Possible ADHD

[MamaToAliandHar]

My son's teacher said at parents evening a few months ago that she think he might have something along the lines of ADHD, dyspraxia or SPD. I have always thought the same but always been told by health visitors and people he's just a boy they're lazier. He's only 4 atm. 5 in September. They school asked me to take him to the GP this week to get a referral to get the ball rolling so he can get the help he needs. Today the doctor agreed he has ADHD signs But the they said they don't refer them. The school needs too. So where do I go from here?

The school did say I may have to go back to the doctor a few times.

Ask the school to refer him.

Sorry, pressed sent too soon.

Our GP also said that they wouldn't refer.

I went back to school who did refer my DS to CAMHS for possible ADHD.
It took a long time but we got there in the end.

My Ds was reffered to camhs through gp..
Ask to speak to senco at school.

GP can refer, mine did. Incredibly it was the school who said they couldn't... yes, that's a whole other story.

We’re in a v similar situation and have been able to self-refer to CAMHS. Worth researching if you can in your area. They then wrote to the school who had to complete some paperwork, as did we. Now he’s on waiting list til, I assume, 2030

Have you spoken to the SENCO? We were advised to speak to the public health nursing team(HV/school nurse dependent on age). They pointed us in the directions of which forms we needed and we filled them out with the school, and the SENCO sent them off. We have just had a letter agreeing he does need assessment and are waiting for the actual assessment which could be some time.

What does a diagnosis of ADHD actually do? And what special treatment does he get if you get a diagnosis? I have a family member who is a CAHMS consultant and she does say ds likely has ADHD but seems to agree with my not pursuing it as a diagnosis is of limited benefit

So other than making you worry and giving him an excuse for underachievement or bad behaviour what will pursuing this do?

It's hard work getting anywhere with CAHMS and an exercise in frustration. I don't see it as worth it.

Joining thread as am interested in the experiences of others.

ZenNudist

I wouldn’t say that ADHD is an excuse for underachievement or bad behaviour but it could be a reason.

A diagnosis can qualify the child for medication for adhd. This can reduce symptoms and underachievement.

While you are waiting for a diagnosis look up additude. A free online resource. It is American but may have useful tips

I can only speak for myself, but as a recently-diagnosed adult I have found that having an explanation for certain types of 'underachievement' has given me a new desire to address those things and a new hope that they can be addressed or worked around with appropriate strategies.

I had always assumed that e.g. being consistently on time for work / appointments / activities would be possible if I just 'tried harder'. Now I know why that's never worked, I've been able to identify exactly what parts of the process are difficult and find ideas that help with those. That's far more useful than consistently failing at something most people are able to do, with no understanding of why it's happening.

And that's before I've had the chance to explore the possibility of medication.

I can't be sure what would have happened if I'd been diagnosed 30+ years ago, but it might have saved a lot of frustration and upset. I might even have been able to stay in my original career with the right support, rather than floundering completely and returning to a random entry-level job in my mid twenties.

I think you should ask school to write a letter setting out their concerns and then take that to GP and ask GP again to refer.

Our ds is now on meds for his ADHD and it has been so incredibly helpful for him.

@ZenNudist I don't know how old your DS is but ADHD can come with some very challenging behaviours. Having a dx means that you are in a position to apply for an EHCP which will help to get your child additional help at school. It means you are taken seriously when your child's behaviour is frowned upon. You are also able to get medication which could mean the world of difference for the success of your child in later life.

For me I has meant that I'm able to claim DLA which goes towards paying for things that rob me of my time and MH because I'm caring for a disabled child.

For them, when older, it validates the reasons for the things they struggle with in life - it's not a case of they won't do something but that they can't.

Very few adults regret getting a dx. Quite depressing to think that your relative thinks that getting a dx is of limited benefit.

