My 3 &1/2 year old just got in my bed and peed

[Helpmeihavea3yearold]

After a tough week of tantrums and meltdowns and pushed to the limit of tiredness, he got in my bed and just said 'I've just weed in your bed mummy'
Not just a little wee but a full bladder wee. Think the duvet has to be binned as it won't fit in the washing machine.

I'm furious and upset. He doesn't have accidents he's done it on purpose because he wanted to apparently.
It's made me have a complete meltdown, I'm probably overreacting but I need some advice, what would you do? Say?

I feel totally out of control as he's so hyper at the moment and I feel like I'm failing at being the mum I wanted to be.

Missing the point but I’d be more worried about the mattress than the duvet, which can be washed at a launderette as pps have said. I only have mattress protectors on the kids bed, I like our mattress to be able to breathe. Does everyone have waterproof mattress protectors on their double/ king size beds?

More practically I think taking him to the launderette and watching the cycle through is a great idea. And having several quiet routine days to calm him . And talk to him about it a few times for a short time. And don’t let him in your bed for quite some time. And make sure he’s getting enough attention.

I've scrubbed the mattress. He weed tonnes! It went through a few layers, I do have a mattress protector but it's not waterproof so it's soaked everything.

He did it on purpose, I wasn't even in the bed ☹️

"On purpose" at three isn't the same as "on purpose" as an adult though.

Yes, he's old enough to know better but at the same time you say his behaviour has been poor all week so this hasn't just come out of nowhere.

Most 3yo's do things for attention, even if it's "deliberate".

Your duvet can probably be laundered (not dry cleaned!) at a local DC/laundry. Unless it was a very cheap one, in which case probably cheaper to replace.

@coffeecupsandfairylights Yes I do agree, I'm just frustrated to be honest. He knows it's wrong and he thought it was funny which didn't help 🤯

If it's any help, I have a truly delightful 26yr old son.
He was once a toddler that peed in his book box, on some full length curtains, and on the pillow of my bed, when I told him off or asked him to do something he didn't want to do. I learned to shut all the doors (knobs he couldn't turn) before frustrating him in any way.

Behaviour is communication. He's unsettled and frustrated in some way.

My lad turned out to be ND. Have a think about what's going on underneath this random act of bed wetting.

Does he need more attention, less stress (excitement and fun are stresses), some structure... watch and think.

And don't beat yourself up for getting cross. He'll recover!

On a practical note, sprinkle/push/rub bicarbonate of soda into the mattress. It will soak up the moisture, and neutralise the smell, then you can vacuum it out.

He's a baby. A dog would do it more often and smell worse.

Rubbish.

He's not a baby - he's 3.5
I've always had dogs and allowed them on beds. Never had one wee on a bed.
I don't believe dog wee smells worse than human wee.

And tv laughing, he

Oops 🙈

That was meant to say "and by laughing he probably got even more if your attention which just encouraged him to laugh more".

You can wash duvet in the bath. I know after having to wash our super king duvet after Ds puked on it when tiny
At least it’s summer so it will dry outside easily

He's not a baby and he's also not a toddler. He's 3.5 years old and he get into the OP's bed to wee in it. Today he has learned that weeing in someone's bed makes them very angry, which is entirely appropriate.

I would not be all calm and arranging a special weekend to reconnect (wtf?). He would be rebalancing his unsettled emotions with a very quiet very boring day with no TV, no playground and no special attention to reward this behaviour. He would not be getting near my bed for a long time.

I must come from a different planet, at 3.5years old they are pre schoolers and need clear bounderies, consequences for bad behaviour. I would not be tolerating this behaviour. Apart from this week how is his behaviour generally? How do you normally deal with bad/naughty behaviour?

He's a baby. A dog would do it more often and smell worse.

He is not a baby, he’s 3 1/2! Also have had my dog since he was a puppy, he has never peed on my bed.

I find it surprising that, as a parent, you've never had to wash a duvet before & would throw it away rather than use a large machine at a launderette.

He's normally a very loving little boy, very active and quite boisterous but I can normally handle him!
He does suffer really badly with separation anxiety, I can't even go to a different room without him screaming. It's very tiring and I've never been given any advice how to deal with it. Even on holiday at the buffet I couldn't go to get my own food without him coming with me each time. Even though he could see me from where we were sitting. It's draining. I had hoped he would have grown out of it but it's been over a year and he's still the same.

So sorry OP that's a crap start to your day. However as someone in the thick of a 2 and a bit year old, I just wanted to point out that what goes through their heads can be a world away from ours! We really don't know that he wasnt thinking 'this will make mummy laugh' or he'd read a book about potty training where after a genuine accident the little person gets a cuddle, and he wanted a cuddle. Or he wanted to see if it would make a big puddle. Or insert any other insane toddler logic. I have no other advice but I hope it helps that he may well not have been deliberately trying to hurt or cause trouble.

Sorry not RTFT but any time any of my kids wants in my bid I tell them wee first - no accidents for years (after a few 😮)