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I just want someone to talk to 😓

14 replies

CB1171115 · 24/06/2022 22:08

Hi all! I am really struggling and could do with some people to talk to.

I am a mother of two, eldest 11 who he is off to secondary in September and he is autistic. I'm so anxious about him starting his new school. I ended up making myself ill in hospital worrying about him starting primary and that was nothing compared to this. My physical and mental health is in tatters.

ds's behaviour has been really challenging lately. We had a support worker who's totally left us in the lurch. We seen her a few times then it stopped for no apparent reason. we seem to slip through the net. DS's challenging behaviour is Affecting us all, I feel like a failure of a parent to both of them. feel like I am not a good enough parent to deal with my sons issues and not being an attentive enough mother to my youngest because of all this. I am just counting down until bedtime every day ag the minute.

DS doesn't sleep well either.

family situation is me, Dp, ds and ds. DS is not biologically dp's but treats him as his own. Been with dp 10 years. We do get on generally but things have been strained recently.

Ds sees his dad sporadically and is a massive let down who always says he's gonna help when he's not.

Dp works long hours and is a great hands on dad but doesn't do much around the house so I feel like I'm drowning in housework at the minute.

I have spent weeks trying to sort transport and trying to ensure he is supported. Meetings, phone calls, visits and emails. I haven't stopped.

been trying to organise a party for my youngest too as she's never had one before due to covid and want her to have the day she deserves.

I don't have many friends. Know lots of people and no solid friendships. Family aren't very supportive either and live half hour away. None of them really understand and make stupid comments about it all.

a relative recently called me a lady of leisure because I'm not working currently but I literally don't stop. Constantly feel judged.

I am grieving of the death of my beloved grandpa who I love and miss dearly. The only person in my family I could rely on.

my own bio dad has never wanted to know me. Difficult relationship with my mum. She's treated me badly.

i have severe anxiety myself and likely to be on the spectrum myself but not yet formally assessed or diagnosed. Scored 170 on raads r and it would explain a lot and doctor agrees I need to be assessed but feel like I don't have the energy to think of myself right now.

my mental health is in tatters. It's finally come to head tonight, me and dp have argued, first time in a long time... I've cried, had a panic attack and felt like I was gonna pass out . My head is throbbing like pain I've never felt before. He might be working and providing financially and with the kids but I'm doing everything else. I'm so overwhelmed. He's gone to sleep on the sofa and I'm in bed.

I just don't know what help is out there. No one wants to help us, we've slipped through the net.

i am knackered, not eating healthy or at all, I look and feel like shit.

sounds like I'm just digging for sympathy but I'm feeling more lonely than I ever have right now.

Now it's the weekend, Dp is working. I struggle to get the kids out too far on my own so it'll likely be a day stuck in tomorrow. My kids don't get on and taking them out on my own is a nightmare.

OP posts:
heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:21

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this..you could really do with a break....

heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:24

...and a good night sleep...

Have you spoken to your husband about this? Would you like to speak to a doctor just in case you're depressed?

I know how you feel about the housework and drowning in it...my husbands the same...reading your post has made think I'm going to stick all the chores on the fridge and ask him to tackle as many as he can whilst I do some too...

I know what you meant struggling with kids my dd is four and isn't great with sleeping...have you tried a routine?

Also with him starting secondary school...could you contact the school and address your concerns and see if anyone could support him during the first week?

heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:26

Let some of the house work pile up and ask him to help when he sees it...hopefully he will pull his weight once he's seen it build up...

You're house doesn't need to be perfect...so the bare minimum and don't stress yourself out worrying about it....give yourself a few off days and chill out...I really think you need to see your doctor if you're having panic attacks....

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LostAndLonely2022 · 24/06/2022 22:26

That sounds tough OP. We can listen if you want to talk

CB1171115 · 24/06/2022 22:27

Thank you. His Sleep is improving somewhat but he just can't switch off. Like his mind can't switch off.

we are in contact with the school senco etc and everything should be in place it's just been a bit of a fight getting it which has been emotionally draining 😓

OP posts:
heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:28

Lady of leisure? Ask her to live with you for a few days and show how much you're a lady of leisure. I'd rather have a 40 hour job then be stuck at home looking after everybody etc 24/7 being a stay at home working mother is the hardest job in the world...you never get a minutes rest!

CB1171115 · 24/06/2022 22:29

heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:26

Let some of the house work pile up and ask him to help when he sees it...hopefully he will pull his weight once he's seen it build up...

You're house doesn't need to be perfect...so the bare minimum and don't stress yourself out worrying about it....give yourself a few off days and chill out...I really think you need to see your doctor if you're having panic attacks....

doctor Has dismissed them because I don't get them often enough 🙄been getting them since I was a teen but it's never been a daily or weekly thing. Not even monthly anymore. They usually come after a longer period of heightened stress or anxiety, almost like a climax. Hoping I'll think feel first thing... after having a good cry tonight!

OP posts:
heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:30

What does he do the the few hours before he sleeps? I know my kids if they've been watching YouTube or been playing games they're wide awake way past their bedtime...but if they've been colouring and been all calm then they go to bed on time...

Can you just chill and do the absolute bare minimum for a few days....get ready meals...go for walks or maybe go out to eat and have a fun day?

heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:33

Also what sort of housework is stressing you out? Have you decluttered as many things as you can? The less you have the less stress you'll have and the less tidying...even if it means putting things away in the attic...

There's a thread on here under housekeeping where people post their decluttering progress ....

CB1171115 · 24/06/2022 22:37

heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:30

What does he do the the few hours before he sleeps? I know my kids if they've been watching YouTube or been playing games they're wide awake way past their bedtime...but if they've been colouring and been all calm then they go to bed on time...

Can you just chill and do the absolute bare minimum for a few days....get ready meals...go for walks or maybe go out to eat and have a fun day?

Thank you. We have a pretty strict bedtime routine now but the light evenings doesn't help. Plus he is so sensitive to certain noise and there's so much noise well into the evening here. he will sleep through my neighbour cutting his grass for instance but if he's a kid playing (they seem to be out til 10pm) here , he'll be awake or if our neighbours have people around. Not complaining about them but it's a Total nightmare!

He is always really tired, he just struggled to fully switch his brain off. He has anxiety too and it's almost like the days events go round and round his head and he can't switch off. We have to lie with him for a while to to settle him else he'll be in and out. He wasn't too bad tonight thankfully!

OP posts:
CB1171115 · 24/06/2022 22:39

heartbroken22 · 24/06/2022 22:33

Also what sort of housework is stressing you out? Have you decluttered as many things as you can? The less you have the less stress you'll have and the less tidying...even if it means putting things away in the attic...

There's a thread on here under housekeeping where people post their decluttering progress ....

My house is pretty clean by most people's standards but certainly not a show home and takes a lot of work! I call it a clean mess 😅 but I try and keep clutter as little as poss as ds doesn't like clutter!

I can't relax until things are done either, even if it means I'm doing it when I should probably chill out for a bit or exhausting myself.

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 24/06/2022 22:40

Sending. You lots of good wishes

Sounds like you are managing so so much

Keep going you can do this

I wish I had a way to offer some help to you
But I know exactly what this all feels like and some days are total hell xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

CB1171115 · 24/06/2022 22:41

My kids and dp just seem to generate a lot of mess and dirt between them and the laundry is never ending 🤯

OP posts:
CB1171115 · 24/06/2022 22:42

Queenie6655 · 24/06/2022 22:40

Sending. You lots of good wishes

Sounds like you are managing so so much

Keep going you can do this

I wish I had a way to offer some help to you
But I know exactly what this all feels like and some days are total hell xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you 💗 I felt like I needed to get it all out somewhere and didn't know who else to talk to!

OP posts:
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