Joining this thread as my DS (8) was diagnosed this year. Agree with other comments you need to go via SENCO and get referred to CAMHS. We went private as the wait times were so long in our area. For us, symptoms had been going on for a couple of years and getting much worse, so didn't want more of his education affected. If you DS is much younger it seems like you can follow the CAMHS route unless you feel the situation needs more urgently addressing.

@ZenNudist For us symptoms were getting much worse, it got to the point he couldn't sit down in class, he was twirling around the room and didn't know how he got to the other side of the classroom. He is a bright child (I know like every Mumsnet child!) but it was in particular affecting his writing. Lots of sensory and emotional needs too.

He was diagnosed and on medication from referral in 6 weeks and the medication has been transformative for him. He can now sit/concentrate and the fidgeting have significantly reduced. It's also helped his emotions too and boosted his friendships massively.

I would say a friend is going down the NHS route and it's been much harder. Long wait times, sitting on the fence about potential diagnosis then a reluctance to give medication. Our private consultant works for CAMHS too and follows exactly the same process/treatment, so its a complete lottery as to who you get!

I hope things work out for you OP. One last thing, this book is brilliant and we used it to talk to our son about ADHD and how actually it makes him special. I'd say it's also good to understand ADHD a bit more yourself.

www.amazon.co.uk/ADHD-Our-Superpower-Amazing-Children/dp/1787757307/

I don't want to hijack thread but am interested in hearing stories like @yoshiblue . My 8yo is similar (the twirling is annoying, dont lots of children do that?) but i wouldn't medicate against it. What were the emotional and friendship issues your ds experienced? What is the medication and how does it help.

I have a friend whose very bright and well behaved dd perfectly capable of sitting down and reading book after book has missed out on grammar school due to ADHD. This is despite (or because of) diagnosis. The "good" schools in my area are quite useless when if comes to SEN. I think she just decided if her dd had ADHD she would do better in non grammar.

@adhdpunchbag it sounds tough.

Just jumping in to share my experience. My 6 year old DS received an ADHD diagnosis about 3 months ago. It’s been a game changer:

• He has started medication which has made a HUGE difference to his ability to focus in class. As a result, his academic performance has radically improved
• It’s enabled the school to quickly put some measures in place to support his specific needs - basic stuff like movement breaks, a wobble cushion, instructions broken down into smaller chunks for him
• Having an explanation for his behaviour is so helpful. I used to dread collecting him from after school clubs as I would be waiting for the inevitable stories of how badly behaved he had been. Now I can explain to the coaches etc ahead of time what behaviors to expect and how to mitigate against them
• It has opened up much better communication channels between us, his teacher and the SEN team at his school. Before I felt like I was just constantly being told how naughty he was being in class. Now our conversations are so much more positive and less fraught with me feeling like I was being constantly accused of being a crap parent
• School are also supporting him socially by subtly leading him to other kids with similar diagnoses. He now finally has friends that understand him, because their brains function in the same way
• The diagnosis process also discovered that he is G&T in certain areas. We can now channel this in the right way

@ZenNudist I guess twirling is just an example, it's one of lots of symptoms. TBH, we initially didn't think it was ADHD. He's an only child so knew he crashed around a lot, but didn't realise it was normal! It was also had to determine symptoms vs effects of covid disruption, as all children were struggling to sit still and listen when they returned. After a while, it was clear there was a bigger issue and when the screening questionnaire was done, the school one showed severe symptoms! It was also felt the move to juniors had made it harder to cope at school, he could do the work easily in infants so had managed to get the work done.

Re: emotions/friendships, DS has always been temperamental and along with the stress of the classroom had ended up withdrawing himself to play on his own at break times. His medication (It's called Elvanse) just seems to have calmed his emotions and he all of a sudden has a big group of friends. I couldn't be happier.

I'm sure we are from the same area (NW, known for excellent group of grammar schools) so we have all the secondary school hoops to jump through to come. What will be will be, but we're very happier he's getting the most out of his school experience and another reason we didn't want to languish around on the NHS waiting list for a prolonged period.