DH comment...

[user1212121212]

DH and I have two small children.

This week in particular has been very fraught, both are being exceptionally hard work and we're exhausted by it.

I'd like to say this was vastly different from normal life but sadly it's not. We are slightly older parents, who had a great, free lifestyle, before we had our children. I think parenting has been a huge shock to both of us as neither of us have any experience with children prior to this and are only children.

I had many fertility issues while trying for DC.

While we were jointly grumbling about how exhausting this week has been DH said I wonder if said fertility issues were a sign we're not cut out for this.

Now while I know what point he's trying to make it has made me furious he'd even say it. I love my children more than life and now matter how trying they are I will never regret having them.

I believe he feels the same but I'm livid he made this comment.

I'm sorry you're struggling, it's tough!

I don't think what he said was terrible though. I'd have probably laughed & agreed. Then scheduled adult naps for the afternoon!!

I'd guess it's just a throwaway comment from someone under pressure and knackered.

We weren't that old but sometimes wondered similarly. Just push on with doing the best you can.

Don't be furious if he can't talk openly to you who can he talk to. He's probably just pushing along doing his best he should be able to grumble to you.

Yeah that's a shitty comment, especially if you were the one to experience fertility issues aka you are one one not cut out to be a parent.

I've had several people tell me, or infer, that if you can't have children its because you shouldn't be a mother. Its bullshit, otherwise we wouldn't need child protective services and adoption.

I'm guessing he meant maybe he wouldn't have tried as hard if he knew how hard parenting was going to be but its insensitive and out of order

Im sorry he's touched a nerve, and it must be raw.

But I agree with PPs - unless he said it with real venom, I'd assume it was an idle remark which accidentally hurt because of your particular circumstances , rather than something you should be upset by.

Thanks so much for the perspective. It's hard to be balanced when you've suffered so many losses, like I did.

when you're then sleep deprived because our children are so close together and so energetic. After the week we've had I'm seriously considering eldest may have some issues to discuss with health visitor/GP.

Thanks again all

Don't be cross with him , he's exhausted, you both are. We all say crazy shit we don't really mean sometimes. Try and keep pulling together. It will get easier.