What would tell you an apology may not be sincere?

[curiousitygotthebetterofme]

Recently a “friend” upset me and I eventually got an apology. I had put up with her behaviour for so long and then eventually i confronted her.

She texted me an apology, basically apologising for what happened and that was she was sorry “if I felt that way” and sorry “if she did or said anything that upset me”

Surely by saying “if she did or said anything that upset me” is not an admission of her wrongdoing?

I’m not perfect, I have made mistakes myself and hurt people, but if I’m apologising I’d always make sure I phrase it so that I’m taking responsibility for what happened and I’d be saying something like “I am sorry for what I did and the upset I have caused you to feel”

I can accept an apology as long as it is true and genuine, but I can’t accept fake apologies if its not genuine

A good apology will name the behaviour that is being apologised for. I wouldn't consider something like "sorry if I hurt you" a true apology. Especially with the "if" as it suggests doubt as to whether you were actually hurt and suggests they think you're just overreacting.

You can't make someone apologise if they don't mean it though.

Do you actually want to be friends with her?

It's perfectly OK to be the bigger person and gracefully accept an apology, then stop having much to do with her. You can forgive but not forget.

It sounds like she is turning it around and making it about your behaviour/feelings.
I had an "apology" like this too. It was also "sorry you feel that way" and "I wish you could have spoken to me to sort it out". She had no idea what she was apologising for. All bollocks.

It should always be im sorry my words/actions hurt you never im sorry you FEEL that way im sorry you THINK that way im sorry IF you think I hurt you saying that just turns their piss poor behavior into your fault

I thought this too, I can absolutely understand that people make mistakes and I’m willing to let her make amends but only if she can actually see what she did was wrong and give a genuine apology.

Just saying “sorry” for the sake of it just makes me even more upset

Just because you feel wronged doesn't mean she did something wrong.

It very much depends on the situation and what happened.

Yes I do want to be friends with her. I’d respect her a lot more and forgive a lot easier if she’d properly admit she was wrong and apologise sincerely.

I just didn’t pick that up from her apology. It was if she just said it for the sake of saying it because I told one of our mutual friends that she really needs to apologise to me, but I’d rather she didn’t apologise to me than have one if it’s fake

She did unfortunately. I can’t go into it on here but it involved deliberately humiliating me in front of other people over quite a bit of time

Well she's not sorry. You can't make her be, you can want the proper apology all you want.
So what will you do going forward with nothing?

You can either move on, or ditch her. But you need to take control.

That’s the thing, I can’t force her to apologise.

I’m still giving it time to see what happens as it’s early days, but I think I would have to cut all contact with her if she truly can’t see the error of her ways

My partner is awful at apologising. Usually says "I'm sorry you feel upset" "I'm sorry if what I said came across as rude to you"... never "I'm sorry I upset you" "I'm sorry that I was rude". I find it quite difficult to deal with. A true apology names and takes ownership of the action and apologises for it.