondered if he might be one of the young people who had images shared to him iyswim.

I'm also aware that this boy's mother probably had no idea and all my safeguarding training does remind you that it could be "anyone" and that it does happen "here".

Show quote history

If your son had images shared of him the police would tell him this. It would be up to your DS whether he told you this or not. He does not have to.

PAFMO · 25/06/2022 22:19

antelopevalley · 25/06/2022 22:18

If your son had images shared of him the police would tell him this. It would be up to your DS whether he told you this or not. He does not have to.

Show quote history

The OP says "images shared TO him" not "images shared OF him"

Original poster
MultiBird · 25/06/2022 22:21

antelopevalley · 25/06/2022 22:18

If your son had images shared of him the police would tell him this. It would be up to your DS whether he told you this or not. He does not have to.

Show quote history

No, I don't think the images will be of DS, he wouldn't have been a child, I thought it might be possible the images were sent to him. The article says the convicted man shared them with other young people to try and find like minded people.

OP posts: